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old man 2013/6/5
An old man is walking down the street one afternoon when
he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your
breasts for $100?"
"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking
away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner
before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts
for $1, 000?" he asks again. ...
0 コメント, 125 閲覧された回数,
3 投票
,4.41 スコア
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1st grade student 2013/6/5
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with
one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's
your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade.
My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she
is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's
office.
While Harry waited in ...
0 コメント, 171 閲覧された回数,
6 投票
,5.36 スコア
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sincerely, edna 2013/6/5
This letter was sent to the School Principal's office
after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors.
An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door
raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.
Dear Lions Bay School,
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent
Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the
West Vancouver Home for ...
0 コメント, 110 閲覧された回数,
7 投票
,5.84 スコア
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parrot 2013/6/5
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different
each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over
again.
There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the
shows each week and began to understand how the magician
did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting
in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same
hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers ...
1 コメント, 93 閲覧された回数,
7 投票
,3.55 スコア
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man in the house 2013/6/5
Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You
Can Be The Man of Your House.'
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From
now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and
my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,
and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve
me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go ...
0 コメント, 92 閲覧された回数,
8 投票
,4.64 スコア
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farmhand 2013/6/5
A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences.
After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss,
I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's
stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling.
What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun.
Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you
can pull it out and throw it in a ...
0 コメント, 114 閲覧された回数,
5 投票
,3.47 スコア
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Lawnmower 2013/6/4
A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle when he came
upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
"How much do you want for the mower?" asked the
preacher.
"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle, "
said the little boy.
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"
The little boy asked ...
0 コメント, 167 閲覧された回数,
7 投票
,5.59 スコア
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Senior wedding 2013/6/4
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami , are
all excited about their decision to get married. They go
for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass
a drugstore.. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell ...
0 コメント, 73 閲覧された回数,
3 投票
,3.92 スコア
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Getting Even 2013/6/2
Two Rednecks were in a bar drinking. One says to the other,
"If I went to your house, screwed your wife and she
had my baby, would that make us relatives?" The other
says, "No, but it would make us even."
0 コメント, 166 閲覧された回数,
10 投票
,3.39 スコア
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DC Traffic Jam 2013/6/2
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside
the Capitol Building in Washington, DC. Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's
going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress,
and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them
all in ...
0 コメント, 134 閲覧された回数,
12 投票
,4.39 スコア
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Golf 2013/5/31
I came home from the golf course today. The wife left a note on the fridge:
"IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore!!
Gone to stay with my Mother."
I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold...
What the hell is she talking about?
0 コメント, 190 閲覧された回数,
9 投票
,3.00 スコア
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I failed 2013/5/31
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center
today.
One of the questions was:
"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"F*cking' big ones" was apparently the
wrong answer.
0 コメント, 96 閲覧された回数,
8 投票
,3.25 スコア
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Who knew? 2013/5/30
-------- --------- ---------
Men can read smaller Print than women can; women can hear better. --------- --------- ---------
Coca-Cola was originally green.
--------- --------- --------- It is impossible to lick your elbow.
--------- --------- --------- The State with the Highest percentage of people who walk
to work: Alaska
--------- --------- ...
0 コメント, 140 閲覧された回数,
8 投票
,4.87 スコア
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Red Coat 2013/5/28
During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the
world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that
included the famous Red Coat Many people have asked, "why
did the British wear red coats in battle?"
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one
battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took
him to their headquarters, and the French General began ...
0 コメント, 136 閲覧された回数,
8 投票
,4.87 スコア
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Who in here has been screwing my wife 2013/5/28
A man walked into his crowded local bar, waved a revolver
around and yelled
"Who in here has been screwing my wife?"
A voice from the back of the bar yelled back "You're gonna need more ammo!"
1 コメント, 229 閲覧された回数,
11 投票
,5.78 スコア
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I'm leaving 2013/5/28
The nice mother-in-law comes over and finds her -in-law
furious, and packing his suitcase.
"What happened"?? She asks.
Bob screamed, "What happened? I'll tell you
what happened! I sent an email to my wife saying that I was
coming home from my trip today. I got home and guess what I found? My wife, yes my Rachel,
your , with a naked guy in our marital bed! This
is the end of our ...
0 コメント, 194 閲覧された回数,
6 投票
,3.37 スコア
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If this isn't really true, it ought to be. 2013/5/28
A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on
a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white woman reading
her Bible.
Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight
attendant and demanded a new seat. The man said "I
cannot sit here next to this infidel." The flight
attendant said "Let me see if I can find another ...
3 コメント, 165 閲覧された回数,
11 投票
,4.29 スコア
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True Love 2013/5/28
Max & Arlene lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota. It
vas early vinter and da lake had frozen over. Max asked Arlene
if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store
to get him some beer. She asked him for some money but he told
her, “Nah, yust put it on our tab.”
So Arlene valked across, got the beer at da yeneral store,
den walked back home across the lake. Ven she ...
0 コメント, 120 閲覧された回数,
8 投票
,3.94 スコア
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Construction worker 2013/5/22
A construction worker on the 5th floor
of a high rise building needed a handsaw. So he spotted another worker on the ground floor and yelled
down to him. While the guy on the ground, could hear his name
called he couldn't quite grasp what the guy wanted.
So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.....
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to
his knee meaning ...
0 コメント, 164 閲覧された回数,
8 投票
,4.17 スコア
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Gynecologist's Assistant 2013/5/22
A man went into the State unemployment office in downtown
Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's
Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read -- "The job entails
getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them
down and carefully wash their private ...
0 コメント, 196 閲覧された回数,
12 投票
,5.27 スコア
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Worried about her husband's temper 2013/5/22
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's
temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to
do . Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason.
It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems
that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of
water and start swishing it in ...
0 コメント, 198 閲覧された回数,
13 投票
,6.16 スコア
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CLASSIC ENGLISH LESSON 2013/5/22
This is the best, most interesting English lesson I have
had to date. Did you know "listen" and "silent"
use the same letters?
Do you know that the words "race car" spelled
backwards still spells "race car"?
And that "eat" is the only word that if you take
the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past
tense "ate"? And have you noticed that if you rearrange the ...
1 コメント, 152 閲覧された回数,
12 投票
,5.45 スコア
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Cell phones in public 2013/5/21
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and
closed her eyes.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next
to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a
loud voice: "Hi, sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train."
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four
thirty, but I had a long meeting."
"No, honey, not with that blonde ...
0 コメント, 169 閲覧された回数,
14 投票
,5.86 スコア
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EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY 2013/5/21
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit
Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired
God.
'It is all so beautiful, God, ' she replied. 'The
sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the
sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem..
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one
pushes the other two out and I am constantly ...
0 コメント, 128 閲覧された回数,
9 投票
,1.50 スコア
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Heaven... 2013/5/18
Mike and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for
sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed
to get by because they carefully watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely
due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise
for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went
on a vacation ...
0 コメント, 154 閲覧された回数,
9 投票
,4.28 スコア
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"What's the matter?" 2013/5/18
Bob was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside
him.
The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning
in fear.
"What's the matter?" Bob asked.
"I've been transferred to Chicago, there are
crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings,
gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the
highest crime rate in the nation."
Bob ...
0 コメント, 165 閲覧された回数,
13 投票
,4.65 スコア
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burglaries increasing dramatically 2013/5/18
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few
months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the
entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and
ran a single wire along the top of the fence.
Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply
had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and ...
2 コメント, 158 閲覧された回数,
11 投票
,5.60 スコア
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The Night Light 2013/5/18
The Night Light
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come
back with normal results.
The doctor says, "George, everything looks great.
How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace
with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have
poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the
middle of the night to go to the ...
0 コメント, 115 閲覧された回数,
7 投票
,2.79 スコア
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Dancing 2013/5/18
Dancing
I went to the pub last night and saw a large woman dancing
on a table.
I said, " Nice legs."
The woman giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really
think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed
by now."
0 コメント, 112 閲覧された回数,
8 投票
,3.25 スコア
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IRISH COMPASSION 2013/5/14
A man was sitting on a blanket at the ocean beach. He had no
arms and no legs.
Three women, the first from England, the second from Wales,
and the third from Ireland, were walking past the poor man
feeling sorry for him.
The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"
The man said "No, " so she gave him a nice warm
hug and walked on.
The Welsh woman said, "Have you ...
1 コメント, 141 閲覧された回数,
8 投票
,4.17 スコア
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