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My Magazine > Editors Archive > Sexpert > Slobbing the Knob
Slobbing the Knob   by Dion Moore

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To slob or not to slob that is the question. Well it was never a question for me before but now I wonder. The other day I picked up a cheap porno in the parking lot of my friendly neighborhood barbeque joint. At home I popped it into the DVD player and immediately fast forwarded to one of my favorite parts---the head scene. I watched enthralled as a chick with one of the biggest mouths I’ve ever seen swallowed some guy whole in one fell swoop (all ten inches of him). In fact, I was just lubing up my new hot pink vibrator (or “Pinky” as I like to call him) and preparing for a multi-orgasmic test run when I was stopped cold in my tracks. I looked on in horror as the aforementioned chick started making this gurgling noise deep down in her throat. Then she hocked up a loogey and proceeded to slobber it all over the guy to his apparent delight.

I quickly snatched up the remote control and switched to the second scene in hopes of salvaging my libido. Okay. Here we go. Different couple, same furniture (hey, I told you it was a cheap movie). She was down on her knees. He was stroking her hair as she licked and sucked with gusto. Yeah, this one looked promising. I leaned back into my favorite position and got Pinky humming in first gear. All my systems were go and I was more than ready for lift off. On screen they had a rhythm going and I was rocking right along with them. The sweet familiar sensation between my legs let me know I wasn’t there yet but I was close. I amped Pinky up in anticipation of the best part. She was definitely about to deep throat him. Pinky was buzzing along at max speed. I was almost home. Oh…oh…oh…wait a minute. What’s that sound? Oh, no! The dreaded gurgle. The porn diva gagged like she was chucking up last week’s lunch and released a flash flood all over her well-endowed co-star. My sure-fire orgasm faded away faster than a speeding bullet.

I scrambled for the remote and clicked on over to scene three. Girl-on-girl action. Two exotic brown princesses, one with long hair, one faded, both with piercings everywhere. I can dig it. Behind them I saw some fully clothed people walking around in the background and I could have sworn I heard a doorbell ringing, but I stayed focused. I was determined to get the most out of my five-dollar flick. Pinky was back up and running full speed ahead and a few vibrating thrusts later I was right back where I left off well on my way to orgasmic bliss. After some wet kisses and mutual breast appreciation, the girl with the long hair slipped between the thighs of the other like she was preparing for the munch of the century. But not before first planting a few hefty globs of slob right on her sweet spot. Alright, now I was officially pissed. I spent the next ten minutes flipping through the rest of the low-budget production with no luck. They were all doing it. Slob. Every last one. And thus my hopes for a solo flight into orgasm heaven were officially lost. Defeated, I was forced to power down Pinky for the night and go to bed horny. Bummer.

As I drifted to sleep I was faced with a huge concern. I love giving head as much as anyone. I actually consider myself to be quite the connoisseur, but I’ve never done the slobbering thing or for that matter ever even had any requests to do it. And I know I’d be mortified if some dude noisily drowned me in drool while going down on me. I mean, I thought that type of spitting was reserved for childish stunts and bad colds. But, I wondered, is this what everybody else is doing? And, more importantly, is that what guys really like?

So I turned to my most trusted source of all information in the universe---my girlfriends. After an informal poll I learned that 60% (3 out of 5) always slobbered while the other two had never tried it.

“My man just loves it,” one friend assured me. “He gets so excited when I do it and it turns me on too”. Well, okay, the girlfriends had spoken. But it was still a definite turn off for me. So before I committed myself to becoming a member of the spitting elite I thought I’d better let some men weigh in on the subject. Once again I tallied up the results of my informal pole of a few male confidants only to find that 70% of them (7 out of 10) did not like it while the other three really could care less as long as they were getting some head. Finally I delved into the AFF advice line archives and found a recent posting on the subject. Out of the 18 responses 11 members (4 males, 5 females, and 2 couples) said it was definitely a turnoff. Many commented that they found the practice to be both disgusting and insulting. One guy thought it was okay minus the weird noises. That left 6 members (3 males, 2 females, and a couple) who really found slobbering to be a turn on.



With such a broad difference of opinions on the subject, there obviously is no right or wrong answer. After some contemplation I’ve come to the conclusion that this, like most other things sexual in nature, is pretty much a case of “to each his own”. So to all you folks out there who are of the wetter persuasion I say “Slobber On!” Just be sure your partner is into it ahead of time and maybe think about toning down those sound effects. But as for me, I think I’ll stick to my good ole garden variety vanilla techniques for now. Pinky agrees.

Dion Moore is an engineer by day and an aspiring writer by night in Atlanta, GA. For feedback, you can email her at her Adult FriendFinder handle: Dion_Moore.