Blog for the Day - Random Stuff  

womanoirish 55F
346 posts
2/11/2006 11:57 pm

Last Read:
3/12/2006 10:16 pm

Blog for the Day - Random Stuff

Smart Ass Answer #5 - A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.

Smart Ass Answer #4 - A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Smart Ass Answer #3 - The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

Smart Ass Answer #2 - A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. Before he knows it, there is a low bridge right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Smart Ass Answer #1 - A college professor reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The teacher smiled knowingly at the student and said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

If you're a lawyer reading the following and you're offended...get over it.

What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Attila the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer twice.

Aren't there already enough lawyers?
According to the American Bar Association, in 2004 there were 1,084,504 "licensed lawyers" in the United States. If you take that number (which is surely bigger now, a year later) and divide it into the current estimate of the total U.S. population (295,734,134), you get 1 lawyer for every 273 people. Is that enough? Apparently not.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

No, really. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

C'mon, get serious. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Okay, okay. Just one: The lawyer holds a light bulb and rest of the world revolves around him.

Yeah, that sounds like a lawyer.

How can you tell if a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

But if you were a lawyer and you told that joke, wouldn't you be caught in the Liar's Paradox?
Yes.

What is the Liar's Paradox?
I thought you knew that already.

No.
It's what happens when a person says, "I am lying." If the person is lying, then the statement is false, in which case the person is not lying, in which case the statement is true, in which case the statement is false, and so on.

That's confusing.
Yes.

What do lawyers do after they die?
They lie still. Get it? They lie. Still. Ha! Hahaha!

Now, a quote from William L. Prosser:

"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark cellar at midnight looking for a black cat that isn't there. He is distinguished from a theologian, in that the theologian finds the cat. He is also distinguished from a lawyer, who smuggles in a cat in his overcoat pocket, and emerges to produce it in triumph."

Okay, I'm done picking on lawyers.

Random Quotes:

"If you can't be a good example - then
you'll just have to be a horrible warning."
--Unknown-


"The first clergyman was the first sly rogue that encountered the first fool."
Voltaire


And now...The World’s Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time a woman proposed to a man, “Will you marry me?”

He said, “No”

And the woman lived happily ever after, dancing, going out to dinner with friends, gardening, weekend trips, staying out all night, singing, shopping, never having to clean up after a man, sleeping late, pedicures & manicures, Sunday champagne brunches with girlfriends, never having to cook for a man, buying the Mercedes AND the Harley, screwing the pool man, the UPS guy, making out with that hot divorced chick who lives next door, and generally doing whatever she felt like.

The End.


AlbertPrince 59M

2/12/2006 10:35 am

This is a good blog you have going here. My type of humour!


MOfunNOWWOW 56F

2/12/2006 11:15 am

Clicked on AlbertPrince and got the referal....don't you know I'll be back. Love IT!!! ps. Fairy tale is not a fairy tale....my life, yeah baby!


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
2/12/2006 11:16 am

Hey there, cute post. I used this same pic on a mardi gras post I did today LOL

Purry {=}

Purry


tonytiger20065 62M
3 posts
2/12/2006 11:40 am

Sensational, smokin' Sunday funnies D)TT


Cowboy_Deluxe 39M

2/12/2006 11:41 am

Hell why not have a 20 guage and just shoot them all? This was freakin' funny as hell!

Cowboy


silkysmoothlegs3 106F

2/12/2006 11:50 am

Good blogg babes
silky

ps Albert sent me


curious082385 32F
4925 posts
2/12/2006 11:52 pm

The fairy tale was great!
Thanks for the laugh and a good read.


Green_Tea_Boy 51M
1064 posts
2/13/2006 6:56 am

I should have come to your blog a long time ago....lmao

I'll be back

GTB
xxx


rm_Kissmystuff 62F
1435 posts
2/13/2006 9:47 am

Good way to start my Monday...

Thanks for the laughs.

kiss

Kiss


fantasia_shares 48M/45F
4164 posts
2/13/2006 1:42 pm

Yeah, all that about lawyers...but dayum! I LIKE lawyers! Seriously! They are hot!

You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman !

Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping!

And a MUST READ: [post 2294897]

Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog!
{=}


MrNuttz05 50M

2/13/2006 6:40 pm

Nice... Very nice... Maybe you can come over & tell me a story


kyplowboy22 63M

2/15/2006 9:58 am

Very funny stuff, kid. I'll be back. Later

kpb


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
2/15/2006 4:25 pm

I have nothing clever to say, other than how much I love this blog. But you'll probably find that clever enough, so it'll all work out, lol.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


sexymermaid6956 64F
26393 posts
2/15/2006 7:12 pm

this is a great post.roflmao i enjoyed ti so much,,thanks i will be back thanks kyp for sending me here..

[]

Seduce my mind and my body


bardicman 51M

2/16/2006 7:34 am

Oh yes, Thank to KYPlowboy for the link. This is wonderful..

ROFL..

I will have to spend even more time in your basement now.



I am not dead yet


oldman1776 79M
3164 posts
2/16/2006 4:30 pm

LMAO. This is a great Blog Thanks kpb. I will be back.


Fallic40 54M
1858 posts
2/23/2006 7:08 am

King Henry the Sixth, Part II

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers". - (Act IV, Scene I.

William Shakespeare


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