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Another excerpt from the novel I'm writing - looking for feedback


After splashing some water on my face in the bathroom, I
composed myself and met Tom outside by the car. We drove
back to the hospital and discussed ways to keep in touch
while separated. Tom didn’t eschew technology completely,
but he was averse to using it all the time. He said he felt
like people depended on ‘those machines’ far too much.

It was funny to hear him talk about ‘those machines’
when he flew a 75 ton machine twenty thousand plus feet in
the air. I understood what he was saying, though.

I convinced him that technology could keep him and Sophie
in touch whenever they wanted, and at minimal cost, with
a variety of means on the internet. He was so taken by the
idea that he ordered me to pick up a couple of ‘machines’
for him and Sophie before they left. That way, we could show
him how to use them to stay in touch with her, and us, as needed.

After we reached the hospital, I parked the car and considered
going in with him. As I recalled the joke Sophie had played
on me through her dad, I wasn’t sure I was ready to face
her. I wasn’t angry or upset, but I was embarrassed once
already that day. There was no need to go through it again
so soon.

I asked Tom to give my best to Sophie and he said that he would.
I pulled away before he reached the door. The next stop was
a store to pick up laundry items and whatnot.

I found a mom and pop store within walking distance of a laundromat.
After driving around, I parked the car and went to retrieve
everything I would need to do complete my task. When I pulled
out a wad of cash to pay for everything, I realized Natalie
had given me extra money to buy lunch for Tom and I had forgotten
about it completely.

The laundromat was completely empty, which was a surprise
being the middle of the day and all. At least I would have
every single one of the washers and dryers available to
me and me alone.

After loading up the washers, I tossed the stuff I bought
into the trunk of Natalie’s car. There was a plastic laundry
basket, five nylon sacks, a bottle of bleach, laundry soap,
and dryer sheets. Everything fit inside the basket, which
made it neat. I’m sure that would have pleased Natalie.

Calculating the materials involved, adding in the cost
of washing and drying each load, laundry was pretty expensive.
The thought of something like that never crossed my mind
as a single guy. Food was cheap enough for one person. Laundry
was inexpensive because I’d wear the same jeans for a
week straight sometimes. Things like that would change
with three adults living together. I hoped that Natalie
had experience buying groceries for three people, because
I sure as hell didn’t.

While the laundry was washing, I realized I had nowhere
to go and nothing to do. I had no book, no computer, and my
cell phone was low on charge, so I didn’t want to use it
unless it was absolutely necessary.

Once it was time to switch the laundry, I split up the four
large loads into eight dryers so they would be certain to
dry all the way within an hour, which was the largest amount
of time I wanted to spend there. Once I started feeding quarters
into the first dryer, I realized my folly. It was going to
wind up costing a small fortune to dry everything.

After throwing in the final load and before I could sit down,
my phone rang. It was Natalie.

“Yes, dear” I answered.

“How was lunch?” Natalie asked brusquely.

“Very good” I replied.

“How’s the laundry coming along?” she asked.

“I just started drying everything moments ago. How...”
but I didn’t get a chance to ask her anything.

“Do you trust me?” she asked, interrupting me.


“Jim, do you trust me?” she asked again, knowing if
she called me that, it would catch my attention.

She wasn’t wrong, but I answered her and didn’t complain
or even return the sentiment by calling her ‘Nat’.

“With my life, yes. I trust you completely.”

I thought the call might have dropped or something because
I didn’t hear anything on the other end of the line at all.


“Yes, dear” she replied.

“Oh” I said, “I was just making sure you....”

“Jim?” she said, cutting in.

“Yes, dear?”

Loveyoubye” *click*

She had hung up on me.

It was definitely one of the strangest phone conversations
I ever had, but that didn’t stop me from playing it over
and over again in my mind. At first I was befuddled, but I
was uplifted by her last words before hanging up on me, and
then I was confused again as to why should she would be so
blunt with the whole thing.

I tried to let it go, but I couldn’t stop thinking about
her. I even imagined her on the other end of the call ­ how
she might look, what her expressions might have been, and
whether or not she nervously paced around like I did when
I was on the phone.

The hour wait while the clothes dried seemed to pass in no
time at all. I kept staring off into space and daydreaming.
In my mind, I could hear her say ‘loveyoubye
time and time again. It was as if my brain was on repeat ­mode.

I tried folding the clothes, but I had no idea what I was doing.
I didn’t have the foggiest notion how one was supposed
to fold bras, panties, or even a dress. They couldn’t
fault me for that, so I crammed the nylon bags full and hoped
that separating everything later on wouldn’t be too

Back at the hotel, I stacked the bags neatly together by
the dressers. Then I realized I had nothing else to do until
I met up with everyone again. Natalie had given me instructions
and I replayed them in my head a few times to make sure I hadn’t
forgotten anything, outside of buying lunch for Uncle

It was around four-­thirty in the afternoon and I felt
a little sluggish. I thought about taking a nap, but a familiar
voice in my head asked me, ‘Would it make Natalie happy?’.
Unable to convince myself that the answer was yes, I decided
to go straight to the source and call Natalie directly.

I was surprised when Evie picked up.

“‘ello, jackass.”

“Hi, love” I replied. “Is Natalie there?”


There was nothing but a pregnant pause, so I asked, “Well,
can I talk to her?”


“Why the hell not?” I asked, then listened to another
long, silent pause before she replied.

“Because she’s busy” Evie finally answered.

“Busy doing what?” I asked impatiently.

“Oh, you’ll see” she said quickly.

“Uh, okay then” I said. “Well, I was just calling
because I was done doing my chores and wanted to see what
I could do next... to make her happy.”

I suffered another muted intermission until Evie returned
to the call, but it had become expected. She was relaying
directions from Natalie.

“Are you well-rested, James?”

“Uh, I guess, I don’t know” I replied, confused.

While I waited for Evie to respond, I looked at the bed. The
longer I stared at it, the more I realized that I was a little
tired. A nap would do wonders for me. Eventually, Evie came
back on the line.

“Hey, jackass.”

“Yes, dear” I replied.

“It would make Natalie happy if you took a nap and were
rested. She says we need to talk.” Evie corrected herself
by adding, “You two need to talk.”

Ugh. Those dreaded words. Even across oceans, they meant
the same thing and I knew that Evie knew it, too. We had this
discussion once already. Then I realized she was saying
it on purpose to mess with me.

“Whatever makes her happy” I said.

“Yes, dear” Evie responded.

“Yes, dear” I said, repeating the sentiment.

“Byyyyeeeee, jackass” she sang, and then she hung
up on me.

I tossed my phone onto the bed and dove headfirst after it,
crashing into the mattress.

Sleep came and I drifted off with Natalie’s voice echoing
in my head.

Loveyoubye... loveyoubye... loveyoubye... loveyoubye...


When I woke up, I didn’t open my eyes. Instead, I laid there
face down on the mattress with my head resting on my forearm
and listened. Someone was in the shower.

Knowing I had at least a few minutes left of quiet by myself,
I turned my head to the side to be more comfortable. That’s
when I felt an odd sensation, as though I were being watched.

I opened my eyes and saw Evie sitting on the opposite bed
staring at me.

“Hi” was all she said.

I pulled myself together and sat up. Rubbing my eyes, I asked
Evie for the time. She replied that she

didn’t know, so I reached for my phone. After looking
around on the mattress, I spied it sitting on the dresser
closest to me. I didn’t recall leaving it there, but I
picked it up without a second thought and checked the time
­ almost six thirty.

“When did you get here?” I asked Evie.

“Just a little while ago. Didn’t you hear us come in?”

“No” I chuckled, “I was dead to the world. Sorry about

When I asked Evie about the house, she said that Natalie
would tell me later. When I asked what she wanted to talk
about, she told me that Natalie would talk to me about everything
later. Finally, I asked her why she was being so elusive,
but she denied it.

“Come on, Evie. I know you know something” I said. “I’m
not stupid.”

“No, you’re not” she replied, “but you are a jackass.”

“Am I in trouble?” I asked, trying a different tactic
to get her to talk about something, or anything.

“Even if you were, I couldn’t tell you” she replied
with the hint of a grin on her face.

“Let me guess... Natalie will tell me later, right?”

She didn’t reply verbally, but she did tap the end of her
nose with her index finger a couple of times.

“So, now what?” I asked. Surely Evie could tell me the
answer to that question.

“You will take me to the hospital and drop me off. Then
you’ll do whatever Natalie wants you to do.”

“Any idea what that might be?”

“I don’t know exactly” she replied, “let me check
with her.”

“I’ll do it” I said standing up.

Evie grabbed me by the wrist. She pulled me closer until
she was able to grasp my free hand.

“You can’t” she said. “I’ll do it.”

“Evie, this is all very strange” I admitted. “What
the hell is going on? Why can’t I talk to her?”

“Do you trust her, James?” Evie asked.

“Of course I do” I answered.

Evie turned me around so she was closer to the bathroom and
smiled at me as she let go of my hand.

She knocked on the bathroom door, received approval from
Natalie to enter, and then disappeared, closing the door
behind her. Something was up, but it was clear that I wasn’t
going to be clued in any time soon.

I sat down on the bed and waited for Evie to return. It turned
out that I didn’t have to wait more than a minute or so.

“Hospital, take away for two, call Natalie, and then
come back here” she summed up upon her return.

“Great” I said. “What am I supposed to pick up for
take out?”

“She said you’d ask that” Evie replied. “You know
what she fancies. ‘Figure it out’, she said.”

“Figure it out” I repeated. “Well, okay. Hospital,

“Call Natalie” Evie reminded me by chiming in.

“Call Natalie and then come back here. Hospital, food,
call, here. Got it. When do we leave?”

“Now” Evie answered.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Picking up Natalie’s keys,
I shrugged at Evie and turned toward the door.

Evie jumped ahead of me and stood in front of the bathroom
door. I stopped and gave her a puzzled look.

“You can’t go in there” she warned me firmly.

Although I had no intention of barging in on Natalie, I felt
a sudden urge to do so just then. When reason returned to
me, I opened the door to the hallway and walked out. Evie
followed only a moment later.

She grabbed my hand and started walking. I had no choice
but to go with her. Once we reached the car, I tried to pull
away from her clasp, but she only held on tighter.

“Evie” I begged, imploring her to either answer me
or let go.

“I’d tell you if I could, love” she said with a knowing

She erased the two steps between us and put her free hand
on the side of my neck, rubbing my ear with her thumb. It felt
oddly titillating. For the briefest of moments, I thought
she might kiss me, but she didn’t.

“Everything will be alright” she said.

As I looked into her eyes, I could see that she was telling
the truth. There was a happiness there. They were smiling,
almost twinkling ­ those windows to her soul.

“Front seat or rear?” Evie teased.

Two could play at that game.

“Let’s recreate the other night. Maybe you can drive
while I get in the back seat?”

Evie laughed and got into the passenger side front seat
of the car. I considered getting into the back as a joke,
but saw it as a waste of time. I had chores to do

We talked the entire way to the hospital. It wasn’t because
I was uncomfortable, but I genuinely wanted to get information
out of Evie if at all possible. While she never told me anything
about her day or specifically about Natalie, she did mention
that they had plans to go out that night ­ Evie, Lizzy, and

After being at the hospital all day, Tom and Lizzy would
be hungry and Evie wanted to eventually

‘knock back a few’ as she put it. I almost envied her,
but couldn’t shake Natalie from my mind.

Everything else felt secondary compared to her. Not even
the temptation of a drink could sway her from my thoughts.

The car jerked as I pulled up to the curb and nudged it with
the front tire.

“Whoops” I said putting the car in Park.

Evie paid no mind to my neglectful driving. She unbuckled
the seat belt and turned to look at me.

“What are you supposed to do now?” she asked, knowing
full well what I had to do.

“Hospital, food, call Natalie, go home” I answered.

“Everything’s going to be alright” Evie said, reiterating
her previous sentiment. “Good luck” she wished me
as she got out of the car.

Evie shot one last look back my way before walking toward
the front doors. I waited until she was inside and could
no longer see her before pulling away. I had no idea where
I was going, but I knew I needed to pick a place quickly.

After a brief contemplation at the stop light, I looked
to the right and saw a pizza place up ahead. It was perfect.
Quick, easy, and I knew Natalie liked it well enough.

Approximately twenty minutes after I parked, I walked
out of the pizza shop with a hot pie and a two-liter bottle
of soda.

“Hospital, food, call Natalie, and home” I said aloud
in the car to no one. I pulled the phone from my pocket and
looked up Natalie’s phone number by her name.

I was shocked to see that it wasn’t there. We had spoken
earlier in the day and I wasn’t insane. I knew her name
was in my phone along with her number, so I looked up recent

‘Yes Dear’ was the most recent contact listed on my
phone. Under the name was Natalie’s phone number. Either
she or Evie had changed the entry on my phone. It then made
sense why it was on the dresser after I woke up.

Truly, nothing was sacred.

I selected Yes Dear from my contacts, hit the send button,
and waited for Natalie to pick up.

“Yes, dear” she answered softly.

“Oh, hi there” I said a little too loudly. “I just
picked up...”

“James, I have a headache” Natalie said cutting me

“Sorry” I said almost whispering. “Can I get you
anything? Aspirin?”

“No, I’m okay” she replied. “I have the lights
off, so please don’t turn them on when you get here. I’ll
leave the bathroom light on and the door cracked for you
to see when you get in. Otherwise, I need it dark in here.”

“No worries” I told her. “If there’s anything
I can get for you... anything... just let me know.”

“Just you, James” she cooed. “See you soon?”

“Ten minutes at most” I said quietly.

“Leave the lights off. See you in ten” she said, then
added, “loveyoubye” and hung up.

I was confused, hungry, anxious, nervous, and a few other
emotions, too. It was hard to tell what I was feeling, but
I did my best to pull it all together. After tucking my phone
back into my pocket, I drove as quickly and safely as I could
manage back to the hotel.


I fumbled the pizza trying to dig the room key out of my pocket,
so I set everything down on the carpet to open the door. When
I tried to insert the key, there was a note over the slot.
I plucked it from the door and read it: J ­ Please leave
the lights off. Put the food on the bathroom sink counter
and read the other note. ­ N

‘What other note?’ I thought to myself. Things were
getting stranger and stranger by the minute.

I opened the door to the room and it was pitch black except
for a shaft of light coming from the bathroom door. Maneuvering
with the little light I had available, I crept into the bathroom
and put the pizza box and soda bottle on the counter.

The aforementioned other note was stuck to the middle of
the mirror. Curiouser and curiouser.

J ­ Close the bathroom door and count to 100. No questions.
Just do it. Once I hear the door close, I will count to 100,
too. See you in 100 seconds. Leave the food. ­ N

Simple enough instructions, if not cryptic. I closed the
bathroom door and started counting. Once I reached one
hundred, I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the

For better or worse, it felt like the guy looking back at
me was critically scanning my face, as if it were the last
time he’d ever see me. Whoever I was seeing in that mirror
wouldn’t be the same person I saw next time I looked. I’ve
had déjà vu before, but this was much different. Not good
different or even bad different, but certainly different

I went to open the bathroom door, but there was one final
note on it right around chest high: J ­ Turn the lights
off and come see me. ­ N

I followed the first instruction after a moment of reflection,
then immediately took heed of the second.


The entire hotel room was lit by roughly two dozen strategically
placed candles. The curtains were drawn, but a robed figure
walked out of the shadows and into the candle light.

“I have a present for you” Natalie said demurely. “Come
and sit down”

As I drew nearer, I saw that she had her hair up, but there
were curls hanging to either side of her face. Her lips glistened
and the small earrings in her lobes sparkled. She held out
her hand and I took it. Switching places, she sat me down
in a chair amidst the candles.

Her dark robe covered everything from her neck down to just
above her bare feet. She faced me, but took two steps backward.
The candlelight illuminated her perfectly. She looked
like something out of a dream ­ a vivid and intensely surreal

“Are you ready?” she asked with a hint of seduction.
Her voice was soft and low, just above a whisper.

I was hypnotized and uttered the only phrase I ever needed
to know, “Yes, dear.”

Natalie placed her forefinger between her lips and kissed
the tip of it while staring me down. I was unable to move.
She was the cobra and I was her prey.

Her hand slid from her painted lips down to the middle of
her robe. With both hands, she untied the belt holding everything
closed. As the tether fell to her sides, the robe opened,
but I couldn’t take my eyes off of hers. I was locked in
and immobile. My tongue felt like it was three times its
normal size in my mouth. My face felt hot and every fiber
of my body tingled with mixed excitement and desire.

Natalie took one further step backward and pulled the front
of the robe completely apart. She let it slide down her arms
and drop to the floor in a pile behind her. Hanging loosely
from her frame was the old hockey jersey she had snagged
from my closet. Below that, there was a few inches of bare
skin that were her thighs. The rest of her was covered by
a matching pair of socks that came up well over her knees,
color-­coded to go with the shirt.

“Just a hockey sweater and thigh-­highs, right?”
Natalie asked in the same sultry, low voice as before.

She minimized the distance between us with exaggerated
steps that made her hips and shoulders sway. When she was
close enough to touch, she straddled my legs and sat on my
lap facing me. Her hands placed on my shoulders and she gazed
into my eyes long and hard.

I put my hands on her hips and squeezed, feeling her rock
back and forth.

Leaning forward, her arms slid over my shoulders until
her lips pressed against my ear.

“I hope you like it” she whispered. “If you want to
know what I’m wearing underneath this, you’ll have
to find out for yourself.”

My right hand withdrew along her leg until I could feel the
top of her sock. I squeezed her thigh before dragging my
fingertips along her soft, smooth skin toward her hips.
The farther my fingers went, the more I expected to feel
the seam of panties, but nothing stopped my progress. When
I finally cupped her naked buttock, I slid my left hand down
and grabbed her ass by both cheeks and pulled her closer.

I leaned in next to her ear and nibbled the lobe outside of
the earring for a moment before whispering back to her.

“Natalie... kiss me.”

Natalie leaned back to look upon my face. She nodded and
smiled at me before putting her forehead against mine.
Our noses touched and brushed against each other a few times.
Her face was so close to mine that I couldn’t see her smiling,
but I could sense it ­ almost feeling it.

My mouth was open and ready to accept her tongue, but she
hesitated, teasing me. She rubbed the side of her nose against
mine and breathed. I could hear the catch in her breath that
only came with nervous excitement.

Natalie’s lips parted and she let her bottom lip glide
against mine, but didn’t quite kiss me. She entwined
her hand in a tuft of hair at the base of my skull and restrained
me from leaning too far forward to engage her with a kiss.

She toyed with me several times by moving around and letting
my lips touch hers, but her head rested against mine the
entire time. As she did that, her hips started gyrating.
I slid both of my hands up her back and felt that there was
no bra strap to encumber them. That was when I realized she
was wearing only the jersey and socks, just like I had described
the other night. It also dawned on me what it meant to be surrounded
by candles and a nearly naked, beautiful woman.

Natalie pulled back just enough to let me focus in on her
face. Lost and drowning in her eyes, I somehow managed to
hear what she had to say.

“We can talk about this and everything else later”
she said, “but for now, just go with the moment. Don’t
tell me that you love me, show me.”

Without hesitation, I plunged forward and drove my tongue
into her mouth, probing and matching the intensity with
which she returned the kiss. Natalie’s hands explored
everything within reach, starting with my head. She ran
her fingers through my hair, tousling it. She dug her nails
into the back of my neck and held me by the sides of my throat,
all while kissing me fiercely.

Natalie grabbed a fistful of my shirt by the back and retreated
from me to pull it over my head. I tried to help her by lifting
my arms over my head. She was able to pull my shirt up to my
elbows, but it caught there once I poked my head free.

Twisting the shirt between my arms and pulling it down behind
me, she pinned my arms and immobilized me. Natalie was still
straddling my lap, but she leaned forward and I was helpless
to resist her. I’m sure that if push came to shove, I would
have been able to extricate myself, but it was disturbingly
erotic to be tied up by the little vixen.

I let my arms go limp and Natalie was able to push me backward
and tower over me. An excited little giggle escaped from
within her. I had never heard anything like it come from
her before. Even though I was the one who was ‘helpless’,
I chastised her.

“Next time I tell you to kiss me, you had better kiss me”
I warned her.

She held on to the binding that was my shirt with one hand
and traced a line down my chest with the other. She drew her
finger back up and put it in my mouth. I sucked on it and licked
the tip in a slow, circular motion. When she pulled her finger
out, she stuck it her her own mouth and sucked on it once.

I tried to pull my arms back over my head, but she only held
tighter, restraining me. My lungs heaved and I bit my lower
lip as I exhaled. With her free hand, Natalie dug her short
nails into the skin over my heart. I felt no pain, but part
of me wanted her to do it harder... just to see if she could
hurt me.

Natalie moved her hand to the side and dug her fingernails
in again. After releasing her grip, she pinched my nipple
with her thumb and forefinger while I moaned with pained

When she repeated the maneuver, I thrust my arms forward
and stood up out of the chair, taking her up with me. Instead
of removing the shirt twisted around my arms, I grabbed
each side in one hand and lassoed Natalie with it, pulling
her against me tightly .

“Ahhh­ugh” she groaned as I held her. She looked up
at me with doe-­eyes, her mouth open and starting to breathe heavily. I don’t know what possessed
me to say it, but I relaxed my hold on her and softly, but firmly
demanded, “Get on your knees, Natalie.”

For a brief moment, I thought I had crossed a line. I was certain
I crossed a line. I thought she might get pissed off or something.
I thought she might say ‘stop’ or put an end to everything
right then and there.

I didn’t expect her to comply without hesitation.

I let go of my shirt and it fell to the floor behind her. She
descended slowly, first to one knee and then the other.
She looked up at me, but didn’t say a word. I stepped close
to her and put my hand to the side of her face, caressing her

“If I told you to suck my cock right now, what would you
do?” I asked as she stared up at me.

Instead of replying, she kept her eyes locked on mine and
started fumbling with the button on my jeans.

“Stand up” I commanded.

She stood up, but kept fumbling with my jeans. I put my hand
over hers to stop her from going any further.

“Wait a minute, Natalie” I implored her.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, altering the way
she looked at me. A moment before, she was

completely subservient, but that changed to the normal
look that I was used to seeing, except stunningly more beautiful
than usual, of course.

“Nothing, dear” I replied. “I’m usually not like
that. I’m sorry if that was weird or whatever....”

“No, James” she said. “I don’t know why, but I nearly
melted when you told me to get on my knees.

No one has ever talked to me like that. Ever. I’m not that
kind of girl.”

“And I’m not that kind of guy” I answered.

“Maybe we can talk about that sort of thing later on?”
she suggested. “Apparently we are those kind

of people. I just never knew about it until now.”

“Me, either” I said. “But if I can, let me do something....”

I stepped back to drink her in once more. The jersey and socks
were blowing my mind, but one thing could top it all.

Moving closer again, I kissed her a couple of times.

“Arms up” I requested and she relented.

Taking the jersey by the bottom hem, I pulled it over her
head and stepped backward again.

Natalie put one arm over her breasts and her other hand partially
over her bald pussy before uncovering it and putting her
hand over her belly.

“I shaved for you” she whispered.

“Put your arms down so I can see you... please” I begged

She obeyed and I stood there amazed by her beauty. Thigh-high
socks aside, she was completely naked. I had never seen
anything or anyone more beautiful in my entire life. Maybe
she didn’t have the most perfect body of all time, but
I noticed no flaws whatsoever.

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. The
most beautiful woman I’ll ever see. I want you to know
that” I said honestly.

She grinned.

“You don’t have to say that” she said. “I’m already
going to have sex with you.”

“It doesn’t matter, Natalie. I could drop dead right
now, but if I did, I would want you to know that.

It’s true. Never wear clothes again, please.”

“Now you” she replied chuckling.

Natalie pulled on my jeans and the button came apart easily.
It took nothing to remove them from my body completely.

“Guys aren’t pretty naked” I tried to protest, when
she started taking off my boxer-­briefs.

“You can’t do it with them on” she argued. “Besides,
it’s not like I haven’t seen you without your clothes
on before. I know what you’re packin’.”

After the underwear was off, we were both standing there
in our socks ­ something I pointed out.

Natalie laughed and lurched forward to hold on to me. Our
naked bodies pressed against each other when the laughter
finally died out. I was insanely hard and her skin was so
incredibly soft.

“How much time do we have?” I asked.

“All night” Natalie replied. “They are spending
the night with Tom in his room.”

That was all I wanted and needed to hear. I started kissing
her open mouth, her neck, and then her ear. I bit down on her
earlobe and she responded with enthusiasm by clawing at
my back.

We spread across the bed and started kissing, groping,
and fondling each other. It was a long, drawn out affair,
but the longer it lasted, the more I realized that we were
figuring each other out. She found out that I didn’t mind
a little nipple play, or being bitten on the ear, but not
the neck. I learned that she liked her breasts cupped and
squeezed together, but only my mouth on her nipples. A little
finger-play tweaking her breasts was fine, but more than
just a little was way too much. A hard bite was preferable
to a slight pinch. It seemed backwards to me, but of course
I went with it.

After a lot of petting and stroking, I slipped my hand between
her thighs and found that she was already wet. Natalie spread
her legs to allow me free passage to her freshly shaven pussy.
She was incredibly smooth... as smooth as I was hard.

As I kissed her, my fingers poked and probed every square
centimeter of her soaking wet snatch, inside and out. Natalie
grabbed my wrist and stopped kissing me.

“Let me show you what I like” she whispered.

She guided my hand around and outside her labia until her
soft fingers pressed mine against her clitoris. She showed
me how to massage her in the manner she preferred. At first
it was slow and methodical with small strokes and circles,
but as time went on and the speed increased, I felt her writhing
against my hand.

I got the hang of it somewhat quickly and she removed her
hand and let it rest against the bed above her head. I kissed
her slowly and lightly while I concentrated on her clit.
Natalie squirmed as the pace quickened and tried kissing
me harder.

When she started to come, she seized my hand between her
thighs and latched onto my arm. I stopped moving altogether,
but let her contort her body against my imprisoned appendage.

After twenty seconds or so, she relaxed her grip on my hand,
which was then pruned with wetness.

Maybe that was an exaggeration, but not by much.

I brushed her hair away from her face and gazed into her eyes.
As I did, I slipped a damp finger into my mouth and sucked
on it.

“Uhmmmmm. I love the way you taste” I said. “Let me
do something for you.”

I tried to push her flat on her back and climb on top of her,
but she refused by shoving me backward and turning the tables
completely. She put me on my back and straddled my stomach.
I put my hands on her hips and tried to push her down towards
my cock, but she denied me.

“Not yet” she said coyly. “I want to do something
for you first.”

Natalie leaned in and kissed me twice.

“When you’re ready, let me know” she whispered.
“Don’t come in my mouth.”

She kissed me once more on the mouth and then started descending
from the top of my chest down to my stomach. Then she dropped
all the way down until her mouth was covering the top half
of my dick. Unlike me, Natalie didn’t need any instruction
on how best to please a man. Although, truth be told, there
wasn’t any way to go wrong.

Teeth are about the only way to err, but that wasn’t an
issue with her.

Natalie alternated between bobbing up and down my shaft
and twirling her tongue against the tip.

The whole time, she expertly and deftly handled my cock
and balls with her free hand. While she worked the head,
she stroked the base of my manhood. When she took as much
of me as she could in her mouth, she cupped and pulled on my

It didn’t take long at all before my toes started to curl
and I felt the oncoming eruption. I moaned and cried out
for a deity.

“Oh my god, Natalie” I breathed. “It’s coming.
Look out, I’m going to come.”

Instead of pulling away, Natalie shook her head back and
forth. As she did, her teeth lightly grazed the very tip
of my cock and I screamed... in ecstasy. When I came, it felt
like an entire gallon of cum spewed forth. Natalie was immobile
as I gushed in her mouth. I ran my fingers through her hair
and held on until I was empty.

When she looked up at me, I saw a wild look in her eye. She wiped
her mouth with the back of her hand and sat up, straddling
my chest. She maintained eye contact as I watched her swallow
my load.

Afterward, she bit her bottom lip and breathed through
her mouth, her chest heaving.

“I thought you said...”

“I know what I said” she interrupted, “but I changed
my mind.”

“Why?” I asked.

Her eyes never wavered.

“I’m not going to lie and tell you I’ve never given
anyone head before” she said, “but that last part was
a first for me.”

“Why?” I asked, repeating my question with deeper

“If I have to tell you, you don’t deserve to know”
she said with a grin.

She waddled up my chest until I could feel her wetness on
my sternum and her knees under my armpits.

I tried to turn and toss her off of me, but she remained planted.
Her grin turned wicked and it gave

me renewed strength. I pressed my thumbs into her hips and
she jumped back as though shocked. I took the opportunity
to throw her aside and straddled her.

Grabbing her wrists, I pinned her hands above her head and
leaned over her face.

“Let me return the favor” I said, intending to kiss
her and then move down her body as she did to me.

“Wait, let me...” she started saying, but I pushed
her hands up and away, stretching her arms taut.

A little verbal rough stuff worked before, so I tried testing
the waters again.

“I wasn’t asking for permission” I growled.

Natalie fought to free her arms, but said nothing in protest.
There was no asking, no pleading, nor any begging to be let
go. When she realized she was powerless against me, she
quit struggling and gazed at me seriously, biting her bottom
lip again.

I kissed her hard for a few brief moments before easing to
the side and biting her earlobe.

“I am going to go down on you” I said softly, then licked
the outside of her ear for good measure.

Letting go of her wrists, I whispered to her, “Stop me
if you want.”

Natalie ran her hands through my hair and massaged my neck
and shoulders as I kissed her. When I started moving down
from her lips to her neck, she put both hands on top of my head
and grabbed two handfuls of hair. When I flicked her nipple
with my tongue, her back arched. When I clamped her nipple
lightly between my teeth and pulled, she moaned and wriggled
her hips against me.

As I kissed her stomach, her hands pushed down on the top
of my head until I reached her clit.

Spreading her lips apart with my tongue, I heard her half-groan,

I poked and prodded her with my tongue, but she gave me oral
advice as I kept at it.

“More toward the top... suck on my clit... keep doing
that... faster... harder....”

Natalie writhed against my face and gripped the sheets
with both hands as I felt her body tighten and spasm. She
moaned loudly and it drove me wild with desire. My erection
had returned after her amazing blowjob and it was so hard
that it ached.

I didn’t have to guess whether or not I was able to give
her an orgasm. She was sopping wet and trembling. She pulled
on my ears to indicate I should stop and rejoin her face to
face. I slowly kissed my way back up her body and caressed
every part of her I could with my hands. Instead of kissing
her on the mouth, I went right to her ear.

“Natalie” I said in a low voice before kissing her neck
once, “I want you.”

I kissed the nape of her neck several times, then nibbled
on the tip of her earlobe.

“I want you and I will do anything to have you. I will do
anything you want. I will be yours completely if you will
only be mine.”

Natalie giggled and rolled over so she could be on top of
me. She found my hands with hers and put them over my head,
pinning my wrists like I did to her earlier.

“James?” Natalie asked. I wasn’t sure if it was a
question of the beginning of a statement, but either way,
I had an identical response readily available.

“Yes, dear?”

“Just try and stop me” she replied.

I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, but she was virtually
repeating what I said before giving her oral, so I figured
it was a good thing.

Nothing felt appropriate to say in the moment. I didn’t
want to make any jokes and I didn’t want to continue being
super-­serious about the impending two of us becoming
one. Instead of potentially saying the wrong thing, I didn’t
say anything at all.

Natalie kept my wrists locked against the bed and her small,
perfect breasts hung over me just out of reach from my lips.
I matched her intensity by maintaining near-­constant
eye contact. I tried to communicate to her with my eyes and
my thoughts, but apparently nothing got through to her
because she neither kissed me right away nor started fucking

I started moving my hips slowly from side to side, and when
she took notice, she began swaying her pelvis in time with
my movements. After a short period of grinding against
one another, she took the initiative to move on to the next

“I bought condoms today” Natalie said excitedly.
“I want you to wear them so you can come inside of me.”

“Oh” was all I could muster for a response. Luckily,
Natalie understood that I needed more information on the

“When you are ready to come, I’ll know” she said.
“When you do, stay inside of me.”

I nodded in comprehension.

“Don’t pull out, even after” she explained further.
“Stay inside of me and hold me. Don’t let go. Don’t
pull away.”

I repeated a sentiment from moments earlier once again,
“I will do anything you want.”

“I know you will” Natalie replied. “Just one more
thing, too.”

“Anything” I breathed before kissing her again.

“James... just this time, don’t move around to where
I can’t see you. I want to be able to look into your eyes
at any moment. Okay?” Natalie said before closing her
eyes and kissing me. When she broke away, so had one more
thing she wanted to say:

“I don’t want to be a piece of meat to you. Don’t objectify
me. You can fuck me later, but just this time... please...
only make love to me.”

“Natalie” I whispered into her ear before kissing
it, “I will. You know I...”

“Stop” she broke across quickly, not wanting to hear
the last two words on the tip of my tongue, even though we
both knew what they were. “Don’t tell me, show me.”

The whole night was a blur because so much had happened in
such a short period of time. Bits and pieces of the evening
would drift in and out of my thoughts and I would smile anew
with each one.

The whole part of entering the room and being forced to wait,
then Natalie revealing herself to me the way that she did,
and finally the different sessions of lovemaking that
went on until we passed out, exhausted in each other’s

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great story need of build up to the point of the story but great


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Very well written and sexy!


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I thought that it was a bit long in the tooth, you're not Steven King. Good story but I felt that it would have grabbed my attention and passion by being shorter. There by wanting me to keep reading and seeking more.


BarelyCrazy11 replies on 10/26/2016 11:54 pm:
Thanks for the input. Quite honestly, the sexy parts I'm submitting here are the portions I will cut out for the *real novel*. I only write the sexy parts to entertain myself. A real writer I may not be, but it's therapeutic and I kinda have fun doing it. Cheers & all the best to you!