Things That Make a Man Well Proud  

warmandsexy52 65M
7186 posts
5/15/2006 3:59 pm

Last Read:
5/21/2006 6:30 am

Things That Make a Man Well Proud

There are times I just succumb to curiosity.

This time it’s been about my own fine and worthy gender. What sort of things make us really proud of being male? So I decide to find out and beer in hand I toured the pubs of South London and asked very worthy representatives what made men proud.

And this is what they came up with.


1. OPENING JARS

She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON'

Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE

Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE

Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!

5. GOING TO THE TIP

A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP

Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD

In the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR

Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good.
"Ooh, did it hurt?"
"Nah!"

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE

When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face.
"Big night?"
"Grr! What does it look like?"

10. NODDING AT COPPERS

A moment's eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11. USING POWER TOOLS

Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12. KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR

Clang-g-g-g-g-g!!!!


Stick that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE

And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT

Fat is a feminist issue, apparently.

Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15. CARVING THE ROAST

And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women.

Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16. WINKING

Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS

Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18. TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT

Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE

Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

20. PARALLEL PARKING

Bosh, straight in. First time.

Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT

Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah!

22. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU

Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH

"A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, luv?"

24. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO

A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo.

So there you have it. British males perhaps, but I reckon they hold up well for men anywhere, don't you think? My, I'm so proud of my sex's awesome and diverse talents. Such a wonderful contribution to humanity.

Now surely, for those who aren't members of the noble XY club, there's just a sneaking admiration. Go on ..... admit it!




papyrina 52F
21133 posts
5/18/2006 4:59 am

pmsl and people ask why i left england


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


warmandsexy52 replies on 5/21/2006 4:13 am:
You're not the first hellenic friend of mine to be totally nonplussed by the English, Papy.

Some of us are huggable!

Well, almost!

warm xx

ArtisticTwist75 42F
2505 posts
5/17/2006 12:40 pm

I can feel you winking now... Putty I tell you...

Artistic


warmandsexy52 replies on 5/21/2006 4:10 am:
You are so intuitive, Artistic. How did you know?

warm xx

wickedeasy 68F  
30897 posts
5/16/2006 11:29 am

gulp.............what does it mean if i do some of those things????/

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


warmandsexy52 replies on 5/21/2006 3:54 am:
You'd become a regular geezer, as they say over 'ere.

Women who act like men in SE London are referred to as "geezer birds". Usually not a compliment.

warm xx

SweetDarlinAngel 40F
2996 posts
5/16/2006 9:15 am

Golly Warm!
I think I have so much to live up to...
I'll begin practicing my manly walk and ways now, perhaps it's not too late to change.
~SDA

~Angel


warmandsexy52 replies on 5/21/2006 3:48 am:
Tee Hee! The very thought, Angel! You're doing it to make me giggle, aren't you?

warm xx

goodatpoetry2 68M
16569 posts
5/15/2006 11:21 pm

Great post! Glad you put it back.
And true!
Hey! It doesn't take much to make us MEN proud! LOL!


warmandsexy52 replies on 5/21/2006 3:44 am:
Thanks for the encouragement, poetry.

And nope - men have always had a knack of taking the easy way of achieving something!

warm

bluebellclara 67F

5/15/2006 9:59 pm

Reading this makes me melt. I've always had a thing for Brits. BBC


warmandsexy52 replies on 5/21/2006 3:39 am:
Despite our apparent imperfections! Such a sweetie - I promise not to change my passport!

warm xx

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