What his web site did for me

10/19/2011

From the time my breasts began to bud, I felt a very strong
need to protect my image as well as my reputation. Being
young and innocent the main thing I felt as my body continued
to develop was a fear of men. Not as if they would hurt me but
I sensed they wanted from me things I knew would be bad for
me.


Whether I felt that way because of nature or because of my
mother’s high morals, I did my very best to hide any sexual
desires I felt. In those years when the mystery of sex continued
to change and develop so did my urges yet I refused to move
forward.


But the terrible truth was no matter how I portrayed myself
in public, deep inside of me was a lust filled woman screaming
to be let out. From a very young age, I wasted hour after hour
lying on my bed naked imagining men walking into my room
the gaze at my form. At the time my breasts were no more than
an “A” cup yet my nipples would harden as I saw the lust
in their eyes. My pussy was become juicier and my heart rate
would double. Yet I feared how I felt even if those feels
grew stronger. I may have remained a virgin as far as my body
was concerned but my mind was more like a .


And I need to pause here and also admit writing this is not
as easy as I thought it might be. I promised myself before
I began to be as honest as I could even if it shed some poor
light on me. Please remember my entire life as far as sex
is concerned has been a complete lie. I was the girl who said
no even though eventually I lost my virginity but if there
is a redeeming value within me at least I waited till I was
twenty two.


Late by most standards yet I fought for as long as I could
before I ended up having sex with a complete stranger. Odd
thing was I dated and had good relationships with several
respectable young men and said no to all of them. Then one
night I was in a bar when an older man, thirty or so, hit on
me and I finally said yes.


I remember following him in my car to a nearby cheap motel,
a far cry from the romantic setting I had been dreaming of.
And to make matters worse I knew he was married but I didn’t
care. Of course I was scared and nervous as he shut the door
behind us. But it was also the first time I had let my mind
wander while we were in the bar and the result was my panties
were soaked. I don’t even recall his name because it was
not important then or now all these years later.


I just kept telling myself over and over while we kissed
and his hands roamed to just surrender. And if I did show
any signs of hesitation, he didn’t stop for a second anyway.
Ten minutes earlier I was in the bar with him and as if someone
flipped a switch I was wearing only my panties in a motel
room ten minutes later. My body was on fire and my mind was
so filled with lust I could hardly breathe. By not fighting
any longer, it freed the real me to come out for the first
time.


I still remember that feeling when he pushed me onto my back
on the bed and yanked my panties down my legs. The look in
his eyes and the way my body responded burnt a memory in my
brain I have never been able to get rid of. And while he stripped
down eager to take me, I just laid there on the bed with my
legs spread waiting for him.


Granted it was shameful the way I lost my virginity. But
it was the first time I grew brave enough to let the real me
come to the surface. I looked up and saw his male organ and
knew I wanted to feel it inside of me. He wasted no time as
I felt him climb on top me and push his thick shaft inside
of my pussy. I gasped, moaned and pushed at his chest trying
to slow him down but it did me no good.


The fucking I received was neither magical nor wonderful
yet I enjoyed it for reasons I still cannot explain. It was
more of an ordeal I had to get past before I would acquire
a taste for the finer points and rewards of being a sexual
woman. He made no comments asking if I was a virgin although
near the end I begged him to pull out since I was not yet on
the pill. But the passion and lust was too as I felt him spasm
inside of me. I could do nothing but lay under him feeling
him pumping me full of his seeds. And then it was over as quickly
as it begun.


I remember lying on the bed alone feeling him leaking out
of me while he showered first after saying he had to get home
right away. In fact he left me alone in the room with a quick
kiss and a thank you before I was alone to deal with what I
had just allowed to happen to me. Yes I did cry for a few moments
while I showered but I also experienced this strange high
I did not come down from. It was done and I could not go back
to being a virgin. Even though the experience was a far cry
from what I expected, something within me wanted to do it
more, lots more.


I secretly went to the doctor the next week behind my parents
back even though I was twenty two and should have been on
my own. But the fact was I still lived under their roof and
had to behave according to their rules. When the doctor
asked me if I was sexually active, I merely smiled and proudly
nodded yes. He wrote me the prescription and off I went on
this new exciting journey.


And my fate swung in the other direction before I had a chance
to experiment with more partners. I met a boy a few weeks
later and my heart strings began to make music to the point
I fell in love with Jack. So naturally I went back to pretending
to be pure although I did admit to him I was no longer a virgin
when he asked. I just explained to him that it happened with
an old boyfriend so I would not look like a slut in his eyes.



And after a few months of dating Jack and I made love. It was
tender and loving and nothing like my first partner in the
cheap motel. But at twenty two, sex is great whether it excited
my mind or not. Jack and I dated for another full year and
married when I was twenty three. My love was fulfilled even
if I hadn’t taken advantage of the years when I was young.



My husband became successful, we purchased a beautiful
home and my life was like a fairy tale. We had one who
I raised since Jack was busy making more and more money.
And along the way our sex life became routine. But I was not
about to leave a wonderful man that I still loved just to
have the nasty kind of sex I sometimes secretly desired.
Throughout my entire adult life I relived that night on
the motel room with the stranger and with each passing year
it made me shiver even more.


Years turned in decades and before I knew it was turning
fifty and felt restless. And now middle aged as a woman I
doubted any males would want me. But I found a sex web site
and was shocked at the number of women around my age advertising
themselves. It took me months before I decided to place
a profile on it just for my private entertainment. Our
had moved out and Jack was never around so my secret would
be safe.


And to tell you the truth I had no idea what I was even looking
for. In the beginning I told myself it was just to do something
mildly naughty even though I remained a respectful upper
middle class wife from the suburbs. The more I read, the
more my mind spun as I worked on the wording for days and days.
I didn’t want to sound cheap or easy and feared some weirdo
might get the wrong idea. Because you have to remember I
was not going to act upon anything. Heavens no, this was
just a little fun on the internet so what harm would it cause.



My family and circle of friends would never have believed
I would be on such a site. My conservative behavior and stylish
dress always presented a rather stiff first impression
of myself. Although the thought did cross my mind to tell
my girl friends how I really lost my virginity. I can close
my eyes and imagine the kind of shock that would have been
on their faces.


So I finally had to words figured out fairly well, sounding
mysterious while remaining vague. But I knew to really
attract any attention at all; I need to have a photo on my
profile. But what kind of photo? How daring should I be and
not lead anyone on that I was actually going to act on my fantasies.
I went through my lingerie drawer for days picking this
one and then that one. Lacy bras showed too much and conservative
ones mad me appear boring. And yes I chose the plain back
bra on my profile which is boring because inside I have always
taken the safe route. Well that is except for the one night
when I lost my virginity with a total stranger.


I remember the day I hit the button and waited for my profile
and photo to appear on the sex web site. My heart was in my
throat as I watched it appear before my very eyes. Being
honest it was the second more daring sexual thing I had ever
done. My eyes watered as I stared at my profile wondering
what kind of responses I might receive.


And then I panicked, turned off my computer and headed to
the store to get some things we needed. The entire time I
was in the grocery store I thought only about my profile
which made my panties wet. There I was shopping like all
the other respectable women while my sexual secret ratted
around inside my head. The whole experience gave me an edge
the likes I had not felt since that night in the cheap motel
so many years ago.


As you can imagine the responses started pouring in and
didn’t let up. I heard from all sorts of men, all ages,
all back grounds, all races, all wanting to spend time with
me. I also quickly learned time with me meant sex. Some were
polite about what wanted while many were vulgar and came
out asking when they could fuck me. I can honestly say that
was the most mind numbing aspect of my adventure. How in
the world could I ever sort out this exciting, scary new
world I had entered out?


But again remember this was just a fantasy and I kept telling
myself I would never actually do anything. Why would I risk
my comfortable life and my loving husband for a cheap thrill?
And thus my internal war began as I bounced all over the place.
Some men wrote me often and I responded with vague responses.
It became a game for me and without realizing it I began to
love the fact they all desired me. But then there were others
I ignored completely not because they were bad people but
I simply didn’t feel any connection so why lead them on
or waste my time.


Inside I felt like I was changing yet Jack, my husband didn’t
notice or didn’t care. Our sex life remained healthy
so he had no reason to probe into the matter. The truth was
I feared what I wanted and couldn’t even admit it to myself
for most of my life. Now I suddenly had options if I would
ever get honest with myself and act upon those desires.



I could never understand how all the woman on this site could
be so carefree and open about their sexuality. Was there
something wrong with me or was there something wrong with
the world? After two years of watching my profile and occasionally
responding to a few of the men who wrote me, I became brain
washed. It was as if I seduced myself without realizing
it.


I awoke one morning feeling as restless I had ever felt.
I got up and made Jack breakfast of course but I was just plain
horny. I can’t say I was suddenly brave yet I could hardly
wait for my husband to leave for the office so I could sit
at my computer and really begin to read the notes men were
sending me. I felt like I was suddenly in a mission and was
no longer sure about my stance of never acting on my desires.



Then from out of nowhere a man I shall call Ronnie, false
name, made contact with me. He was about my age and wrote
intelligent messages to me as our friendship began slowly
at first. I admitted I was married up front as did he. In a
matter of a few weeks of daily messages, he began to feel
like a real friend. The kind I would enjoy knowing even if
we had not met on a sex web site.


My brain had been scrambled over the last two years and my
judgment had vanished. The more Ronnie and I chatted, the
more honest I was getting. Then in one of my email I shared
the story of how I lost my virginity and our relationship
took a suddenly erotic turn. Ronnie admitted to me he had
always been looking for the same kind of encounter where
lust replaced love. Of course he began to ask me to meet him
and I kept stalling.


I simply kept telling myself this was all a game and women
like me don’t get involved in this sort of behavior. Oh
sure Ronnie was funny and we joked about sex quite a lot but
neither of us were going to cheat on our spouses. Our notes
were just the way we each dealt with issues in our lives as
friends. And it was turning more personal with each email.
He admitted to me he got erect each time he read one of notes.
And I took it as his way of flattering me as a woman not putting
me down.


And during those months when we wrote each other daily,
I also began to masturbate way more than I ever had before.
My sexuality was on fire and I couldn’t find satisfaction.
I was hot constantly and nothing I did took away my heat.
With each of his notes, he kept pushing me farther asking
me more and more about my fantasy. The more I shared with
him the more it began to feel real.


And then I logged onto my computer and found his note which
was short and direct. And I quote, “Last chance. Pick
a date for our time together.” My fingers trembled at
the thought of meeting with him knowing what would happen.



I did not respond as I felt tears running down my cheeks while
I stared at his message for an hour. I didn’t blame him
because it was me that had put myself in this place and I had
only me to blame. I finally turned off my computer vowing
to walk away even if it was the most tempting chance I ever
had at repeating my cheap motel experience. I rationalized
it as when I did it the first time I was young and stupid but
now I was older and could not make mistakes like that again.



And true to the kind of honest man Ronnie was, he stopped
writing to me as a full week passed. The stress I was now under
began to take a toll on me to the point even my husband began
to ask me if I was feeling alright every single night. I made
up one excuse after another obviously unable to tell him
anything about my terrible secret.


On the ninth day I wrote Ronnie a short note asking him to
forgive me and wondered if he still wanted to get together
with me? Within an hour I read his wonderful response assuring
me he was still interested but warned me he would no longer
allow me to play games. I agreed and asked him what I should
do next. Ronnie quickly told me to find a day when I could
get away for the entire afternoon. Since he owned his own
business his schedule was very flexible. I don’t think
I have ever been as nervous and as excited as I was at that
moment.


We set a date for the next afternoon and agreed on a trendy
pub to meet at. He told me what color bra and panties he liked
and explained I should still wear my normal conservative
outer clothing as well. But he did make it clear he expected
me in a dress or skirt and heels.


I spent the afternoon at the mall shopping for new lingerie.
I knew a new bra and panties were necessary. He was taking
charge just like I had always wanted and I responded by doing
what he asked as mindless as that sounds. After all, none
of it made sense so why try and find a logical explanation
for what I was going to do.


The worst time for me was the rest of the night with my husband
as we watched TV but did very little talking. Bedtime rolled
around and thankfully he did not reach for me although I
would have had to respond if he had. And then the longest
night of my life inched along minute by minute. It was sometime
after two in the morning when I finally fell asleep.


And as I showered and got ready for my date with Ronnie I was
still wavering about how far I would really go. During our
notes we had openly discussed neither of were looking for
a romantic kind of experience. Ronnie admitted he wanted
a slut at his disposal and I admitted I wanted to be taken,
consumed and used but not disrespectfully of course. Something
within me stopped fighting those urges to resist knowing
my fantasy could be just a few hours away. I may have been
fifty and long past the age when fantasies occupied my mind
but I still felt the fire within me as a woman.


I put on my new white lacy bra and panties just like he requested
and selected a stylish longer skirt and conservative blouse
to finish off my outfit. Standing in front of my mirror I
remember smiling at how I looked hoping he would be pleased
with me after he finally was able to see more than just a partial
photo of me on my profile.


Nervously I drove to the pub we had agreed to meet at and the
closer I got the more nervous I became. At least five times
I thought about turning around yet I continued on. My mind
was scared but my body was hot and alive as my nipples were
swollen without even being touched. And as I side note I
have rather large nipples so when they swell up especially
when I am wearing a bra, I feel them immediately.


I stopped outside and tried to calm myself down before opening
the door and walking into the pub. I didn’t know what he
looked like nor did he know what I looked like. But within
ten seconds of staring into the bar our eyes met each other’s
and we both just knew.


In my typical proper manner I walked slowly towards him
and could actually feel his eyes undressing me. I knew through
his emails to me I would be safe with him but also knew he was
going to consume me before the afternoon was finished.
I walked up to him forcing a nervous smile on my face as he
reached out and shocked me by pulling me into his arms as
we hugged. No kisses, just a warm friendly hug which really
helped me relax.


“Would you care for a drink?” he asked. Smiling I told
him I definitely needed one causing him to chuckle at my
apparent nervousness. Sitting down next to him was so very
odd as if this was not real and only happening in my imagination.
But the reality was I was at a bar with another man and knew
what we were going to share before our afternoon together
was over.


“It is really nice to finally meet you, ” he whispered.
I smiled and agreed although I had a very hard time concentrating.
We had not sat next to each other for more than ten minutes
when he told me it was time to go. There was simply no way to
get a grip on what was now in motion as I followed him out the
door. “You can ride with me. I already have us a room, ”
he said as I remained silent somewhere between shocked
and breathless.


The man and I had exchanged hundreds of emails if not more
yet I felt like he was now a complete stranger. I don’t
know why but I climbed into his car and sat silent as he drove
us a near the airport and in front of one of the large hotels.
I think he also sensed my deep fears because he turned to
me before we went in and said, “I know you’re nervous.
But remember this is what you asked for.” At that moment
I certainly didn’t feel like the wife from the suburbs.
.


I tried to nod as I climbed out of his car and walked to the
elevator in the lobby. My real life, real husband and
and everything else that was part of me seemed so distant.
I was acting out something I had dreamt of my entire life
yet still had no idea how I ever got up the courage to do it.
Riding up to the room I saw how handsome and well groomed
Ronnie was. His cologne also got to me as I kept thinking
about how in just a few minutes I was going to share all of
me with this man I had just met.


Once in our room all I could stare at was the bed knowing that
was where I was going to end up. “Ok. I’ll pour or us some
wine while you strip down to your bra and panties, ” he
said before leaving me just inside the door frozen like
a block of ice. “You mean right now?” I recall asking
in shock at his casual comments took me by surprise. Ronnie
turned, smiled and nodded yes.


I just froze up for a few seconds feeling my body trembling
nearly out of control. He wisely gave me a few seconds knowing
I was in shock before he turned to me again and repeated,
“Yes you heard me. Strip down to your panties and bra so
I can see what you picked out.” With my fingers feeling
numb I began to unbutton my blouse while he had his back to
me. The cooler room air soon coated my warm flesh as my blouse
came open just as he turned.


“Very nice. I knew from your profile your breasts would
be very special, ” he said after taking a seat to watch
me undress for him. I can’t say I enjoyed it but part of
my sexuality was getting more excited doing this in front
of him. My breasts felt like they had doubled in weight from
the sheer tension I was under. The lacy white bra I had bought
showed him my nipples as Ronnie sat smiling a few feet from
me.


I pulled my blouse off my shoulders and folded it neatly
next to the TV. “Ronnie. I am very nervous, ” I said
softly as he sipped his wine and pointed to the glass he had
poured for me. Walking to it, I took a sip with my bra visible
for him to see. And through all our nervousness there was
also a real chemistry developing as incredible as they
may sound.


He watched me constantly as I reached behind and unzipped
my skirt next. I felt the air leaving my lungs as I fell to
the floor at my feet. I hoped he liked what he was seeing as
I closed my eyes for a second or two to gather myself once
again. When I opened them I saw him standing up ready to approach
me which caused me to back up a few steps.


“Don’t try and fight this, ” he said as I stopped
moving while he moved to within inches of me. I had not been
touched by another man in over twenty years and once his
warm hands reached out and touched my shoulders I nearly
collapsed. Ronnie was gentle with me as his hands rubbed
my shoulders and arms while I continued shaking. But each
time he got closer to touching my bra my body jerked a little
out of fear. He stopped and looked into my eyes before asking
me, “You are here because you want this. Right?” I was
too nervous to speak and answered by shaking my head yes.



“Ok then we understand what you want and what I want, ”
he replied. “Now reach behind and unhook your bra, ”
he said softly to me. My pussy was leaking as I felt the moistness
growing more with each passing second. Being near him was
breathtaking. I was no longer the twenty two year old virgin
but I felt the same way I did being next to Ronnie.


My bra came loose as I hesitated for a few seconds holding
it over my breasts. Our eyes were locked onto one another’s
and the sexual tension was thick like frosting on a cake.
Holding it to me as if somehow keeping my breasts covered
was going to save me, Ronnie took control and yanked it from
my hands. I gasped for air before his strong hands covered
my breasts like large blankets made for each of them.


“Just try and relax. Before I am done you will have no secrets
left, ” he said as my urges began to build. And then he
surprised me in a good way by pulling into his arms as we hugged
again but this time with more passion and less friendship.
“Will you please kiss me, ” I whispered to him as he
held me tight. It was apparent Ronnie was enjoying feeling
my large breasts crushed against his chest even though
his shirt was still on.


He let me go, removed his shirt and pulled me back tight to
him as our lips finally met each other’s and I melted.
I had wanted to have him fuck me but once our lips met, I then
needed to for him to fuck me. It changed everything for me
as if there was no more reasons left to fear what we were doing
or what we were going to do for the rest of the afternoon.



My panties were soaked and clung to my lips as he chuckled
and commented how wet I looked to be. He removed his slacks
revealing his thick manhood in front of me and it made me
want him even more. Ronnie sat on the edge of the bed and positioned
me on my knees in front of his cock. Without having to be told,
I reached for it and slowly took him into my mouth. It was
different than my husband’s yet the same in many ways.
Ronnie guided me holding my head with his hands as my mouth
became his first chance to thrust into me.


His masculine scent was intoxicating the longer I had my
face buried in his crotch. It was raw and animal like yet
it was exactly what I wanted. His shaft grew more rigid the
hotter he was becoming. And then without any warning he
grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to my feet sending me into
shock for yet another time. It was again another indication
that Ronnie was in charge and I was not going to be treated
as his lover.


The man had fire in his eyes as he pushed me onto my back on
the bed. I quickly crawled up pushing a pillow under my head
as he moved towards me as if he was stalking his prey about
to strike. Grabbing my panties he ripped them off my legs
with one swift jerk. I hardly could find my breath when he
forced me legs apart revealing my wet swollen pussy.


I just knew this man was the kind of male who was going to fuck
me harder than I have ever been fucked before. “Masturbate
in front of me, just like you told me in all your notes, ”
he said staring at my wet crack. “Please don’t ask me
to do that, I have never done that in front of anyone, ”
I replied feeling very helpless.


But Ronnie seemed to grow angry looking down at me without
replying. I closed my eyes and slowly moved my fingers down
over my pubic hair until I reached my clit. I moved them slowly
at first too embarrassed to open my eyes and watch him looking
at me doing this to myself. But within just a few seconds
my urges and demons seized control as my fingers moved faster
and faster swirling around my swollen clit. I have never
needed an orgasm as bad as I needed that one even if he was
watching me.


My breathing quicken as I heard him encouraging me to cum.
The pressure built and the dam burst within seconds as my
juices gushed from my pussy in front of him. It felt like
I had been punched a thousand times as my entire body felt
drained yet relieved. As my fingers began to slow I laid
gasping for air waiting for him to take me. He was ready and
so was I as I opened my eyes and saw his thick cock moving closer
to me.


At that point I was no longer the housewife from the suburbs
and had transformed myself into a lust filled woman in need
of a man. I waited as his shaft pressed against me before
ramming in with the kind of force I feared but had always
desired. It took my breath away as all of a suddenly I realized
his body and mine were together as one. My mind was racing
all over the place focused on his hard thick shaft filling
me up. He began to pound in and out of me giving no mind to me
what so ever. I never imagined intercourse to feel this
way as he used me over and over. And just when I thought he
was near the end, Ronnie stopped and climbed off me leaving
me breathless and confused.


“Did I do something wrong?” I asked as he pulled me by
my legs down to the end of the bed. “No just follow me, ”
he said as we walked into the bathroom. With his throbbing
organ he was clearly in a hurry to push his fat cock back into
me. Ronnie lifted me up and placed me on the edge of the vanity
and forced himself back between my legs and back into my
wet dripping pussy. I sat teetering trying not to fall as
his thick cock went back to punishing me while he stared
down and watched our bodies mesh together.


“You’re fucking amazing, ” he said as I started
to gasp for air all over again. “So are you, ” I replied
wrapping my arms around his neck. We were both so crazed
by how we were making each other feel, the urges were too
strong for either of us to stop. It was a bit savage like the
way he pumped in and out of me while all I did was hold on feeling
him deep within my womanhood for the first time.


I had never experienced an ordeal like the one he was forcing
on me as I listened to our bodies making those ugly unpleasant
sexual sounds when two adults are mating. Once he placed
his hands on my hips and held me firmly I waited as his face
grew twisted as he sucked for air. It was amazing to be part
of something so perfect, even if was wrong.


“Oh fuck” he mumbled as his body began to coil. “Fuck
me hard. Real hard, ” I said holding myself as tight to him as I could. Ronnie grunted
just once and as the air left his lungs I felt his shaft begin
to spasm. Ronnie grunted and groaned while he filled me
with his hot sticky brew. His ejaculation went on for some
time as he continued thrusting into me while shooting more
and more into my womb.


I soon began to feel his hot cum running down the inside of
my thighs. And when Ronnie finally did remove his shaft
from me a river of sticky warm gushed out splashing onto
the bathroom tile floor. My senses did not return until
well after my warm, refreshing shower. And yes so guilt
also returned until I casually walked out into the hotel
room naked and saw him lying on the bed we had sinned on with
a wonderful smile.


“You were terrific, ” he said as I giggled and walked
over to pick up my clothing. “Don’t leave yet, ”
he said as I paused long enough to realize we might not be
done for the afternoon. I watched TV while he showered and
then we laid on the bed and talked about everything in our
lives including our spouses.


“I can’t see you again, ever, ” I said softly. “I
know but you’re here now, ” he replied as he pulled
me back into his arms and it started all over again. Our second
union was much slower in the beginning but then we now new
each other better and how we could work together to make
it even better. By the time Ronnie tasted my pussy and made
me climax I was out of control. The second time he entered
my body, I truly became one with the man.


To this day I still remain restless yet with a wonderful
memory of a wonderful afternoon.