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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Sexpert > Sex Queen, Part 2
Sex Queen, Part 2   by The AFF Editors

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Co-owner of the sexy San Francisco toy boutiques, Good Vibrations(www.Goodvibes.com), Carol Queen is busy these days preparing for San Francisco's first Center for Sex and Culture. Queen's books on sexuality -- Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture, The Leather Daddy and the Femme, Exhibitionism for the Shy -- have helped countless men and women understand their bodies and feel good about their desires.

What else has Carol Queen been up to? Well, her latest book of short stories is out, called 5 Minute Erotica. And you'll find the Queen herself in a flurry of sexy videos: in Joani Blank's movie "Orgasm! The Faces of Ecstasy," in Annie Sprinkle's newest, "Annie Sprinkle's Wonderful World of Orgasm" (out next month), and in her own video project: "G Marks the Spot: A Good Vibrations Guide to the G-Spot."

You may have seen Carol Queen's name in our article on "May is Masturbation Month," since she was the founder of that handsome tradition. And now, here she is to tell us about sex in the life of a Queen.

AFF: What are some of the ways people are nervous about using sex toys and what answers do you give them?

QUEEN: "My partner doesn't want me to use toys or is jealous." Answer: Play with the toy together. Get frisky and make sure both of you get pleasure. It's easier to introduce a toy that way.

"Vibrators are only for women." Answer: Put that vibrator on your cockhead and turn it on!

"Vibrators are only for women who can't have orgasms any other way." Answer: Sometimes a woman hasn't yet learned to have orgasms and a vibrator is so strong and steady that it gets her over the hump. We should buy that vibrator roses! Coming is good! If there's only one way someone comes, we have to respect that, but that doesn't mean they won't learn other ways, especially if they're not pressured and can take their time.

"I'll get addicted to that vibrator." Answer: No, but you might want to buy it roses! And if it's easier to come with a vibrator, you might get very into it; you might even get habituated to it. But there are ways to expand the kind of response you have, so consider the vibe a stepping-stone to your future sex life.

AFF: Most of us have been to, or know women who have been to, pleasure parties and I know Good Vibrations offers these. What kinds of things go on at these parties?

QUEEN: Our parties are non-explicit, so the liveliest they get is usually very lively Q&A, plus lots of hoots and hollers as new toys are revealed. Our parties emphasize a pretty wide range of toys: vibrators, dildos, anal toys, bondage gear, sensual products, SM gear, men's toys, condoms and lube. The parties include lots of information about how the toys are used, safety and cleaning, how the body's arousal process works, how to communicate about them and introduce them to partners. Then people can order their own favorites. It really helps someone who's new to toys to SEE them, and also be able to handle them; turning a vibrator on makes a lot of difference.

AFF: We see that magic wand vibrator a lot in masturbation pics, the one with the "tennis ball" sized end. What advantages does it have over, say, the small bullet or rocket vibrator? And what's the best way to use it?

QUEEN: The Magic Wand is a lot bigger than most other vibes. It's electric, rather than battery-powered, so it's stronger, and the size means that it stimulates lots of nerves at once and the stimulation is diffuse. For many people that's a good combo: strong, but not so focused that it's uncomfortable. It also will last longer than most battery vibes, which are not generally as well made. So those are some quality differences. But if you like a battery vibe better, there's no reason to talk yourself out of it! To use the Magic Wand, most women move it around their labia and clit till they find the place it feels best. Some like it right on the clit, some a little distance away. I smush mine up using my labia to further diffuse and carry the vibration. Some rock it back and forth, some keep it in one place. What it's NOT generally used for is penetration; a lot of people still think a vibrator goes in the vagina, but more vibration is felt externally, around the clit, than internally.

AFF: Men outnumber women on AFF sometimes as much as 10 to 1. So our readers may be interested to know that there are sex toys out there for men. I believe I saw a sort of vibrating sleeve for men with a vulva entrance. Can you tell me more about it?

QUEEN: Most toys marketed for men are penis-related; they're designed to interact directly with it, like the sleeve you mention (the kind we carry is called the Fleshlight, another similar one is the Ecsta-Sleeve). Some have vibrators or bumps and ripples inside the sleeve that add extra sensation. Many are very tight; most are made of stretchy, soft material.

AFF: What are some hot new things out for men?


QUEEN: There are pumps, which allow a guy to play with suction, and cock rings, including ones with vibrators. But of course many men also like anal play (and this is NOT related to their sexual orientation), so butt plugs and dildos can be popular for men as well as women. These toys are all popular (the Fleshlights especially).

AFF: What do you say to guys who've never thought about using a sex toy for masturbation?

QUEEN: My question for guys who've never thought of toy play is: Why should women have all the fun of new kinds of stimulation? They are great for masturbation but also fun during partner sex, and many guys really love being able to explore their bodies in the way that only toys allow them to do. You have all these nerve endings, you know; you might as well stimulate them!

AFF: What's so great about vibrators?

QUEEN: Most people don't know that we have specialized nerve endings whose job is to process vibration. Not surprisingly, they are very prevalent around the clitoris and the penis. Vibration is thus a separate sense! And it's one that many people find very erotic and stimulating. Vibrators allow a range of sensation and a consistency of stimulation that sometimes a human partner doesn't give. That can add up to bigger orgasms.

AFF: You've said that the g-spot stimulation during standard intercourse leaves much to be desired. What interesting combinations of toys and penetration do you find make for the most exciting g-spot stimulation?

QUEEN: I'm a big fan of fingers and tongues, or fingers while I masturbate. But toys work too; a vibrator on the clit plus a hard, curved dildo will help locate the G-spot better than intercourse mostly will, because the penis usually slides by the spot without focusing strongly enough on it.

AFF: What are some of the new, exciting things coming along in terms of sexual discovery and sex toys.

QUEEN: Well, toys are being made smaller; vibes are gettting tiny! That's a technological innovation that I'm sure many people welcome. Wireless vibrators are getting better. There's a cool new vibe called the Audi-Oh which buzzes to music. It varies depending on what's on the stereo! Or you can talk dirty and it vibrates in time to your voice. Pretty techno! And materials are being developed for greater lifelike-ness, though I think we still have a way to go.

AFF: You teach a lot of classes and workshops. Could you share a couple of anecdotes, specific people stories, where someone learned a small technique or sex secret that changed their whole enjoyment of sex. Or put another way, what are some hot tips of "little known treasures" that you've seen work wonders in people's sex lives?

QUEEN:In a Betty Dodson workshop I learned something I always recommend now:
1)Breathe deeply and move during sexual stimulation. It lets the energy flow much better and can make the difference between getting turned on or not.

2)Another tip I like to share involves learning that the clit isn't just a little button the size of a pea. It's shaped like a wishbone and goes into the body; the "wishbone legs" wrap around the sides of the vagina. You can actually stimulate it from inside!

3) And of course learning that the curve of the fingers, plus lube, plus pressure, is the best recipe to hunt for the G-spot has changed many women's lives.

[To be continued . . .]