tell me what you think  

your_gypsy 52F
128 posts
10/21/2005 9:24 am

Last Read:
3/6/2006 9:29 pm

tell me what you think

today i would like to know what the reader's opinion is about a question i have in my mind.

i'm a novice to relationships again. i was married for 12 years, spent one year alone without dating, and the past couple of years dating but no serious relationship. i'm an attractive person esthetically and personally, responsible, fairly easy going and friendly. i also have been aware lately that i have a wall up that i hope is not screaminingly apparent, but recently that wall came down for a guy who got under my skin and said all the things i (didn't realize) had really missed hearing all the time i was alone.

we have been talking all the time on the phone and got very, very personal right away. which i felt comfortable with and scared about at the same time. yesterday my new guy had a bad day at work, and didn't want to talk at night. today i spoke with him and asked him what he was doing tonight. he has plans this weekend so i thought i could steal away for a couple of hours with him, because when you are really into someone, you want to be with them, right?

he tells me, i don't know... i might be doing something later. i'll give you a call when i get off work.

i'll just tell you right now my defenses are kicking in and immediately i fucking want to put a gun to my head for being a big ass fool. are you into me or are you having second thoughts? it was just the other day that you swore to me that you knew what you were doing and were going full steam ahead. just yesterday you told me i was not too much for you.

i deleted his phone number to keep me from calling him. no i don't know his number by heart -- does anyone know telephone numbers by heart these days? and the messenger. i took his name off there, too.

now before the reader rides my ass because i jumped to conclusions here, and i jumped into this relationship with abandon, hopefully he/she will remember doing that themself at one time or another and what they wish they would have done in hindsight instead of kneejerk react like i so obviously did, twice this week.

i'm a mess. i can't even think straight. i'm not sad... i just feel soiled, stupid, regretful once again. this is a place i know well but i HATE being in.

so my question is obvious... if you were really into me, wouldn't you say, "i'd love to see you tonight," or would you say, "i might have something to do."

what the hell am i going to do with you men?

blueyes1948x 69M
20 posts
10/21/2005 11:04 am

I know somewhat how you feel. I've had some disappointments lately that have pretty much discouraged me from activity here. I know the elation of something starting and then nothing......

I think the only thing you can do is get up, dust yourself off, and keep trying. Like they say in sales courses, every no you experience is just getting you closer to the yes.

If you're into BDSM, you're gonna have problems with scaring off the vanillas because they just aren't able to conceive how women can enjoy certain things. I'm a newbie like you, and I've gone through a pretty long period of trying to understand a subbie's needs and the reasons behind them. I wanted to do that because it's important to me to be able to understand what's required of me in a Dom role. Now that I'm comfortable with that, it's just a case of finding the right sub to begin the exploration with.

If you're intersete, I'll send some subbie blog addresses over on ALT that you may find helpful. Keep your chin up.

And, yes, if I was into you, it'd take Hell and high water to keep me away.

Choozmi 51M

10/21/2005 2:21 pm

I don't blame you for deleting his numbers and info. You understand that contacting him at this point won't help matters. I don't suggest that you do anything regarding him at this point. You simply don't have enough information to make a good decision (do you?)

I wouldn't stay home alone all weekend, however. Are there friends you could hang out with? Is there another guy you've been talking to or flirting with? There's no harm in meeting someone for coffee or something. I'm not suggesting that you do some pre-emptive cheating, but you can always remind yourself that you have options.

Clear your head, do something to lift your spirit. When you hear from this guy again, he may give you a reasonable explanation for his inconsiderate behavior... or he may not. Either way, it would be better for you to be in a good mood so you can respond rationally (and not miss an opportunity to take the relationship further if it's worth it).

Oh, and please don't blame men for this. I'm sure you meant your final comment in jest or at least frustration, but I've been treated this way by women many times. Inconsiderate behavior is not limited to a particular sex, believe me.

jim5131 56M
1296 posts
10/21/2005 2:28 pm

heyyou.... looks painful....

Do you think he might've gotten scared off a little by his own feelings? If he's been burned before and suddenly feels a strong, sudden love for you...his brain might be telling his heart to take it slowly...don't automatically write him off..he may have his own defense mechanisms. I don't know enough about his past life to be able to say. This might be nothing and don't look at yourself as an idiot. I know you're better than that.

So it might be legit. If he's screwing with you, though...oh boy...just call me.

Be careful but open..he might be as defensive as you are. If he thinks that he screwed up, even if it was legit, he might think that he's dishonored himself to you and is ashamed to face you.

If I were him, I think I would've handled it a bit different:

"I would LOVE to see you but I've got a few things I need to tend to this weekend. What about Sunday evening? Can I take you to dinner?"


"I've got this _____________________ to go to tonight. Tomorrow I've got ____________to do, but I really want to see you this weekend. Can I see you after I get finished with the ___________?"

...but that's me. I've got Son2 tonight, we're going to the high school football game and probably eat me after the game..okay? We'll talk..

rm_mustang65695 59M
54 posts
10/21/2005 7:07 pm

What were his plans and did they include another women. Sounds strange that if he is that into you and and the two of you are just really getting to know each other, you would think he would do anything to spend time with you. Don't call him, wait and see if he calls you at that time you might be able to tell what's really going on. good luck

rm_TwiztedCharm 57M
456 posts
10/22/2005 8:57 am

Keep an open mind and get the facts. Sometimes walls are good.

your_gypsy 52F

10/22/2005 11:51 am

great responses... thanks to all. absolutely - i am not blaming men for men but just... the ones i pick cannot see my worth and that is frustrating.

all i want is a man who really knows what he is doing and doesn't get involved with me unless he can really deliver. it would seem i have a long list of expectations, but in fact, i really don't! i just want them to have a little/lot more stick-to-it-ive-ness. stick it out, even when they get uncomfortable, grow a little.

jim i think you are right, he could very well be afraid. i have an update planned for my next blog entry.

i sincerely, greatly appreciate the insightful responses.

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