Pain in the Ass  

warmandsexy52 65M
7186 posts
8/14/2006 11:57 am

Last Read:
3/26/2008 3:05 am

Pain in the Ass

‘Helloooooo!’ said the Pain,
‘I’ve come again.’
And all I could say
Was that it’s 3 a.m.
And I was so sleepy
Yes sleepy, sleep-sleep,
But this pain in my backside
Could sure make me weep.
‘I want to go sleepies,
Go sleepy, sleep-sleep,
I don’t want a pain
That will make me weep-weep.’
‘Well I’m here,’ said the Pain,
‘I’m here for the ride,
And I’ll grip your asshole
Deep in your inside.’
‘Oh do go away!
Oh leave me alone!’
‘Oh I do so enjoy it
When I hear you moan,
And groan,
Right down to the bone,
And create all around you
A moany-groan zone.’

Well I’m not to be beat,
So I got on my feet.
So the Pain in my ass
Thinks it can compete!
Hah! I’ll tell you something -
It’s in for a treat!
It thinks it can bully
But it’s in for defeat!
I will take Anal Jeezicks,
They’ll sort out my bot.
I’ve some fizzy tablets
In a large pot.
So I plopped in my Jeezicks
And they all went fizz.
They’re great, Anal Jeezicks
They’ll do the bizz.

So I gulped down the fizzy,
Went down to my tum,
And it then got busy
And calmed down my bum.
‘Oi!’ said the Pain.
‘I’m going all numb!’
‘Mwahaha!’ I replied.
‘You’re going to be dumb
And I’ll go back to sleep
With my very calm bum!’
‘But what about me?
You’re behaving all heinous!
I’ve got a right too,
To give pain to your anus!’
But I played it real tough
With that mischievous Pain
It wasn’t to trouble
My asshole again
And it died
Yes it died
With hardly a weep
So I crept into bed
And went back to sleep.

© warmandsexy52 2006

1. I am really, really sorry to all you lovely people who worship Dr Seuss. Consider this to be an anally-retentive tribute to the great man.

2, No, I don't have haemorrhoids! I figured you might be wondering!

tenorsaxxman 67M

8/15/2006 4:54 pm

Hmmm, having wife trouble are you? Most common cause of "pain in the ass" here in America. (ok, ladies, take your shot now . . . . . . ).


warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 6:43 pm:
As an old-fashioned cockney villain would say, "Okay officer - it's a fair cop. You got me fair 'n square. You banged me to rights."

I previously lived in the North West of England for a while, about 250 miles from London. I drove home from London on Maundy Thursday, the busiest day on the roads in England and hit traffic jam after traffic jam all the way. It took me over 7 hours to make the journey. The last 40 miles was across open roads, nice wide and fast. A mile away from home, fifty yards in from the speed restriction sign, on an empty road easily as wide as the runway at an international airport, fully lit and at 10.30 at night I was pulled up by the speed cops.

I explained my plight.

The cop wouldn't listen. All he said was, "Anything you say will be taken down and may be used against you as evidence."

"Very well officer," I said, really pissed off at the unfairness of it all. "I've always wanted to say this - it's a fair cop. You got me fair 'n square. You banged me to rights."

They hate that, because if such things go to court they have to read it out loud.

As it was, they'd seen me coming, were within their rights to nail me (but it was sooo mean-spirited and petty-minded) so I coughed up the fine and was done with.

But part of me still wishes he had his day in court.


TabithaElectra 39F

8/15/2006 1:53 pm

2, No, I don't have haemorrhoids! I figured you might be wondering!

I was, and I was going to stop by with some Germoloids soothing wipes for you!

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 6:22 pm:
Come round and soothe me anyway sweetie .......

I'm so in need of therapy!


warm xx

florallei 100F

8/15/2006 12:39 pm

I am so glad you don't have pain in your arse, I hear it can be a real bummer, hehehe...This was very funny...

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 1:41 pm:
Yeah, you can bet your bottom dollar on it!

warm xx

goodatpoetry2 68M
16569 posts
8/14/2006 10:48 pm

I love Dr Suess poems.
I've often thought of writing a few like that, myself.
You did GREAT!
That was really enjoyable.

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 9:33 am:
Thanks. I have a sneaking suspicion you'd do a really great Seuss poem. Go on ...... double dare ya!


moonfire2u 70F
2602 posts
8/14/2006 4:37 pm

warm I are so silly...

kind thoughts,

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 9:29 am:
Puts on a "Have I been a naughty boy?" look and hopes he's forgiven .......

warm xx

moonfire2u 70F
2602 posts
8/14/2006 4:34 pm

this was just wrong...warm I are so silly...

kind thoughts,

wickedeasy 68F  
30897 posts
8/14/2006 1:56 pm


You cannot conceive the many without the one.

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 9:19 am:
To think I'm resorting to cheap botty humour to get a laugh! Oh the shame of it!!!!

warm xx

2943 posts
8/14/2006 1:52 pm

Lol...I have to read Dr.Suess every other night here!
But never a version like this one!
Errr...ummm hope that pain in the arse gets better!
I have a few of them myself!


warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 8:08 am:
It was a combination of finding the pic and a genuine pain in the ass that somehow and perversely inspired on this occasion! I am a huge Dr Seuss fan. I mean who else could describe a situation where the hero of our story is swept away by a flood:

I floated for two days without toothpaste or soap.
I practically almost had given up hope......

I just love his creativity, so the poem genuinely is a tribute. I'm sure he had that kind of mind that would have personified a P in the A, so it was written with a genuine affection for his work, and the genuine delight of his sheer humanity.


warm xx

CB_2 52F

8/14/2006 12:52 pm

My kids love Dr Seuss - I might have to read this poem to them, and then sit back and wait for all the questions about why you've got a pain in your arse, Warm!!

Blogito ergo sum.

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 3:48 am:
I'm pleading the fifth!

warm xx

rm_mATerial432 33M
2 posts
8/14/2006 12:39 pm

very nice saying and looks great love it

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 3:46 am:
Thanks mate!


Sulabula 46F
12659 posts
8/14/2006 12:35 pm funny

Sula xxx

come visit my blog

warmandsexy52 replies on 8/16/2006 2:59 am:
If you can smile at a pain in the arse life is worth living!

warm xx

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