for now  

your_gypsy 52F
128 posts
12/3/2005 8:14 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

for now

just listing all the recent events around here in this entry...

i am officially off effexor. i have an occasional dizzy spell but otherwise seem to be pretty even keeled, except for the tears which spring forth whenever i think about the hole in my heart and how long it has been since i have been complete with a mutually devoted relationship. i have been tempted to take the medication but i have really worked hard to get off of it and now would just like to "act as if" without it.

my son's father is here and got a job the second day he was out. he's working on saving and finding a place for himself next and i'm looking forward to that, too. in a way it has been nice having here, simply because of how happy it makes our son. he has occasionally been very sharp and downright nasty toned to me but i have been able to remain even and when i stay quiet usually he thinks about what he said and apologizes.

my "low tech" job is working out okay. i work with two very unhealthy women in the same office; one is very sweet but has a myriad of health problems; the other is a "grunter," who has asthma and is a pack-a-day smoker. i'm very productive and am proud but still do not feel completely comfortable yet.

i met with my orthodontist friend last night and we had a very lovely time together, but he had to call the night short because his sister was coming over later, of all things. to which i thought, not actually verbalized to him out loud, "well, it would be nice to meet her..." instead of feeling like i was expected to leave before she got there. after i left i stopped on the way home for a drink at a bar, which the tender made fairly potently. later i called him (i.e., drunk and dialing) and left a voice mail because it was so late, saying that i was feeling kind of emotional and hurt that we couldn't hang out longer. and in fact, i pointed out, i had been planning to sleep with him at long last. (the reader may recall in my previous blogs that i never sleep over anyone's house unless i am really comfortable and we have a truly intimate relationship.) i did say i didn't want to pester him about it, though, just that these were my needs, how i was handling things, and that i would wait for him to call me ... the ball is now in his court, but if he doesn't call, it doesn't mean we are not friends, it just means i will have all the information i need and i can move on to try to fulfill my long developing desire for a mutually loving and respectful, rewarding relationship.

it's just so hard to find. especially now since i am no longer "vanilla." i have fully embraced the BDSM lifestyle and have a mentor in it and friends. i am not a weirdo and i'm not in any danger. people in the lifestyle adhere to strong self imposed rules, the first being the admission to or acceptance of said style of living and loving.

i still have my friends and even guys who still write to me and say they're different. i still cherish the friendships that expect nothing from me but to read my blog and communicate from time to time. i just have not been putting myself out there because i have not had any luck with finding that Master Right when i try so hard to find him.

my birthday is next thursday and i have no idea what i'm doing. i have been invited home/L.A. in two weeks so i may just wait to go to let my hair down, unless my friend miraculously gets a clue and suddenly wants to really show me some well intentioned feelings toward me and our relationship and maybe step it up. but at this point it's unlikely. and i can't just sit here and hope that it does. nor can i try to "pad" myself with dates with others to assure i have a date for my birthday. that's just desperate, and i'm not ... and it's not fair to the good guys, so i don't lead them on, but i can promise them friendship and honesty, in exchange for theirs. i consider this a gift itself. i am very fortunate.

i could use some more caressing and tlc right about now. but ... i'm not falling apart either, and that is as good as it gets.


plowboylashes 45M

12/3/2005 11:03 pm

I took effevor for about a year it had some positive affects, but I found after I quit taking it, I quit sweating like a pig.


rm_FreeLove999 48F
16127 posts
12/4/2005 12:34 am

why didn't u just say, regarding his sister: "can i meet her?"?? -- the worst he could have said is "another time"... i would like to meet my new man's mother, but he doesn't want me to yet ... different timing for different people does not mean rejection!



[blog freelove999]


rm_longliner002 51M
227 posts
12/4/2005 7:07 am

BDSM is great and gives a little spice in the bedroom,
But so does a lot of TLC.


Choozmi 51M

12/4/2005 10:49 am

Where in L.A.?


your_gypsy 52F

12/4/2005 11:11 am

plowboylashes, thanks for your input... i don't sweat like a pig, never have. i do, however, glow from time to time.

freelove, i should have... i am thinking about that this morning. on the other hand, when i said, "i wish we didn't have to end this right now," he could have certainly said, "well, stay and meet her!" but ... he doesn't think. there's a million things going on in his head and apparently i'm not real prominent there in the forefront.

longliner: nicely put.

choozmi: it's El Lay - proper. where i'm from. where my people are. i don't mean bellflower, i don't mean the valley, and i don't mean orange county. l.a./hollywood, maybe the beach, weather permitting.


Choozmi 51M

12/4/2005 7:48 pm

I'm there, too (Westside) if you'd like to have lunch.


jim5131 56M
1296 posts
12/5/2005 5:55 pm

heyyou...good to see the upsides in your life..don't focus on the downsides. The Ex's being there is a great thing for your Son and probably takes some worries from your shoulders. You've been doing a commendable job and I'm proud of you.

Birthday is on the 8th...what would you LIKE to do? Does OrthoMan know what you want?

keep in touch.....okay?


rm_VoodooGuru1 50M
2053 posts
12/5/2005 7:37 pm

Good thoughts for you.


truthordarefun 45M/44F
1 post
12/21/2005 10:13 am

I didnt read all your blogs but, i wish u nothing but good things for you and your son. stick it out if for nothing more to prove to the negative people that u will make it, and happily


AlbertPrince 59M

1/10/2006 4:03 am

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rm_towjoe2 61M
28 posts
1/14/2006 3:35 am

how are things going with the beagle type dog working out?


rm_towjoe2 61M
28 posts
1/15/2006 1:23 am

gypsy do you ever vist bryan/college station


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