Here comes the sun  

widowsaddiction 48F
166 posts
5/16/2006 1:59 pm

Last Read:
5/22/2006 2:38 pm

Here comes the sun

I haven't been posting recently for a lot of different reasons. For example: I am so sick of being sick over B that I simply stopped writing about him. To write about him is to agonize and analyze, and I am so done with that.

Another reason: I have so much to say, so much to work out, so much to share that it is one hell of a convoluted mess in my head. To actually try and untangle the knots in my brain would mean some serious head work, and I haven't been ready. I mean, seriously folks, it's more difficult than you think to try and sort out the things that fuck you up while you're actively fucking yourself up.

But! I think now is the time. Time for thought, inflection and a touch or two of humor. Time to be me. Here's hoping it won't be a huge snooze fest. If so, feel free to exit stage left.

Willysjeepcj2a 61M
109 posts
5/16/2006 8:12 pm

Girl go out with a girl friend and have a good time. Go miniture golfing, run to the zoo, be a kid and go to Omsi, go fly a kite, and have fun. Do those silly things that are almost free. Powell Books and have a cup of joe. Watch a scary movie, a western with the Duke, you could even say hi to a old fart like me and make his day. If you were in a small town you could join the volunteer fire department ( I was on one, the people were wonderful, every one looked out for each other. It was one of the best times of my life), or some other volunteer org. Make a friend by being a friend to some old lady or gent (great and some not so great stories to hear). Your young, healthy and good looking. Put you chin up and head out to save the world. W


5/19/2006 5:24 pm

Ahh a new bunch of postings. I which we could add alarm bells to specific people on our watched lists as many of mine drift out of the front window due to non regualr posting habits and then I start missing their new postings.

We both seem to have obsessive tendencies. I've always loved to really sink myslef into something all or nothing style and it seem slike you do that sort of thing too. Maybe even moreso than me.

But it does have it's drawbacks. It seems to really be a part of your love life and it's been part of mine too.

But it's tough to know what to say about it. I've never had much control of it and I've been though a lot of "hard knocks" due to it too. And despite many lessons learned that way I continue to keep repeating certain things that it seem like I should have been able to avoid from having made that same mistake in the past.

It seems like you think you now sort of know what you want too but that it's a continuign struggle to stay on track with it. So I think your were pretty keen to have used the word addiction in your handle.

I too am stuck in a rut of my own creation. My habit lately has been extreme isolation. I both love it to death and abhor it. Now it's to the point where it's like quicksand. The more I might struggle to get away from it the deeper I fall in. So instead I try to accept it and think of ways to use it advantageously rather than run from it.

I can't run from it. It's me. So it's almost like "why fight it, why not just go with it? A recurring line of dialog in my life.

I also like when someone is obsessed with me and it does happen and not always with who I wish it would either. It can be a dangerous situation too. If they are obsessed for the wrong reasons and also if I try to just suck up their energy and sort of "use them" due to the fact that they are blinded to so much due to this obsession of theirs that's not a good thing at all. For me or them. And I have caught myself doing stuff like that wihout even realizing that I had begun doing it. That sort of scares me.

I can also be repulsed by obsession of others with me. When I know that it cannot be genuine or if I know their ideal of me is not me at all. Then it's misplaced.

But what a feeling when both partners are so happily obsessed and in sync with each other in that way. I've had short bursts of that and it's almost indescribabale. I long for something like that but over a long duration. A shared intoxication that goes far beyond any usual small scale infatuation or "head over heelsness".

But it sounds to me like you are still taking the brunt of the downside of a one way street version of that. And that can't be a good thing!

But I only have enough of a view on it to have that general notion and as I said I really do not know what to say to you that might help.

I will be running this through my head for some potential more input on the matter too and if I get anything new and relevant about it I will definitely let you know.

I'll also picture general feelings of upliftment and warmness going your way.


widowsaddiction 48F

5/20/2006 1:32 pm

Hi Willy! (Ok, seriously, that couldn't have made your day). Thank you for all the suggestions, I like them all! Come have a cup of coffee with me!

KC_JJ-You absolutely fascinate me. To be so....aware....I wish I was, but I'm not. Thank you as always for your insight. As for an alarm as to when my next random post is up, just check your blog. I always check yours first, then post on my own.


5/22/2006 5:04 am

I can't say that you don't also hold a certain fascination for me. You definitely do.

Also you are not so far off in distance that having a cup of coffee(+) would not at some point be out of the realm of realistic possibility. That summer season is nearly upon us now and we do share a common coastline. Albeit we also share a few couple of hundred miles between us but nothing we could not somehow split between us with an agreed upon city somewhere inbetween.

Just a general idea and feel free to give me that other moniker/handle of yours as I know you've clearly stated that this one is not for that purpose.

I don't quite get the "Willy" reference but I can be pretty stupid about hose types of things.

I know Jethro Tull has a song called Kissing Willy. And I do know what that one's about.


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