Judging Behavior--Notice the Quotation Marks, Please!  

wistfuljester 65M
1259 posts
8/15/2006 11:58 pm

Last Read:
8/18/2006 5:50 pm

Judging Behavior--Notice the Quotation Marks, Please!

Just because I have "sinned" in some way or another in the past does not mean that I have abdicated my right--no, my duty--to recognize and "judge" other "sinful" behavior in myself and others. If I were to accept that it does, I would be giving myself and others a license to "sin" without restraint.

Continuing in the vernacular, while I recognize that the "judging" of people and their "souls" is strictly the province of "god-whatever-you-conceive-he/she/it-to-be", any society that is so foolish as to believe that no behavior should be "judged" is going to rapidly disintegrate into disharmony and confusion.

In my view, there are two extreme "camps" on this issue, neither of which is spiritually mature: on the one hand, you have the hateful, vindictive and self-righteous ones who paint the "sinner" with the "sin", and long to cast him or her into Hell with extreme emotional and physical violence; on the other hand, you have the hand-wringing, indecisive and confused ones who are afraid to have opinions about almost ANY behavior, and who spout poorly-understood catchphrases out of context such as "judge not lest ye be judged" and "walk a mile in my shoes" (ad infinitum, ad nausem).

It is incumbent upon all humans to search our "souls" and determine what our TRUE values are (of which morals are only a part), and then to do our best to live up to those values. That is the real meaning of honor. Sadly, many people don't have a clue what they truly value, so they lead conflicted lives full of tragicomic consequences. Often, those consequences also cause a great deal of mental and physical anguish for the people around them.

While I may not have the right to judge the "person", I will always have the right and obligation, to myself AND society, to judge "behavior". I understand the lamentable fact that many people cannot separate the two concepts, but to me a real effort must be made by all of us to do so.

When it comes to "cheating", my "judgment" is as follows: if a person gives his or her promise to be faithful to a partner, it implies that that person values his or her own word of honor, and hopes that the other person will also value it, and trust in it. If that person then "cheats", he or she has committed a dishonorable act. The potential consequences to both partners can be enormous, and even if the "cheating" is never found out, it casts dark ripples across the surfaces of many interconnected relationships.

Does that give me the right to preach at the "cheater", or be mean and hateful to him or her? No, because I should never lose sight of the valuable human being behind the "sin".

Should I tell the "cheater" that he or she is doing the right thing--or even worse, mumble platitudes about how right and wrong are completely relative, and hence unknowable? Also no, for the same reason.

Some may say that my point of view is also purely relativistic; to them, I would reply that there are some basic values that all sound and stable societies hold to be true. Among them are honesty, integrity, peacefulness and mutual respect.

QueenofBitches69 47F

8/16/2006 12:22 am

You are so right about when a person gives their word to be faithful, and they do not honor that, they have commited a dishonorable act.

Thats is what I felt when I found out after being married to my husband for 5 years, that he had been cheating on me.

But what hurt me the most, was the fact I bragged on him daily about the fact I have the best husband in the world. I worshipped this man, and he crushed it!

So where are we now? we are in a marriage that should be over, and will be over soon.

And sure I thought if I did it back to him, it would make me feel better. Nope didn't work!

I respect your opinion. I really do.

wistfuljester replies on 8/16/2006 1:10 am:
Thanks, Mel. I appreciate your saying so. It means a lot to me.

I'm sorry my first post on this subject was so outrageous. This expresses more how i REALLY feel about it all--as does the other one that I wrote back then.

And I know we're all human and make mistakes--God knows I sure have! Like I said: I'm not judging anyone--but I still reserve the right to examine behavior in myself and others.

I had read your posts about your husband, and I DO understand how you were feeling. Maybe someday, I'll tell you about me and my first wife...

From what I can see, you are a very fiery, passionate, strong and lovable lady. Not every guy can handle that combination. I admire you for your intelligence, courage and strong will. I find that very sexy--and your pics make me admire you even more.

If it's all right with you, I'm going to hope and believe that you're going to find the perfect relationship for yourself. Since I am moving to your part of the country in 6 months, you make me wish that I were 20 years younger!

freetime648 53F

8/16/2006 12:24 am

Hang on...I need my dictionary for this post!!!!

Not a crack on ya, just some things can be portrayed a little less cerebral.......but, I do know exactly what you are saying....

xx FREETIME648 xx

wistfuljester replies on 8/16/2006 1:11 am:
Sorry about that. Sometimes I write like this to keep my emotions in check. I appreciate your comment!

QueenofBitches69 47F

8/16/2006 1:26 am

Are you coming on to me?

And if you have not noticed mrrdking is 49, so age does not bother me! LOL With a few exceptions which I will not go into here on your blog, out of respect for you and your space.

But anyways, how is your heart? LOL

wistfuljester replies on 8/16/2006 1:51 am:
Am I coming on to you? Hmm..I would if I could...lol. I like strong, smart sexy women--so sue me (but don't be disappointed that I don't have anything...lmao!).

I also happen to have a HUGE weakness for redheads...*SIGH!*

Seriously, I'm happy for you if you and mrrdking are making each other happy. That's what it's all about.

How's my heart? Lonely, but not overly distressed about it, I guess.

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