I don't need your approval  

widowsaddiction 48F
166 posts
5/24/2006 12:51 pm

Last Read:
5/31/2006 8:16 pm

I don't need your approval

How ironic that he doesn't call, he doesn't write, we aren't together in any way, and yet I still feel as though I need his permission before I can feel something for anyone else.

It's starting to piss me off. I understand the guilt game, oh I do, but I don't play it well. I have a deep, intense need that I would love to have met by him, but that will never happen. Is it fair that he expects that my love for him is sufficient enough to reduce me to less than nothing forever?? No, it's not fair, and normally I would just deal with it and move on, but I don't know that I can deal with it anymore. I do love him more than I have anyone else, ever, but I don't think that love should sentence me to life without him OR ANYONE ELSE.

One thing I know for certain, he wouldn't do it for me.

I once heard that the opposite of love isn't hatred, it's indifference. If you hate someone, you still have some kind of emotion for them. Even though I'm upset, I don't hate him. Unfortunately, I do feel indifference stealing over me like a comforting blanket. I'm not sure I'm prepared to not feel anything for him yet, but I think I may not have a choice anymore. A person can only be ignored for so long before it finally sinks in that what you are feeling from him is nothing more or less than...well....indifference.

Willysjeepcj2a 61M
109 posts
5/24/2006 5:19 pm

I agree, indiffence is hard to cope with when you still feel for someone. I hope you find someone that will care for you, and you for them. Good luck, and have fair winds and following seas.


5/24/2006 7:17 pm

Hatred and acts of vengeance continue to bond you together.

Indifference does not. It's devoid of all that energy and thought that hatred and vengeance require. It loosens the bods rather than strengthen them.

That's how it's so different than things usually thought of as hate. Hate and vengeacne are still investments of energy. Indifference leaves those in the dust.



5/24/2006 7:19 pm

Freudian slip there.

Loosens the bonds not bods although maybe both are actually true.

I'm still waking up from caffeine deprivation so I've not yet checked my yoohoo acct.


p33c3y0 43M

5/24/2006 7:32 pm

fortunately it's a sentence only *you* can pass on *yourself* ...

rm_atta_girl 46F
219 posts
5/24/2006 7:53 pm

indifference hurts bigtime

widowsaddiction 48F

5/25/2006 10:41 pm

Mr. Will-I like the way you end your posts. Are you a sailor too?

KC_JJ-Very nicely stated, and something to chew on. As for the Freudian slip...your bod and bond are both very distracting to me

P33C3y0-That is very true. I'm thinking on this...

Atta-Yes it does. I'm sorry, it sounds as though you know by experience. Thank you for stopping by my blog!

SecretEarNoTears 48F  
767 posts
5/30/2006 2:57 pm

I read the first sentence in your post almost a week ago and sat back in my chair while taking in a deep breath...almost falling out of my chair. I got to wonder who's blog I was looking at.

I remember so well feeling this way and tried to remember when I stopped feeling the guilt for moving on. I think it was this past Christmas...a gift to myself of freedom.

I do not believe that the opposite of love is indifference...if you have truly loved someone that will always stay with you in varrying different degrees. It is something good. Something to cherrish. I know you may not feel that way right now but, I remember eventually feeling/thinking that I was left a better person by having the chance to know my 'mr. casanova' and having been able to free myself.

We are the ones that keep the strings tight and we are also the ones that have a choice to let the strings fall.

I can say that I do things now for myself ... not for him or because of him.

If you believe you are trapped and tied down then you are. It is also true that if you believe you are (and/or can be) free then you (will be) are free!

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