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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Sexpert > What's Better Than Pussy?
What's Better Than Pussy?   by Dr. Z and Dr. Downs

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A reader asks:

My girlfriend doesn't like it when I use "pussy" to talk about her pussy. All the other names for it that I can think of she likes even less. Is there another word for it that she wouldn't object to?


Dr. Z answers:

Funny you should ask. This is something I struggle with all the time, not only as a sex writer, but also in my daily life. Often I wish I could talk about a woman's pussy, or the pussy in general, in a totally neutral way. What I wish for is a word like "breasts." You can say breasts anywhere and in any company; everyone knows exactly what you're talking about, but you don't sound like Andrew Dice Clay, a bad poet, or a medical textbook. And yet Andrew Dice Clay, bad poets, and medical textbooks all say "breasts," too.

If you don't like the word "pussy," some might say call it a vagina. I think that's fine, if in fact you are talking about the vagina and only the vagina. I like to be precise about what I call things. The vagina, strictly speaking, is the tube of muscle and mucous membrane that leads from the outside of the body to the cervix and uterus. But too often people use the word "vagina" to refer to the vagina and the vulva, which includes the labia, clitoris, and urethra. To borrow an excellent analogy from The Guide to Getting It On, calling the whole shebang a "vagina" is like calling your whole face a "mouth."

Whenever I use the word "vagina," I'm talking about the vagina. There's no other word in the dictionary for it. It's an ugly, clinical word. "Vulva" and "labia" also have a whiff of formaldehyde about them.

As a name for the female genitals dating way back to the 1600s, "pussy" has a lot going for it. For one, it refers to the whole thing, not just the hole. It also aptly evokes the pussy's feline nature-finicky, aloof with strangers, but friendly and playful with those it trusts. And although many pussies these days look more like Mr. Bigglesworth than Sylvester, "pussy" also refers to soft fur that's pleasing to pet.

Unfortunately, even after 400 years of use throughout the English speaking world, "pussy" has yet to be elevated from low slang to polite vocabulary. Whatever merits the word itself may have, most people still take offense to it, or are at least a little embarrassed by it. The fact remains that you still can't say "pussy" in mixed company, even if you are talking about a cat.

Of course, if Oprah were to endorse the word, its stigma would disappear overnight. Instead, on her show in 2006, she gave her special endorsement to "vajayjay." Because Oprah said it, everyone can say "vajayjay" without blushing. It's sassy; it's cute; it's the vajayjay! And I hate it. It is to vagina what "jammies" are to pajamas. I don't want to fuck a vajayjay.

Since I can't see "pussy" getting mainstream acceptability anytime soon, I'd like to suggest an alternate that's not cutesy, not offensive, not metaphorical, and that refers to the vagina and pudendum together. The word is "minge."

"Minge" (rhymes with binge) is a chiefly British and Aussie slang term that has been in use for about 100 years. I think we could put it to good use here in the States, too.

Somebody say, "Hey, we want some minge!"

This article originally appeared in Penthouse Forum.