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High-Speed Wireless   by Greta Christina

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Reviewer Greta Christina has worked in and around the sex industry for over a decade writing about it, editing books about it, and living it. She edited Paying For It, a collection of articles by all kinds of sex workers: dommes, escorts, peep show girls, T-girls. She's got a novella called Bending coming out this July in Susie Bright's book Three Kinds of Asking For It (published by Simon & Schuster). In response to overwhelming member requests for reviews of sex toys, sexy films, and other sex whatnots, Ms. Christina brings her girl-about-sex wisdom twice monthly to Adult FriendFinder. You can check out Ms. Christina on her web site, Here's what she has to say:

Wireless Vibrating Nipple Clamps, $30.60
Available at [extern url=]

It's such a simple idea. But sometimes those are the best. A pair of basic adjustable nipple clamps is attached to a pair of small, wireless vibrators. These aren't "wireless" in the sense of being remote control or anything; they're just self-contained vibes, bullet-style, with batteries in the vibrator itself instead of in a separate battery pack. Nipple clamps are attached to the ends of the bullets -- and voila! You've got a set of vibrating nipple clamps, with no wires or power packs to muck about with or get in the way.

A simple idea. A good idea. So how do they work in practice?

I have to admit: when I first put these on my nipples and turned them on, I was a tad disappointed. The vibrations were noticeable, but they weren't particularly intense or overpowering. Not right away, anyway. The vibrations seemed only mildly interesting: they were pleasant enough, but I wasn't sure at first if they were worth the trouble.

The operative term here, however, is "at first." It didn't take long at all for my opinion of this toy to turn around 100%. See, the thing about vibrating nipple clamps is that they get a whole lot more interesting the longer you wear them. As the clamps stayed on and my nipples got more and more tender, the vibrations rapidly went from moderately amusing to enticingly tantalizing, and from enticingly tantalizing to almost frantically arousing. The soothing, seductive vibrations quickly began to blend with the cruel pressure of the clamps, both heightening the tenderness of my nipples and making the sensation more exciting. And every time the clamps were tightened, the vibrations got more intense.

Of course, like most nipple clamps, these can be used on other tender body parts as well. As excruciatingly sweet as these clamps felt on my nipples, I had to abandon the poor tender things to their fate and see how my other naughty bits felt about the toy. The answer: Pretty darned swell. I love having clamps on my labia -- having that fierce little bite so close to my clit makes me both submissive and desperately fuck-hungry -- and adding vibrations to the package worked me up into a serious frenzy. Everything I just said about the vibrating clamps, how they made my nipples both more tender and more turned on... it goes double for my pussy. (I couldn't get a clamp on my clit, but that's due to my anatomy, not any defect in the toy.) And while I didn't check it out personally, I'm sure these clamps would work just fine on tender male parts as well.

What's more, the whole wire-free thing is very handy indeed. I could stand up, walk around, bounce my tits, spread out on my back, grovel on my hands and knees; I could jerk myself off, or fondle my partner, or just keep my hands submissively behind my back... all without having to carry around some stupid battery pack (or have one dangle awkwardly by the wires). They're very easy to use as well; a simple push-button on the base of the bullet turns it on and off. (No, you can't adjust the vibrations: it's one speed only.)

Now, it's true that the vibrations on this toy aren't super-strong. If I were using one of them just as a vibrator, I'd probably write it off as another frustratingly wimpy battery-powered vibe, strong enough to work me up but not nearly strong enough to get me off.

But these are clamps. They're not meant to get you off. They're meant to torment you. They're meant to be exquisitely cruel, to wind you up and cross your wires with sensation that tortures you while it turns you on. They're meant to hurt, and to tantalize; to make you suffer, and to make you desperate to come, and to leave you hanging on the edge while you suffer some more. And the vibrations on these clamps were plenty strong enough to do all that, and then some.

There are a couple of things you should be aware of before you rush out to buy a pair. The first should be fairly obvious, but I'll mention it anyway: the vibrators add a certain amount of weight to the clamps. They're certainly not as heavy as your standard weighted nipple clamps, but they do have a noticeable heft. So you need to be okay with having a little weight hanging from your nipples (or your balls, or your labia, or wherever). The weight also means that the clamps don't stay on quite as firmly as regular clamps; I had one slip off my nipple and onto my hardwood floor, where it rolled around like a wind-up toy making a loud, insistent buzz, and would undoubtedly have startled my downstairs neighbors if I had any. (If you want less weight, Extreme Restraints does sell a more compact set of wireless vibrating clamps; I'm guessing they're not as powerful, but I haven't tried them, so I could be wrong.)

And a quick side note: If you're not even a little bit into pain and were hoping to use these clamps for simple hands-free nipple vibrations, you're going to have to try a different toy. There's certainly no law that says you have to use them at their tightest, most torturous level, but if they're going to stay on firmly, they're going to hurt at least a little bit.

The more important downside to these vibrating clamps is that they're pretty goddamn loud. And not just when you drop them on a hardwood floor. When both clamps are vibrating, they're easily as loud as a Hitachi Magic Wand, and in a higher-pitched register that penetrates even more. And because the vibes dangle freely instead of being firmly clamped against you or inside you, the sound isn't damped down at all. I didn't find the noise distracting, exactly, but if you have some twisted fetish for sexual privacy and don't want your neighbors or roommates listening in on your playtime, this may not be the toy for you.

But if you don't have neighbors or roommates (or don't care what they think about your sex life), then feel free to ignore my warnings. If you're a nipple/pussy/cock clamp fan looking for a new thrill, or you're just intrigued by the idea of a toy that hurts you and turns you on at the same time, you should definitely check these out.