10 posts
12/5/2005 9:09 pm

Last Read:
7/21/2006 12:48 am


Well for those of you in more northern climes or those who experience snow on a regular basis in the winter time, what we get in Central VA would not merit a second glance from you as you hop into your great big ole SUV 4x4 and head off into the proverbial sunset. But here in Richmond, 2 snowflakes fall and, for the most part, EVERYONE loses there goddamn minds. You would think folks would know to slow down, take it easy, get from point A to point B in one piece, relatively unscathed. OH Fuck NO.

Snow...its just frozen rain, you can do 80 on the interstate, no sweat.

I have 4 wheel drive, slow down for 6 inches in the road??? only if its attached to (insert your favorite male celeb here).

My god, even the Virginia Dept of Transportation (VDOT)is at a loss if more than 4 inches hits the ground. They just cant keep up. Oh major arteries get kinda clear..if thats what you want to call it..and secondary roads get a run down once...twice if its the ritzy section of town (huh Wellsley?)

(and trust me on the VDOT thing. My dad worked for them for years.)

So anyway, its snowing. Not so much this morning. But I know how the city gets. Businesses will close once the snow accummulates to a depth of 3 or more inches and I was at a 1/4 tank of gas, better fill up.

So there I stand, pumping gas into my little silver bug and hear a ttthhhhppphhhhh just a few feet away. Looking up, snow, in a sheet, was hanging off the eeves, slowly sliding down, looking very much like flattened whipped cream and falling, still in a sheet, to hit the ground with a ttthhhhppphhhhh. An occassional blob would hit the ground with a wet plop but for the most part, it just sheeted off. Little was I know that this was a harbinger of my ride home later than night...into the far reaches of BFE, rural Virginia, white tail and red foxes, soy bean fields and dairy cattle. You get the picture right?

So driving was fine during the day and I go to work that afternoon, after my fashion and lo and behold, at 5pm, an email arrives from HR saying "we're closing at 7pm, and everyone here goes home with full pay."

Excuse me? Everyone? Even the Midnight people? I thought we were mission critical...EVERYBODY goes home?


and so I leave work and go right to Wally World. Unlike the rest of Richmond, I didnt bother to rush into a grocery store yesterday when the weather man was acting as the voice of doom (snow) to buy my milk and bread to get me through until the thaw comes. You know, the one that is only 2 days away. But then again, my son called and said we actually did need milk (I cannot understand how he can just drink that stuff...nasty) We also needed a spot bot to clean up the stain on the brand new wall-to-wall carpet where his dog puked.

So off to Wally World, where at 2 in the morning the dregs of humanity shop...with their kids....along with the freaks and insomniacs (try to figure out which catagory I fall into.) So away I go get my goods and get on the road to travel 23 miles home, on backroads for the most part. It only took 1 hr 20 mins.

Now here is where the sheeting snow comes into play.

Its a stretch of road that is kinda hilly and going down into a bottom that eases into a curve at the very bottom before gently swooping upward. Trees are on either side of the road and in the summertime, create a arch of greenery that only allows a minimum of dappled sunlight through at high noon. And here it is after 9pm, dark as the inside of a dog, slick as a button and I'm moving at a blistering 20 miles per hour as I head down the hill in 3rd/low (automatic, not a manual..on a manual, we'll call it 2nd) when I see a truck beyond the bottom of the hill turning around in the road, which does require a bit of slowing, even at 20mph, on my part.

So, I gently pump my breaks as I begin my descent and then it happens. All the snow that was on top of my car, in particually, my sunroof, comes sliding over the windsheild in a sheet that blocks my view. An immediate swipe of the wipers and I have just enough time to stop before hitting the tree that had fallen across the road.

The truck ahead had run over the tree. Evidently the male driver, looking to be in his early 50's and bit a frightened (he may have been in his 40's but the sheer will power that kept him from pissing his pants as he went over this good 6 inch diameter tree may have caused him to look somewhat older.) was trying to warn oncoming traffic by flashing his lights...I didnt see them flash..he's forgiven.

Well the khaki wearing, yuppy puppy behind me that had climbed out of a 4x4 and couldnt lend a hand to moving the tree out of the road asked the guy "are you ok?" Well no shit Sherlock, he's standing and not bleeding right? My immediate question was "better yet, how's your truck, bud?"

Now for those of you who have never set foot in the country...I mean real country. Not "oh Buffy, lets stop here for a picnic, isnt this lovely and the mall is right up the block....Georgeous". You know, where folks not only let their dogs run off leash but they dont scoop poop...unless its in the horse field or cow pasture and then only to spread it on the soy bean field...you know...salt pork, pepsi, potted meat, huntin dogs, citation bass by god country.

Hey, at least my question got a response. "I looked and dont see nothing. She's still runnin, but then again she IS a Ford (said with an appropriate amount of reverence by a man who undoubtedly roots for the Sadler brothers of Emporia...racing....Nascar...do a google search)

So me and this poor fella with the potentially damamge pickem up moved the tree and down the road we went.

And though I was only about 10 miles from home, it still took me almost 30 minutes to get there...the road was getting pretty slick and my bug was getting right squirrelly if I went over 20...of course Mr. Yuppy Puppy was right on my ass, following me up and down until we got to Clay Bank, the development where the guest cottage starts at $500K and there he was..all home...I still had 8 miles to go.

Past the "Living Nativity" signs, down the hill, over the one lane bridge, up the hill past the field that is normally full of deer, around the curve where the multi linked silos are and to the 2nd fork in the road and home sweet home.

So here I sit, snow pattering on my tin room, the hundred year old oak creaking in the winter wind, calling to its twin in the back yard on the other side of the house, snug as a bug only sitting on the rug (because the furniture is too damn big and my feet dont touch the floor if I sit all the way back..thanks mom).

Only thing missing is a fire in the victorian fireplace. I really gotta get that thing fixed.

oldman1776 79M
3164 posts
12/5/2005 10:21 pm

I know the feeling but the people who live in eastern wa. and have snow every year drive the same as they do there when it first snows .

are first snow as 3in. and the next morning they had over 30 accidents. why they think they don't have to slow down Ill never know.

I was raised in the country and you took me back to the good days growing up talking about it.

You have a nice day.

RodTender 47M
140 posts
12/6/2005 12:25 am

The magnificently ethereal Rod Tender is looking out His window right now, and it does not appear to be snowing, sexy lady. Could you be mistaken?

rm_Prozacking 36M
1 post
12/23/2005 2:12 am

What do people make from bread and milk anyway?

But yes, growing up in the country teaches people the real meaning of life, I have had the long drive from BFE to BFuniverse as i was growing up.

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