learning to trust  

your_gypsy 52F
128 posts
10/22/2005 12:15 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

learning to trust

here is a follow-up to my last blog entry about my new relationship. he had started off very intensely with me and then ended the week with a sputter and wheeze. i had already let my guard down and am really feeling him. he then told me that he might have plans for last night, when i said i wanted to see him.

ok... well, i talked with him later in the day and said i am just going to be completely honest with you and tell you that i made an exception with you, that i normally don't fall for someone this quickly or easily, but i truly believed we were of the very same mind when we met and have bonded very quickly, and i wanted to know something. i wanted him to remind me of what he had told me previously about "there is no going backward, only forward."

i told him i had been around the block a few times in my life already and i completely understood the high of finding someone who understands you completely and fits in with your ideal... but then looking around yourself and seeing your comfort in being unattached and then forward again, at the possible changes you might have to make in your life to accomodate another person, and maybe finding yourself not sure about wanting that. i told him i would be open to knowing whatever he felt about that and i would accept it, but please tell me now before i go further.

and i was surprised when he told me the same thing as before, that it was true, his feelings for me had not changed, but that the truth was he had been having problems at work, and he had been neglecting his job a little in all our communication on the phone and on the messenger, and he had gotten into some trouble and really had to focus on his work toward the end of the week. he really didn't mean to withdraw.

i knew his plans this weekend were to see his kids and help his ex-wife (she was out in port arthur where she fleed from hurricane rita, and needed help). i had no problem with that. in fact i encourage that. but he now said he had been planning on going up there friday night, and that those were his tentative plans, not someone else. we talked for a long time, which was risky for him because he was in a room with others at work, but he realized i needed to talk about this and it couldn't wait. how many times have i been told in the past "i can't talk now," and wait a day or two, when i personally would take a 'bathroom break' and make a call there because i thought it was important enough...? but he didn't do that. he took the time.

and see, all these things are helping to trust again. practice makes perfect. him sticking with me, not just ignoring my phonecalls because they are hard things to do when you've got a lot of other stuff on your mind. it's so easy to just pretend that doesn't exist or just ignore phonecalls and hope it/she takes the hint and goes away. it's hard to tell someone i just don't know right now... and i'm sorry that i'm in this place but it's real and i don't want to make mistakes with your life or mine. that is what i really need, though, pure honesty. that's what helps us all grow.

and that's *not* what he said to me. he *did* say that he wants me and him to grow. we do have to be mature adults though and tend to our work and other aspects of our lives outside of our romance. one day they will be more melded and blended together. and he asked me to please be patient with him in that regard. when he called me again later in the evening, he was already at his ex's, had put his kids to bed. he spelled out exactly what he was going to be doing during the weekend, and that he was going to spank my butt when he got back on sunday for worrying him about all this. which put a smile on my face, because it was reassuring.

one thing i really need to say/write is... i have got to stop anticipating the breakup in my relationships. i've got to try to relax and be open to possibilities. at the same time, i know that i don't want to have frivolous relationships, one night stands or just relationships of sex and nothing else. even my last "fuckbuddy" turned into a dear friend. i had to have it so...

one day at a time. oh but it is so hard...


blueyes1948x 69M
20 posts
10/22/2005 6:26 pm

There you go. One day at a time. Relax and have faith. Don't spend so much time looking for the negative. If you get too wound up, take a walk. Go to the gym. Go swimming. You'll feel better.


jim5131 56M
1296 posts
10/23/2005 3:59 pm

attagirl....

quit thinking that all relationships are temporary....they might take a little work, but they are what you put into them IF you have the right partner.

I'm so happy for you....stay in touch and let me know how things go...


AlbertPrince 59M

10/24/2005 1:19 am

One day at a time is more than enough, why go any faster than that?


Choozmi 51M

10/24/2005 4:35 am

Anticipating the breakup... I do that, too. I met someone Saturday night at a party and she gave me her phone number and I haven't called her yet (I plan to Monday) and already I've come up with a dozen reasons why it'll never go anywhere.

It's a hard habit to drop, this doom-saying.


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