I put down the toilet seat without being asked. I'm a World Class spooner. I've been burned by love in the past. Not so much in the "heartbroken" kinda way. Moreso in the "candle wax was a bit too hot" kinda way. I like my coffee like I like my women... Not banging my friends. I'll always be here for you... Unless you need money... Or a ride somewhere... Or help moving. My biggest fear is a rapper telling me to throw my hands in the air and wave 'em like I just don't care while I'm holding a baby. When I'm alone, sometimes I'll twerk it to the theme g from The Golden Girls. Don't judge me. Sometimes I go to confessional just to see how long it takes the priest to realize I'm describing the plot of Training Day. I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before company comes over. That way I'll know if your digging through my stuff when you're supposedly just "using the bathroom."

이상형: SEEKING A WOMAN WHO UNDERSTANDS THE FOLLOWING FACTS ABOUT MEN: -

- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 3 days.

- Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to talk about sports, food, or sex. Not necessarily in that order.

- Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing sitting down from point blank range. We are bound to miss sometimes. Get over it and just help us out by getting out the scrubbing bubbles.

- If something we said can be interpreted in two different ways, and one of those ways is bad, then we meant the other one.

- Let us look at other women. We are going to anyway. Its genetic. I mean seriously, how else are we supposed to know how beautiful you are if we don't compare?

- If it itches, we will scratch it. Doesn't matter where we are, we will scratch, that's what we do. Just make a game out of it and join in.

- If you need to say something, please do so during the commercials. We don't want to hear about Jenny from your job when we're trying to figure out who the killer is on CSI.

- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. Hell, Jesus didn't even need directions. Why do you think he wandered around the desert for 40 days and 40 nights.

- It's not that men have commitment issues. We look at it like this. The difference between "involvement" and "commitment" is like an eggs and bacon breakfast: The chicken was "involved"... The pig was "committed."

- Seriously, most of the time we really don't know what's going on. 9 times out of 10 we are about as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

- DON'T RUB THE LAMP, IF YOU DON'T WANT THE GENIE TO COME OUT.