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Online Dating Personals: Safety Tips

Online Dating Tips

Ways to increase your safety

Going Offline for a Meeting...Safety First

Extra Tips for Meeting a Long Distance Interest

AdultFriendFinder is committed to your safety. Please read these important tips and use caution when dating or meeting new people. If you are ever contacted by a member who seems suspicious, who resembles a scammer or a spammer, or who makes you uneasy about your safety with their questions or behavior, please remember to contact our abuse team.

We want AdultFriendFinder to be a safe and trusted community and we will act quickly to investigate and remove members who abuse our terms of service or jeopardize member safety. Here are some important safety tips for you to remember:


Online Dating Tips

Select a handle that will attract the kind of person you are interested in meeting.

  • Using a handle that has a sexual connotation WILL get noticed - but not always by the type of person you would like to have a relationship with.
  • A gender-neutral handle will reduce the number of contacts you get.

Under any circumstances, never, ever give out personal information. This may be the most important thing for you to remember. Your personal information includes your real name, telephone number, personal email or home address. If they want to send something to you through the mail, get a post office box. They're not expensive!

Use precautions when using the telephone.

  • Activate your caller ID blocking feature to keep your number private.
  • Don't call collect! Your number will show up on their phone bill.
  • If you want the other person to be able to contact you, get a pager.
  • Use a pay phone. It may be a hassle, but well worth it!

Do not share the name of your small town, use the nearest big city instead. You haven't told the other person your name, phone number or any other personal information. But, you've told them all about living in Anytown, USA, with a population of only 1,102. Even this small bit of information could assist someone in discovering your identity and where you live and/or work. Stick with telling them that you live near a big city in the same area.

Post a current picture. This may not exactly be a safety issue - but more of an honesty issue. Be honest and post a current photo even if you've gained a few pounds! Even if you do not have a scanner, there are a variety of cheap and easy ways to get a photo scanned. Be wary of members who misrepresent their appearance.

Be aware that your real-world activities might be recorded. Some unscrupulous people have captured audio or video and used it to blackmail would-be dates. Be aware that your consensual activities might be recorded and take precautions. By using a site that you choose for the meeting, you can ensure that no recording is pre-arranged. You should report any member that is recording a date to the abuse team as a possible scammer. If they try to extort money, you should report them to the police as well.

Ask Questions. Feel free to scrutinize the emails and chat sessions you have with another person. If they seem too good to be true, they probably are. If they are vague about their life, try to non-intrusively get some details. Red flags are: people who are vague, talk in circles, or answer questions with questions. Be very cautious with these types of people. They may be playing hard to get, or they may not be on the level.

Are they hiding something? If the other person can only meet and chat with you in the middle of the night, they may have a secret. If you call them and they talk in a hushed voice or "have to go" all of a sudden, they may not be as single as they claim. If you call at a non-designated time and they get angry, feel free to assume that they are hiding something from you.

Instant love may not be what it seems. While you may feel an instant connection or powerful attraction to a person online, this does not qualify as "falling in love." But scammers and con artists have used the "I'm in love with you" angle offline for countless years. What's stopping them from going online to make their next score? Love takes time no matter what the fairy tales imply. Anyone who, after minimal online contact, expresses their "undying love" should indicate a red flag to you. Other hints may include, that shortly after professing love to you, they also mention being broke and getting laid off from work, or how their accountant took off with all their money. While the other person may just be a lonely soul who's truly attracted to you, you can never be sure. Slow things down and don't let "love" rob you blind.

Ways to increase your safety

  • Get Confirm ID, and ask them to get it too. Confirm ID is a free service that offers to increase your trust in dating. When you see the Confirm ID checkmark on a profile, it means we've checked the ID of the member and verified that they are a real person who matches their registration information.
  • Get their background checked, especially when planning to take the next step and meet the other person face to face. You can find several services online, many for a reasonable price. Even if you don't notice any red flags or get a gut instinct to back off, it is a matter of respecting yourself and your safety.
  • Don't put off meeting in person. While online relationships can be full of romance and intrigue, your ultimate goal is to meet someone, date them and possibly more. Why put it off? Why invest in a relationship online if it is going nowhere offline? Make sure the spark you get from your chat sessions and email also exists in the "real world". Red flags are anyone who puts it off or avoids answering your questions about meeting. And remember, if you do not have the money to invest in a long distance relationship, don't start one. Online dating requires that your brain and your heart work together to make the best and safest decisions for you.

Going Offline for a Meeting...Safety First

  • Once you've agreed to meet face to face, don't ask the other person to pick you up. Get yourself to and from the date, even if you have to ask a friend to drive you or take a taxi.
  • Before you go, make sure that several friends and family members know where you're going, who you're going with and when to expect you back. Make sure everyone writes down the information so that there are no misunderstandings.
  • Always meet in a public place. A public place does not mean a parking lot - they are not monitored closely enough to be considered safe. Make your first meeting a lunch or coffee date. If the sparks don't fly, it's much easier to say that you have a meeting or some other commitment that requires you to end the date prematurely.
  • Stay in a public place. If they pressure you to go elsewhere, say "NO." If they pressure you, they obviously do not care about your feelings - so it is best to end the meeting and leave. If they start to follow you to where you are parked, stop and hail a cab. Come back later for your car with a friend or family member.
  • If possible, bring a cellular phone. If you need help or feel a little nervous, excuse yourself to the bathroom and call for back-up! Put together an instant, "accidental" meeting with a friend. They're also good for emergencies or in case you think your online love is an offline stalker who's following you home. Use the cellular phone to call the police - DO NOT HEAD BACK HOME. Keep the person far from there and if you feel it's necessary, drive to a police station.
  • Never leave your personal belongings unattended. A purse or wallet contains all of your personal information. Keep your keys with you. Do not take unnecessary risks.
  • Do not leave your beverage unattended. If you do, nonchalantly ask for another drink.
  • Stick with non-alcoholic drinks. Being drunk is not a good way to be safe.
  • If all goes well, set up another date before the first one comes to an end. Be sure that this second date (and any others thereafter) incorporates all of these safety tips.

Extra Tips for Meeting a Long Distance Interest

Be sure to use all of the tips mentioned above, plus the following tips, if you plan to travel to meet your online interest:

  • DO NOT plan to stay at the other person's home for your visit. If you cannot afford a hotel, do not go.
  • If you've made hotel reservations, do not tell the other person where you're staying. There is no need for them to contact you there. You can contact them.
  • Let them meet you at the airport, but do not get in a car with them. They can help you with your baggage and help you hail a cab. Use cabs as your mode of transportation throughout your trip.
  • Be sure to keep in touch with friends and family. Have a schedule in place as to when you should call. And make sure they know where you are staying and how to reach you. Again, this is a good time to carry and use a cellular phone.
  • Just in case...keep your valuables in an in-room safe or with the front desk - they often have safety deposit boxes available for free or a minimal charge.
  • When you leave, you can meet them at the airport to say goodbye. Do not let them drive you to the airport.
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