Pump Up The Steam on My Sex Machine  

warmandsexy52 65M
7186 posts
7/27/2006 2:08 am

Last Read:
1/13/2007 9:29 am

Pump Up The Steam on My Sex Machine

mood: confused - either historical or hysterical ..... and I'm not sure which!

My first encounter with sexually rich material was probably the result of going to a school that was proud of its prowess at rugby (as rough and tough as American football only we don’t wear padding!) and part of the whole rugby culture and tradition was a knowledge of rugby songs.

Rugby songs have wonderful lyrics, like:

Dinah, Dinah show us your leg,
A yard above your knee.


(sung softly and sweetly)

Who’s that knocking at my door
Who’s that knocking at my door
Who’s that knocking at my door
Sighed the sweet young maiden

(sung rough and tough)

Open the door you filthy old whore
Said Barnacle Bill the sailor

But the most graphic and pervy song of all was the engineer’s song:

I’ll miss out all the sweet choral accompaniments….

An engineer told me before he died,
And I have no reason to believe he lied.
He had a wife with a cunt so wide
That she could never be satisfied.
So he built a prick of steel
And it was driven by a bloody great wheel.
Two brass balls he filled with cream
And the whole bloody thing was driven by steam…

Of course it’s a tragic song….

In and out went the prick of steel,
Round and round went the bloody great wheel.
Till at last the lady cried
“Enough! Enough! I’m satisfied!”

(sung slowly and mournfully)

Now we come to the tragic bit
There was no way of stopping it…

And I just don’t have the heart to tell you the end. Rugby songs are not nice sweet songs ‒ they are songs of manhood, or emerging manhood in my case. Their attitude to sex was very much in the vein of foreplay being telling your girl to brace herself and any touch lighter than tackling one of the opposite team was considered to be wussy to say the least.

But then recently I discovered that the world’s first sex machine actually was steam driven. The first mass produced dildos were made in the Greek port of Miletus around 500 BC and were called olisbos. The term dildo comes from Renaissance Italy and probably originated from the Latin dilatare, to open wide, or perhaps from the Italian diletto, to delight.

And for many years women’s self stimulation was manual. If anyone tells you of a machine driven by a treadmill, a donkey walking round in circles or a windmill they’re testing your gullibility! Although in Leonardo’s lost papers ………

Then in 1869 an American physician, George Taylor, invented the first vibrator. It was a large, cumbersome, steam-powered apparatus. Taylor recommended it for treatment of an illness known at the time as "female hysteria." Hysteria, from the Greek for "suffering uterus," involved anxiety, irritability, sexual fantasies, "pelvic heaviness" and "excessive" vaginal lubrication -- in other words, sexual arousal.

However, since it was the Victorian era, women were not considered to be at all sexual and it was therefore deemed a disease. Physicians of that era treated hysteria by massaging sufferers' vulvas until they experienced dramatic relief through "paroxysm" (orgasm).

Boy oh boy, do we have material for a doctor-patient and period costume fantasy there!

“Doctor, doctor. I have had my third attack of hysteria today.”

“Do not worry Mrs Smith, you know the procedure.”

“Oooh yes, doctor. I am so grateful for your wonderful treatment. Where would a girl whose husband is up in the mountains with all those sheep be without you?”

“Hmmmmmmm! You really have got a bad case today! My oh my ‒ your excessive elixir of hysteria has dampened your bloomers.”

Of course hysteria was a recurrent condition and repeated treatment was often necessary. Taylor touted his steam-driven massage device as speeding treatment while reducing physician fatigue.

“I am sorry doctor. This is my seventh visit today. I know I have ….. what’s the medical term….?”

“Exhausted my life fluids.”

“Yes, doctor…” (breathing chestily à la Marilyn Monroe) “…... what is a lonely prairie wife to do?”

“No worries, Mrs Smith….”

“You can call me Dinah!”

“This is strictly doctor-patient. We must be formal about this.”

“Yes doctor. You are sooo professional!” (flutters eyelids hysterically)

“I am going to use Doctor Taylor’s massage device to allay you affliction.” (unveils fiendish steam driven contraption)


“But I think you’ll find Doctor Taylor’s patented penetrator just to your liking.”

“My oh my! My hysteria is intensifying…..”

In 1882 the first electromechanical vibrator was invented. The forerunner of today's vibrators, these vibrators were smaller and less cumbersome than Taylor's steam-powered device. The original electromechanical vibe was a battery-powered massager designed by British physician Joseph Mortimer Granville. It featured attachments similar to those in today's vibrator kits, which allowed the physician treating hysteria to vary the vibratory sensations the device produced. However, Granville, showing the true blue British public school tradition, was firmly opposed to using his device as a treatment for female hysteria and considered it useful only for massage of men's skeletal muscles to treat injuries caused by overexertion.

Hmmmmmmmmm! Are you so sure that that’s what all those ex British public schoolboys were doing? Skeletal muscles indeed! Bet you cramp between the gluteus maximus blocks was a common complaint.

By 1920 electricity had become widely available around the U.S. and plug-in home vibrators were one of the first electrified home appliances. Marketed to women as health and relaxation aids, vibrator advertising copy was filled with double-entendres, for example, "all the pleasure of youth ... will throb within you." They were advertised in many consumer magazines, including Needlecraft, Home Needlework Journal and Woman's Home Companion, and even sold in the Sears & Roebuck catalogue as an "aid every woman appreciates." Men were even encouraged to buy vibrators for their wives as Christmas gifts to keep them "young and pretty" and free from the scourge of hysteria.

You poor ladies out there with all that hysteria. I feel awful, being the sensitive fellow I am. So wanting to help you all. Sigh!

And then in 1930 vibrator advertisements disappeared from magazines and catalogues. As more pornographic films showed women using vibrators for sexual self-stimulation, it became impossible for manufacturers to defend the polite fiction that they were simply innocent "massagers." Self-appointed guardians of rectitude branded them immoral, and very quickly, vibrators virtually disappeared.

Only to reappear in the 60s and go from strength to strength. The Rabbit featured in “Sex in the City” in 1998 and this and other variants give plenty of choice of hysteria treatments.

So next time you get Mr Buzzy* out, just spare a thought for the wonderful steam machine, say a prayer for the poor engineer’s wife and indulge in wondrous fantasies of all those Victorian ladies and their very pervy doctors.

*compliments for the name "Mr Buzzy" go to [blog mzhunyhole]

frangipanigal 46F
10406 posts
7/31/2006 6:34 am

I'm still back at the Rugby songs bit!!I know some beauties (too many Ex-boyfriends that played Rugby).

Frangi x

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/31/2006 7:59 am:
Of course we whingeing poms think you ozzies learn rugby songs at primary school!

Please don't tell me it's not true!

warm xx

2943 posts
7/28/2006 3:25 pm

Haha...this is Hysterical...which has caused me to suffer great Hysteria too! Can you imagine the faces as women opened their Christmas gifts...sitting around the tree with the family...and out rolls a Dildo!..Lol! Thank goodness we are all new-age perverts!
Interesting piece my friend! Take care.


warmandsexy52 replies on 7/28/2006 5:07 pm:
Gosh sweetSinn. Another damsel with hysteria! My poor toy steam engine with the cucumber attached is gasping its last!

Take care dear SS {=}

warm xx

rm_sexxikritter 53F
2715 posts
7/28/2006 10:01 am

HI Warm,
I thought I would stop by and check out your blog after seeing your comment in Mz. Huny's blog.
Sex toys are a subject near and dear to my heart and other body regions.
Did you happen to see the episode of "Boston Legal" where Ed Begley, Jr. portrayed a collecter of Victorian era erotica? They had reproduced one of those steam driven machines. It was quite a hoot.
Anyhow, seems you have a nice blog here and I'll stop in again and have a longer look around.
Peace, Kritter

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/28/2006 12:21 pm:
Hi Kritter, thank you for visiting my blog and your kind words about it. It's always nice to meet someone I haven't met before in Blogland, and I do like your blog too.

I don't watch that much TV these days but it would have been fun to see. When I first came across the fact that the first vibrator was actually steam driven I could hardly believe it! And that of course got the perv neural networks in my brain going. Yes, it was blogworthy!

Let's stay in touch.

warm xx

southrnpeach333 51F

7/28/2006 8:14 am

i have severe hysteria it seems...now where is that card with the cute doc's phone number?

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/28/2006 8:42 am:
I have a white coat, I know where I can borrow a stethoscope and that toy steam engine I got as a kid is working a treat!

Now where's that dildo?

warm xx

moonfire2u 70F
2602 posts
7/27/2006 5:08 pm

warm: you are always full of...interesting facts and mischief...so there is a rough and tumble guy inside that poetic soul of yours...I think I prefer the sweet, romantic warm...thank you very much...

kind thoughts,

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/27/2006 6:44 pm:
dearest moonfire, I cannot escape from my XY chromosomes, not from the rough and tough army boarding school I went to in my teens (my parents were 8,000 miles away and I used to fly out to Malaysia every holiday). But that was all a long time ago and I am much mellowed and poetic, with the only rough and tumble if I make a lousy landing with my paraglider. Your preferences noted dear heart ........ allowing for a little naughtiness and mischief here and there. {=}

warm xx

rm_goddess1946 107F
13518 posts
7/27/2006 1:44 pm

The term dildo comes from Renaissance Italy and probably originated from the Latin dilatare, to open wide, or perhaps from the Italian diletto, to delight.

Smiling gently, the Goddess knew she has always wanted to
visit Italy for a reason!

Appreciating the joys of *self pleasuring* in all ways...
for all reasons...in all of times... I have you on my England
list re: {=}
[post 443842] ...thank you! {=}

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/27/2006 5:20 pm:
Cara mia! You will be arrested if you steal Bellini's golden dildo from the Uffizi Museum in Florence!

I think a tour of Europe is so exciting and I'm simply thrilled to be on your England list. {=}

warm xx

goodatpoetry2 68M
16569 posts
7/27/2006 12:22 pm

Very informative!
I knew SOME of that, but you've taught me more.
I STILL see some ads showing women useing vibrators on their faces.

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/27/2006 5:01 pm:
Obviously the F-spot, which is also why there are so many facials in porno movies!


SweetDarlinAngel 40F
2996 posts
7/27/2006 8:52 am

Oh, oh, oh dearest warm ... I feel a bit of hysteris coming on myself. Can you help an innocent Angel like me overcome such a plight? (sighs and places hand on forehead dramatically). *giggles*


warmandsexy52 replies on 7/27/2006 4:58 pm:
Putting on my white coat and stethoscope. Nothing else, mind you - just my white coat and stethoscope!

The question I have to ask you though is, "Is it me or Doctor Taylor's steam driven infernal contraption you're after?"

Raising the temperature and the biggest of hugs. {=}

warm xx

smoothnjuicy4u 51F

7/27/2006 8:39 am

now tell me, did you know this stuff right off the top of your head, or did you do some research?? very intersting stuff anyways, but why not share with us the end to that song I am sure we can take it.

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/27/2006 4:51 pm:
The rugby songs were so culturally engrained that some of them I remember still. I only hope that when I am truly ancient and senile and only my long term memory remains that I don't mutter the engineer's song! What an ignominious fate!

The steam powered vibrator I stumbled across when researching for a previous post, so that was research, and I was gobsmacked that there was such a thing as a steam powered vibrator and thought it blogworthy.

The scenes are purely the product of a pervy mind that has flown too close to the sun!

And as for the lyrics ...... well the tune is familiar in "another incarnation", but I can't remember the "clean" tune. The verses go..

An engineer told me before he died
Ar um, titty bum, titty bum, titty bum
An engineer told me before he died
Ar um, titty bum, titty bum, titty bum
An engineer told me before he died
Ar um, titty bum, titty bum, titty bum
And I have no reason to believe he lied
Ar um, titty bum, titty bum, titty bum

The missing stanza is horribly cruel and I didn't want to blog it, but since you asked .....

She was split from ass to tit
And the whole bloody lot was covered in shit.

Just nasty, but that's rugby songs for you. If we were on the bus the teacher in charge would invariably say, "Now come on boys!" in a weakly disapproving way, but allow the song to run its course, because that, it seemed, was how it always had been. It wasn't to do with discipline, because rules were more strictly enforced, often with caning. But hey, like Nips reminisced, it was a bygone age, and the past is always a little surreal.

warm xx

Sulabula 46F
12659 posts
7/27/2006 8:31 am

um...not sure what to say to this

Sula xxx

come visit my blog

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/27/2006 12:51 pm:
Sorry Sula, just a meandering, rambling, hysterically historical romp I guess!

warm xx

I have obviously flown too close to the sun, lol

wickedeasy 68F  
31113 posts
7/27/2006 6:44 am

it would appear that you have way too much time on your hands

You cannot conceive the many without the one.

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/27/2006 12:48 pm:
Hysterically so!

warm xx

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