Pros & Cons  

woman06811 60F
10 posts
3/19/2006 11:20 am

Last Read:
11/22/2006 7:48 pm

Pros & Cons

I love men. I love the way they look. I love the way they feel. I love attention. I love their strength. But with all good things come disadvantages.

The biggest one? They are human. DAMN!!! Perfection? FAR FROM IT!!!!! Predictable? HELL YEAH!!! Problem? I fall for them every time.

I've met a couple of men that are close to perfection. Looks, finances, attention, intelligence........ and BORING!!!!! I’ve met men who were exciting but oh … Not that great looking, or had very short attentions spans or still lived with mom at 40something.

I even had the naivety to think that there was someone close to the middle:
• Attractive, to me…. Awesome smiles can make a man drop-dead gorgeous.
• Smart… people can be on a date and there can be times when there is silence. Being smart means recognizing those silences for moments to get to take in your date. You can take in the way she looks (nervous? Aren’t you?), or the way she smells (that luscious smell isn’t something you’ll be able to find in the cosmetics section of CVS) or the she sounds (just because she has a French accent doesn’t mean she gives great head)
• Living independently, without a roommate of the economic or matrimonial kind.
• Dancer……Fox trots are ok if you have a horse and a rifle, live in Virginia, and belong to a hunt club.
• Time ….. a calendar that is busy enough to keep his world, but open enough to include a woman in it regularly.
• Sense of humor……If you know both versions of the Panda Walks Into a Bar Joke, you are ace on the list.
• Ability to communicate ……. This doesn’t mean that you lie well. It means that you recognize what you can and can’t do, and are willing to state that.

As I look at what I just wrote I have to chuckle because it IS an idealistic list. Men don’t learn to dance unless they come from families where dancing is accepted. Smart is pure luck, sense of humor is individual, and communication is a fantasy.

Surely I didn’t come to AdultFriendFinder looking for an Einstein’s great-great grandson who is a mix between Denzel, Sean Connery, Vin Diesle and Sting. That doesn’t mean I can’t have standards.

My profile states I prefer single men. The operative word is “prefer”. I will date a married man who has an open relationship. I may date a married man who’s not in an open relationship if he doesn’t have a guilty conscience and knows what the word “priority” means. I once had coffee with a young man, much younger than I, who was married with 3 kids under 4. He worked long hours and always wanted to meet after work. That could be after 7 PM most nights. He kept promising that he could see me 2 ‒ 3 times a week. I asked why he wasn’t home with his family. He said, “I thought I wanted a big family, but it’s too loud and my wife never wants to fuck.” What’s wrong with THAT picture?

So the advantages to:

They are hungry. They approach a lover as the first meal they've had in a long time. (I mean that literally and figuratively) They are honest in a unique way. They can't lie in person so, when in a face to face inquiry, they omit.
In a tryst, you are the center of their attention. Some are more than willing to woo you, patient enough to wait for you to make the initial move.
Conversation is more intimate. They have a tendency to share how they feel with you. (Something they may not do with their wives.)
I've noticed a lot of married men who have TIGER profiles, then act like TEDDY BEARS in person. I figure that when they are filling it out they are at the last straw and need to vent their frustration. It reads as this hard-edged HE MAN. They maintain the pretense in initial email or chats, but when you finally meet, the facade is gone.


They don’t always have to leave after 2 hours.
They talk sweet.
They speak a wonderfully different vocabulary, for those of us women who crave mental stimulation. (NSA, MILF, CUNT, BITCH)
They tend to be kinky, (which for a wife who is tired of the missionary position and hasn’t learned to give blowjob regularly or well) can be the gates that open up passion in her eyes.
They can live alone, which means no need for a Motel Notel.
They can be younger which can remind a woman how desirable she is.
They can be older which can make a woman feel that she’s his center of attention.

Disadvantages are:

When they get tired of this meal, they move on to another dish, often under the guise of wanting to spend more time with the wife, or trying to figure it out with the wife. You see a different profile with the same picture, like you wouldn’t know it’s him.
Time is a major factor only because men and women see time very differently. Married men see meeting a woman whenever he has free time as a given. “Hey, the wife isn’t home tonight, you want to meet at “our place” for about an hour?” That’s fine if I were single without a date and desperate. Married women have to make time. It’s called a date book with schedules. A week’s notice is ideal. But even 48 hours might happen.
Beware of speaking too intimately with a married man. In communication courses people are taught to pattern their conversation to match with those of your partner if you want to build a solid relationship. That doesn’t work with your married lover. Talk with your girlfriends about how you feel. Tell your lover his tongue feels nice on your clit. That’s about as intimate as they want to take.
Beware of the Teddy Bear in the profile. They may turn out to be scary in person.

You aren’t the only one. You never will be the only one. (This also applies to married men) Time means nothing to them. You will get a call when they think of you.
They may offer you a weekend away to the Bahamas…..yeah, that’s easy to explain to the unsuspecting husband or for the one who knows …… “my lover wants to take me away for the weekend. Can you take Billy to soccer and don’t forget, Janey has a dance class on Friday and two on Saturday? The laundry needs to be done and you need to make a menu for the week.” But they don’t want strings…… THAT’s n entire blog entry with that thought.
Beware of the time they begin to call you Babe a lot. That means they are seeing someone else and they don’t want to confuse the names.
Their talk is cheap. Truth is relative on the internet. It’s not lying if there is no emotional investment on their part. It’s not lying if it’s what you wanted to hear.

With all this bitchin’ and moanin’ keep in mind, I see this from the perspective of my needs. It is amusing that many men choose to ignore what I write in my profile. As if my chemistry is going to work with theirs even if they can’t satisfy my needs.

I can’t speak for all women. And the statements made are based on the interactions I’ve had. There are many deceitful women. There are many nice men. I like to get to know some. Please comment on my Blog entries.

It just so happens, I have met a nice man, married, who manages time well and recognizes the need for honesty. I met him a while back (5 years ago). The chemistry was there but the planets weren’t aligned. We’ll see if it has legs to stand now. He has the potential to set the bar high enough to make the field of competition very, very small. AND he is willing to help me find other men who might be interested in taking part in my own world of decidedly non-conformist relationships.

spamalot22 59M

3/23/2006 1:11 pm

Woman, you have hit the nail on the head ! You are dead on right about men. I've been married for 15 years. I wish more women were like you and had an understanding about men. Men are not complicated at all. Our needs and desires are simple.

Please explain this to me: why do wives so often lose so much interest in sex, and seem to have very little interest in keeping their man happy. Just a little stroke here or there, a little attention, goes a very long way with a man.

I've told my wife time and again that if she would only give me a little attention in bed, then I would give her anything in the world in return. Yet she doesn't. I have needs, I get horny, yet she doesn't give me relief. Why don't women understand that they need to give ?

woman06811 replies on 3/23/2006 2:57 pm:
Communication, or lack thereof is a major factor in lack of sex.
The biggest mistake I see that couples make is that they speak in terms of "you need to do _____ and I will do ____" Like it's a business. Love and sex are neither.

But to answer your question about why your wife seems not to be interested:

First, it can be health. I don't know your wife's age or health, but menopause, undiagnosed depression, diagnosed clinical depression, illness and medication can affect your wife's desire to engage in sex.

Second, work, whether outside or inside the home is stressful to say the least. When women are stressed, they don't usually seek a physical release, and if they do, it's not sex.

Third, kids. It's not always easy to turn off being mommy and become sex goddess.

Fourth, after more than a year of marriage sex, for a woman sex still means love. It is not an itch that just needs to be scratched. Yes, that means work on your part. But she would continue working on the sex if she felt you were working on it. How do you and your wife have sex? Is it the same way? Have you trained her to think that sex is just fucking and sucking, each of you on your backs? Are the lights out when you do it? Do you just do it in the bedroom? Is it late, after you put the kids to bed? Women want sex too. But we get bored. If you just want a hand job, she thinks, you can do that yourself.

The last possibility, which isn't a pleasant one, is that there are issues in your marriage that need to be addressed.

I think if I surveyed married couples, you each would be surprised to find out what the other wants. Don't give up on her. Take her away for overnights on some weekends and don't expect sex. She needs to feel that you are still attracted to her. If you don't make demands on her sexually when you go away, I'm pretty sure that she will feel once again like having sex.

If you can narrow it down to what the problem is, you have a greater chance of figuring out how to handle it.

I hope this helps.

spamalot22 59M

4/6/2006 2:42 pm

Yes, thanks, this helps. Without going into the details, yes some of the things you mentioned do come into play and help explain things. I do not, of course, obsolve myself of any blame - part of the reason for the lack of interest on her part.

rm_dontttstop 55M
16 posts
4/16/2006 3:48 am

you have us pegged but can still laugh about it and deal with us, i like that

69morethenanumbe 63M
9 posts
6/30/2006 10:26 am

I enjoyed you preception of us men,your preception being the operative form of thought.From the very beginning of childhood little boys and little girls see the sexes differently.They see
the sexes through their parents,friends,and of course the every
loving media.Have you ever watched small children play house,the little girl will set the pace of how things are to be.First the little boy will not really want to play,but the little girl will exnore that.You'll be the husband,these are our children(dolls or stuffed animals,just as an example)she will aready have names.
Depending on her own family dynamics,she may give the little boy a choice on the names.Our various forms of media has shown the husband (and it dosen't matter what race) to be dumb,walked over,needed to a point,and lets not forget his opinion usually dosen't matter.So most of the time little boy listens and follows.Here is how the little boy excapes"I'm going to work now!" Time passes,girls seem to always be looking for someone older.High school freshmen girls(not all but most) want to go out with seniors,they get all excited over the prospect and the seniors believe it is some kind of medal if they get what they want. High school freshmen boys are in a form
dismissed,because the senior females believe it's a step down for them.
Girls do have a lot of power over so many things,if older girls were to treat younger boys differently from the very beginning who knows how relationships would change.Maybe husbands would feel comfortable to talk to their wives about their sexual feelings instead of being more comfortable with a female he has just met or
is seeing and the same goes for wives."He dosen't pay attention to me,he's not interested in me,he dosen't love me any more,or he dosen't listen to me". I enjoy writting sometimes too much (like here) so I'll stop.

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