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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Sexpert > Check Out our splashy articles in *Wet and Wild* August!!
Check Out our splashy articles in *Wet and Wild* August!!   by Sonia Davide & Diana Dillinger

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Cum Again . . . Again!



Welcome to the second installment of our delicious load-clone contest! If you’re new to the magazine, check our archives to see the first part of the counterfeit cum competition. And for those of you returning, here’s a quick recap:


I’d never so much as thought about bogus baby batter until a contact in the industry clued me in: apparently, synthetic semen is used regularly in porn flicks. I know it may come as a shock to you to find out that those spectacular pearl necklaces you’ve oohed and ahhed over might just be “imitation pearls,” but it makes sense: after a few shots, even the hardiest member has a hard time producing the quantities of cum necessary to cover a starlet’s face. Obviously, it’s far easier to strap on a squeegee tube than to find a matching stunt cock.

Needless to say, a volume-obsessed chick such as myself couldn’t help but get curious. How to make the best pseudo-sploodge? And wouldn't an endless supply of pseudo-sploodge make for a fantastic set of sexy photos? So I grabbed my girlie friend (fellow editor Diana Dillinger) and we enthusiastically set about testing a few recipes in hopes of finding the hottest cum.

Diana and I collected our ingredients (recipes below) and retreated to the kitchen, where we turned on the stove and got to work. An hour later, it looked as though our kitchen had been the victim of a gang-bang . . . neither of us is a particularly tidy cook. Undeterred, we loaded up our applicators, and retreated to the bedroom. It didn’t take long for the clothes to come off, and I have to confess that shooting Diana with the batter was at least as fun as shooting her on film.

Thanks to members' many thoughtful comments we now have the winning recipes:

So without further ado here are your favorite picks, the stories behind them, and the secret recipes that made them:

After looking over the results, the winner was clear: you decided that Secret Recipe #2 was the hands-down prize. (And for the skeptics out there, no, that shot wasn’t the real thing.) In fact, it was one of the simplest of the man-juice mixtures we whipped up!



Secret Recipe #1
  • 1 cup condensed milk
  • 2-3 egg whites

Using a fork, slowly blend the egg whites into the condensed milk. Stop when you’ve reached the right consistency. We’d recommended using store-bought, pasteurized whites, so that if you get a little in your mouth, you’ll not have to worry about coming down with salmonella!




While this recipe was delectably tasty (condensed milk is the most heavenly ‒ and rich - coffee creamer you’ll find!), we were disappointed by the runniness. If you decide to try it yourself, you might want to cut the milk and add more egg whites. No promises, though. Go for this only if you want help smiling enthusiastically through a tremendous mouthful of spunk . . . again, it’s so delicious that you won’t need to fake your lip-smacking delight.



And the winner! Secret Recipe #2
  • 2 Tbsp flour
  • 1.5 cups water

Pour the cold water into a saucepan and add two flat tablespoons of flour, stirring gently until all the lumps have disappeared. When you’ve finished, the liquid should be milky and smooth. Bring to a boil, and then simmer over a high heat, stirring constantly, until it thickens. When the consistency reminds of KY jelly, you’re done. All that’s needed is to let it cool.


Again, nearly all of you agreed that Secret Recipe #2 was the winner. While not quite as quick as some options, the flour and water mixture doesn’t require an extensive shopping list, and is fantastically edible: with just a sprinkle of salt it even tastes a bit like the real thing. Also, it can easily be made up to a few days in advance, and is easily stored in the refrigerator. Too, it’s one of those that you can play around with near your delicate parts without fear of infection. (Any recipe with a high sugar content should be kept away from vulnerable pussies: yeast breeds like crazy in sweet solutions. You do the math.) Our recommendation? Turn on the stove and try a batch yourself.



Secret Recipe #3
  • KY Jelly
  • Hand cream

Mix equal parts KY jelly and your favorite white hand cream until you’ve got an appropriately gooey puddle, then grease up and get to it!




This one we’d enthusiastically recommend for jerk-off purposes. If you’d like to engage in a little fantasy play where your genitals come first, this is the recipe to use: it’s sexily sticky and superslippery and feels just like the real thing. If you’re a girl who finds the sensation of semen arousing, try this. We had a blast applying the stuff, and giggled about how we both couldn’t wait to lube up one of our vibes.




Secret Recipe #4
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 egg white
  • 2 Tbsp corn starch
  • 1 Tbsp plain yogurt
  • 1 pinch salt

Mix the cornstarch into a quarter of the cut of water, and set it aside. Bring the remaining water, and a pinch of salt, to simmer in a small saucepan, and then stir in the cornstarch mixture. Simmer the mixture for about two minutes, stirring all the while. (It’ll be disconcertingly thick, but don’t worry!) Remove it from the stove, and cool it thoroughly. Once it’s room temperature, stir in the egg white and yogurt. Mix until smooth.

Note: Make sure the corn starch mixture has cooled completely before adding the egg white; otherwise the protein will cook.





Diana and I were sorely disappointed with this; a recipe this complicated should’ve been indistinguishable from the real thing. If you’re a Martha Stewart-wannabe and get off on baking, this might be something to try. Otherwise? Too much work. I think we’ve all got better things to do.







Secret Recipe #5
  • White Rain conditioner

Buy conditioner. Splatter away.




One of our male friends swore up and down that this was the stuff they used in films. After loading up our applicator and letting loose, we think he just got too excited in the shower. Perhaps with an active enough imagination you might be able to concoct a titillating tub-time usage. Otherwise, unless you’re looking for silkier pubes, forget this one.






Secret Recipe #6
  • Pearls.

Obtain necklace. Arrange to taste.






Yeah, yeah. You guys all knew there was something up with this one. We just couldn’t resist trying on a real pearl necklace.







Most of these recipes, obviously, had both upsides and downs. While the hand cream and KY mixture felt hot as hell, it’s not something you’d want to get in your mouth. The condensed milk and egg white, on the other hand, tasted like some kind of forbidden crème-de-leche, but ‒ as I mentioned above ‒ was sugary enough that it’d be a below-the-belt no-no. We also should confess that we threw out a few utter disasters: we bashed open a coconut in hopes of using the milky substance within, but were disappointed to find only a pale watery fluid. (Diana had noticed that she’d had other coconuts that did contain a more cum-like interior, so perhaps our fuzzy globe was just a bad nut.)

Also, whole-fat yogurt works in a pinch (as in last week's cover shot) ‒ and if you blend maple and plain, you’ll even get a realistic hue!

In cum-clusion, I’ll say that Diana and I had a blast . . . pun intended. In fact, it’s hard to even think about any downsides to this man-juice extravaganza; even cleaning up was fun! (Not wanting to waste the copious amount of egg white and flour we’d purchased, we decided to put the leftovers to good use . . . you can see the results of our bukakke cookies above.) So if you’ve got a free evening and a experimental bent, you might want to try cooking up a different kind of guy-gravy. In fact, if you do decide to have a go, make sure to come back here and record your own delicious report in the comments section!