My Magazine > Editors Archive > Sexpert > To Host or Not To Host?
To Host or Not To Host?   by Lola

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Lola of HedoOnline


It's a great day: the birds are chirping, the weather is spectacular, and your significant other is as wonderful in your eyes as ever...and you both have the weekend all to yourselves.

Seems like your lucky day! Even your horoscope says so. Why not check to see if there are any replies to the message you posted, letting others know you're available this weekend? And what do you find? A couple who is willing to meet you both….TONIGHT! But where, oh where will these extra curricular activities take place?

They've replied: “Would definitely love to meet you…can you host?” Damn, you didn't quite plan for the positive response. Now what do you do? What needs to be considered? Why can't they host? Well, you've got something thinking to do.

Not everyone in the lifestyle actually spends lots of time thinking about how their play sessions will pan out, but it is a good idea to do so from time to time. Some of us are “free for alls” who just go with the flow, based on our living arrangements or the ability to finance our pleasure domains at a whim. But for some, money, family, and timing can inhibit our ability to fully realize our experiences when they are not planned carefully and in advance.


Unlike what is perceived about those in the lifestyle by the “vanilla conservatives” as being an irresponsible bunch of heathens, most of us are just everyday normal people with families, mortgages, and nosy neighbors just like everyone else. We tend to care about our privacy and protect our children from our own adult lifestyle endeavors and wouldn't want to mix the two, even if they are at grandma's for the weekend.

For others, this may not be a problem. “Kids out of the way, so the adults can play” is a welcoming proposition and should certainly not to be confused with being irresponsible. It's just a matter of personal choice between consulting adults. But if you do choose to host when the kids are absent, here are some little words of advice.

First, make sure you tell your guests that you do have children and to make sure they ARE at grandma's. Last thing you want is to be in full “play” mode when one of your kids walks in wearing Spiderman pajamas asking: “What are they doing to mommy?” and you have to explain to your kids that they were just dreaming the next morning. Good luck trying that with a twelve year old. (Has happened!)

Also, warn your guests about any pets you might have. An out-of-control hair ball from your cat can cause a quick exit – and your dog humping your guest's leg while you freshen up is not the doggy style they expected. So be courteous and aware that all people may not take too kind to the “other” members of your family. Discussing the pets you have is also very important as many people have extreme allergies. I myself am deathly allergic to cats and their dander, and there’s nothing that brings the libido to a halt than a swollen face, watery eyes and the inability to breathe. Needless to say, NOT SEXY.


Consider getting to know the couple you'd like to play with a little better, before inviting them back to your place. This can be a tremendous way to find out what they like and what they don't like, helping you to prepare yourselves as great hosts. When you host, your guest should feel like the “red carpet” has been rolled out for them. Making your guest feel special, like picking up their favorite red wine or preparing a dish that they mentioned during your conversation is sexy foreplay! It shows that you’ve paid attention to detail and are considerate and passionate about making people feel good. Don't skimp on this; it's just good hospitality.


Hey, we've all done it. People will excuse themselves to use your bathroom and WILL check to see just what's in the medicine cabinet. Aside from making sure your bathroom is clean enough to eat in, remember to put away those creams and ointments that you don't really want to explain away. Having your guests suddenly come down with the flu after a quick bathroom visit is a good indication that you forgot. Which leads us to the obvious next suggestion. Make sure you don't need to use creams and ointments by being in good health. Yet, if you're in need of prescribed meds on this night, reschedule your playtime. Please!


Assuming you've enjoyed a fun filled session with your good friends, it's late and now you're confronted with the question: “Should we invite them to stay the night, or kindly urge them to get the hell up out of here?” This needs to be established between you and yours beforehand as to avoid one of you unexpectedly handing out the extra toothbrushes and robes. For some, the consideration of a full night stay may not occur until you've crossed that bridge based on the tremendous time you had. Some of us can afford to just go with the flow and some can't. For those who can….preparation is key. Either way make certain both you and your spouse are on the same page prior to your guest's arrival.


Some are fortunate to always have the ability to host and love doing so. Don't feel bad if you can't. It's about being honest and sharing fun times whenever and wherever the opportunity presents itself. Hopefully you seek to establish great friendships, which lead to great times. Once you all feel comfortable with one another, you all can establish your own rules of engagement. Just don't forget that respect, thoughtfulness, cleanliness, and creative ideas, go a long way in establishing yourselves as good hosts. I hope this little bit of fun advice helps some of you in your pursuit in becoming the host with the most.