All Around The House
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Posted:Sep 10, 2007 7:44 am
Last Updated:Jul 14, 2008 11:08 pm
3466 Views
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Naomi arrived at my house just a little bit early but took a minute or two to get out of her car. I opened the door and welcomed her in, closing the door behind her. She was wearing an almost indecently short black miniskirt with a matching black top that showed quite a lot of cleavage and a good amount of midriff ‒ on the whole, it was a very sexy outfit but not quite slutty, or at least it wouldn’t have been if not for the shiny black four-inch stiletto heels that finished the outfit off. Even the walk to my door couldn’t have been all that easy for her, and I quickly realized that her delay in getting out of her car was when she was changing her shoes. I certainly appreciated the effort!
I took her in my arms and kissed her softly, our mouths just brushing together and my tongue tracing lightly over her lips. I ran my fingers gently through her hair and her hands roamed up and down my back. Her breathing quickened as she felt me growing hard against her. I traced my fingers up and down the backs of her legs, a little higher each time, and she buried her face against me and gripped and bit into my shirt.
I turned us around so that her back was against the door, and I lifted her left leg up so that her foot was resting on the doorknob. I dropped my jeans and boxers to the floor, pushed her thong to one side, and quickly thrust myself into her. I pressed her against the door and held her to help her keep her balance on only one foot, and I arched my back and drove hard and fast into her over and over again.
I ran my hands up under Naomi’s top and then lifted it over her head and dropped it to the floor. I lowered my head to her chest to suck on first one breast and then the other, using one hand to squeeze the breast I wasn’t sucking. Her nipples quickly grew hard, and I nibbled at them and flicked my tongue back and forth over them.
I heard a noise in the background, recognized it, and slipped out of her, helping her to regain her footing. I took her hand and led her to my laundry room, where I had started a load of wash in the washing machine shortly before she arrived. The noise I had heard was the machine switching to the spin cycle. Upon realizing that, Naomi quickly jumped up to sit on the machine, with her little skirt bunched up around her waist. I removed her thong and took off my shirt, and Naomi spread her legs and wrapped them around my waist, pulling me to her and, more to the point, pulling my cock back into her pussy. I thrust firmly into her and rubbed her clit with my fingertips as the vibrations from the machine combined with our movements to drive her over the top into a shattering orgasm, then another and another.
When the machine shut down I helped Naomi to the floor. She leaned against me and I held her close for a few minutes, kissing her forehead softly and caressing her back. As she recovered, she looked up into my eyes and I said, “Shall we?” Naomi nodded eagerly, putting a hand on my shoulder for stability as she lowered her skirt and stepped out of it. I led her, now just in her heels, to the kitchen, where she gave me a devious smile and dropped to her hands and knees on the floor. I knelt down behind her and slid my cock into her from behind. I took a few slow thrusts to get used to the position, and then began pounding her hard and fast while gripping her waist with my hands. Then I gathered her hair in one hand and pulled it back, using my other hand to spank her as I drove in and out of her. Naomi quickly came to a powerful orgasm, and I opted not to resist my own, pushing as far as I could into her and shooting jet after jet of hot cum deep into her pussy.
As we came down from our mutual orgasm, I collapsed over her, holding her, our bodies pressed tightly together as our breathing slowly returned to normal, in rhythm with each other. We stayed like that for several minutes, enjoying the closeness, and then I helped her to her feet and led her to the dining room table. Naomi lay flat on her back on the table, her head hanging back over the other side, and wrapped her legs around my waist. I slid slowly into her and fucked her gently, letting my fingertips do much of the pleasing. I ran my fingers from her neck down her chest, between her breasts (without touching either of them yet), across her stomach, and down around her clit before going back up. I repeated that same general motion with small variations several times before turning my attention to her breasts. Her nipples were like hard erasers pointing straight up, and I rubbed the palms of my hands over them ever so lightly. No other parts of my hands touched her at those moments, and there was only the gentlest contact between my palms and her nipples. Her breathing quickened as she gripped the edge of the table with her hands and I continued moving slowly in and out of her, varying my pace to help her continue her pleasure until she finally reached a prolonged orgasm.
When Naomi was able to sit up, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me deeply. Her legs were still wrapped around me, and I pulled her as close as I could. Our tongues danced together in each other’s mouths, and it was several minutes before we were willing to break our kiss. When we did, I slid my hands under her ass and carried her like that, her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck, to the room that’s technically a bedroom but which I use as a computer room/office. I have a futon-type chair in there too, and Naomi jumped down, turned, and leaned over to put her hands on the back of the futon, wiggling her ass at me. I moved behind her and pushed my cock up into her. I reached under her to play with her breasts as I thrust into her, tugging on her nipples and kneading her breasts. She pushed back against me with each thrust, and our bodies slapped loudly together as we fucked hard and fast.
Naomi’s heels made her look even more erotic, but they were especially difficult for her in that position, so we moved to the living room sofa. I rearranged the cushions to make us comfortable and lay behind her in a spooning position, propping my head up with one arm so that I could look at her face. Her beautiful brown eyes are captivating, and I was soon lost in them as I held her close to me with my other arm. Naomi lifted one leg up over mine to allow my cock to slide into her, and we stayed like that, as close together as we could get, my cock all the way inside of her, just enjoying the intimacy of it and hardly moving at all.
We remained there for a long time, but finally we both began to squirm again and we needed to move. I took Naomi’s hand and led her to my spare bedroom. It’s just a guest room, and I almost never have overnight guests who use it ‒ there’s not even a bed, just a twin mattress on the floor, but the blankets are comfortable. I lay on my back on the mattress and Naomi crawled over me, teasing me, running her breasts over my face and down my body. She slid her pussy up and down my shaft, grinding her clit against my cock, before finally taking me into her and riding me. I reached up and squeezed and stroked her breasts as she bounced on my cock and I pushed my hips up in rhythm with her. She quickly brought herself to an orgasm as she rode me exactly the way she wanted, and then she fell down onto my chest and I held her close. She recovered almost as quickly as she came, and we stood up to go to my bedroom.
I bent down and lifted Naomi into my arms. I held her with one arm around her shoulder and the other under her legs, with her arms around my neck. I carried her into my bedroom and laid her on her back in my bed. I moved between her legs and lifted her feet up onto my shoulders, loving how sexy her legs looked like that, especially with her heels on. I pushed my cock into her pussy and fucked her, slowly at first and then faster, running my hands gently up and down her legs the whole time. Soon Naomi began working her hips in rhythm with me and I leaned forward to kiss her, bending her almost in half in the process. We were fucking wildly now, our bodies pounding into each other and my cock coming almost out of her on each thrust and then driving all the way back in, hard and fast. I straightened up again, still holding her legs on my shoulders as she came, fucking her just as hard all the way through her orgasm and into her next one. The sound of us slapping together got louder and louder, outdone only by Naomi’s screams of pleasure, until finally I could take no more and exploded inside her. I came even harder than I had before, which I wouldn’t have thought was possible, but I felt like I gave her every bit of cum I had this time.
I released her legs and wrapped my arms under her, holding her tight to me with my cock still inside her. We stayed like that for a long time, giving each other soft little kisses as we listened to each other’s racing heartbeats. I caressed her and she ran her hands lightly up and down my back. Eventually I slipped out of her, but we stayed there together, savoring the powerful moment.
After a long while we got up and I helped Naomi get her heels off. I led her to the bathroom, where I started a hot shower, stepped into it, and helped her into it with me. We took a washcloth and soap and washed each other, interrupted by many a kiss. Naomi took my cock in her hand and stroked me until I was hard again, and then she put one foot up on the edge of the bathtub and guided me into her pussy once again. I pushed slowly in and out and we kissed deeply under the shower, but we ended our little interlude fairly quickly, since we were both rather tired and didn’t quite trust our balance.
I dried Naomi off with a nice fluffy towel and she did the same for me. We returned to my bed and curled up together under a blanket and a comforter, so close and intimate with our warm skin against each other. We cuddled close with each other and kissed and touched before we finally dozed off, with Naomi resting her head on my chest.
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Hockey Terms That Sound Sexual But Really Aren't
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Posted:Aug 30, 2007 11:46 am
Last Updated:Aug 25, 2009 9:26 pm
3254 Views
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In alphabetical order. Feel free to add to the list!
Boarding
Clearing the zone
Cross-check
Dump and chase
Dumping it in
Empty-net goal
Five-minute major
Fore-checking
Glove-save
Going five-hole
High-sticking
Holding the stick
Hooking
Icing the puck
In the crease
Kick-save (or "kick-save and a beauty")
Lighting the lamp
Line change
Matching minors
Offsides
One-timer
Poke-check
Power play (or "man advantage")
Pulling the goalie
Scoring short-handed
Slashing
Stacking the pads
Two-line pass
Two-man advantage
Wrist shot
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Worst Job in America
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Posted:Aug 29, 2007 8:29 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2007 3:37 pm
3278 Views
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I now know who has the absolutely worst job in America. It's the undercover cop who has to sit in a men's room stall to bust guys like Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) in the Minneapolis airport. I don't know what they're paying that dude, but it ain't enough.
I love the part where the good senator shows the cop his business card, identifying him as a United States senator, and says, "What do you think about that?" I really respect the cop for finding a way to resist saying, "I think I just busted a U.S. senator."
Since it's now relevant again, I'll copy my post of last November 10 here:
~Begin copied post~
(One might ask why I know the stuff in this post. There was a story in the paper not too long ago about a lawyer (he works in a county prosecutor's office) who was found having sex with a legal assistant (not his own assistant) in a women's restroom at Qwest Field during a Seahawks game.)
It is NOT illegal in the state of Washington to have sex in a public restroom, provided nobody is being indecently exposed. And even then, the offense is the indecent exposure, not the sex. So as long as you're in a stall with the door closed, it's all good.
However, it IS illegal for a man to be in a women's public restroom in the state of Washington.
So if you're a guy, and you're in the women's room, that's a problem. But as long as you're there anyway, you can have sex with no additional trouble.
I'm not clear on whether women are allowed to be in men's rooms. If they are, make a note of that, guys - have her come into the men's room rather than you going into the women's room. If not, then I guess you can only gay/lesbian sex is going to work.
~End copied post~
So, if Larry's layover had been in Seattle instead of Minneapolis, there never would have been a problem. He and his intended partner are both men, they'd be in the men's room, and presumably they'd be in a stall with the door closed, so it'd all be good. Poor guy just had a connecting flight out of the wrong city, that's all.
Well, there's the hypocrisy too, but don't tell me you're surprised by THAT.
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Go Tell It Under The Mountain
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Posted:Aug 2, 2007 10:22 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 12:54 am
3213 Views
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Author’s note: Since my previous story drew some fan mail, or at least a very nice compliment from a very sexy reader, I’ve taken the liberty of writing another story featuring her. As before, this is a work of fiction/fantasy. And as before, it’s more than a first draft but far from a finished product. I would welcome collaboration, offline or online, especially from the very sexy reader in question.
Erica and I chatted online for a little while and decided to meet in person. She was in Ellensburg and I live in Auburn, over 100 miles away, so this was not especially difficult, but it wasn’t completely simple either. We decided to meet at the Snoqualmie Tunnel, about an hour from me and a bit closer to her.
Snoqualmie Tunnel is a former railroad tunnel that was used to cross the Cascade Mountains on the Chicago-Seattle route. The railroad stopped using that track many years ago and transferred a substantial part of it, including the tunnel to the state, which converted it to a trail for hikers, bicyclists, and horseback riders. A little over two miles of the trail is in the tunnel, where there is no light source at all except for, quite literally, the light at the end of the tunnel. For most of the time that you’re in the tunnel, that light hardly seems to change size, and it’s almost impossible to judge distances. The temperature in the tunnel is quite cool even on hot summer days, and water drips from the tunnel ceiling in places. There’s also almost always a gentle breeze blowing through from one end to the other.
We met in the Iron Trail parking lot. I arrived about ten minutes early, and Erica showed up right on time. She looked fantastic, wearing a pair of shorts that really set off her gorgeous legs (which you can see in her picture), and tank top (without a bra), and a stylish pair of sunglasses that just seemed to make the whole outfit a little sexier. We were, of course, immediately faced with the standard A.F.F. quandary: What, exactly, is the appropriate greeting when you meet someone from this site in person for the first time? We offered each other a handshake as we said hello, then laughed as we looked at each other, and with that I pulled her close to me and kissed her deeply and passionately, our tongues dancing with each other as our bodies pressed together for the first time. When we broke our kiss I took her hand, raised it to my lips, kissed it, and said, “Delighted to meet you, Erica.” We both laughed again and I put my arm around her waist as we headed to the tunnel entrance.
The beginning of the tunnel is a little unnerving, but we gradually adjusted to the darkness, broken only by the pinprick of light that was the other end. It was remarkable how alone we were ‒ in fact, considering the parking lot, the trail, and the tunnel, there was no sign of anyone else at all. Of course, with the tunnel being so dark, it was hard to tell for sure, but it certainly sounded like we were alone. I moved my arms down from her waist so I could caress Erica’s ass, and she turned slightly so that she could squeeze my cock through my shorts. We stopped walking to kiss and our bodies came together as our tongues explored each other’s mouths. I lightly traced my tongue over her lips, and she darted her tongue in and out of my mouth. I kissed and licked and nibbled over her neck and sucked softly on each of her earlobes. She arched her neck back and I took one breast in each hand through her tank top. As her nipples hardened I pinched them and rolled them back and forth between my fingers. Erica took my hard cock in her hand through my shorts and stroked me rapidly as we kissed madly again.
We stopped like this a couple of times until we simply couldn’t stand it any more. By now we were about halfway through the tunnel, it was pitch dark, and this time when we kissed I unfastened her shorts and slipped my fingers down into her panties. She reached into my shorts and fondled my balls, then ran her hand over my throbbing shaft. With my other hand I rolled her tank top up to expose her breasts. Erica moaned as I took her left nipple into my mouth at the same moment that I slid my middle finger into her pussy. Her moans echoed loudly in the long, empty tunnel, inspiring me to suck her nipple harder, squeeze her other breast, and slide a second finger into her pussy and begin working them rapidly in and out while rubbing her clit with my thumb.
As her moans grew more intense, Erica pulled my shorts and boxers down and stroked me more vigorously. I pulled her shorts and panties all the way down and helped her out of them. I cupped her ass in both hands and lifted her up while bending my knees slightly, and I lowered her down onto my cock at the side of the tunnel. I drove myself hard and fast up into her as she wrapped her legs around my waist and squeezed my cock with her pussy muscles. I lowered my head to her chest and took one nipple into my mouth, sucking it, nibbling at it, and flicking it with my tongue, before switching to do the same to her other nipple.
I felt Erica nearing her orgasm, so I began rubbing her clit with one hand while still holding her ass with my other. I sucked harder on her nipples as she began to cum, her screams of pleasure echoing all up and down the tunnel. As she recovered from her orgasm, she could sense me nearing mine, and she pushed herself off of me, knelt in front of me, and took my cock all the way into her mouth as I began to explode. I came over and over, shooting jets of hot cum directly into her throat. She swallowed eagerly, and when I finished cumming I pulled her to her feet and kissed her deeply, stroking her ass with one hand and her breasts with my other.
We got dressed, but in the darkness of the tunnel we couldn’t find Erica’s panties at first. She gave up and put on her shorts without them, but I found them just as she finished. She said, “You keep them” and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, followed by another deep passionate kiss before we headed back out of the tunnel and back to our cars.
To be continued?
I seem to have something of a mountain theme going here. Would any of you lovely ladies like to climb Mt. Si near North Bend with me next week? Monday would be best, but Wednesday also works for me. I might be able to do Tuesday, too, although that would take some work on my end of the schedule.
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Go Tell It On The Mountain
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Posted:Jul 30, 2007 4:44 pm
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2007 10:57 pm
3457 Views
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Author’s Note: This is a work of fiction, or, if you prefer, a work of fantasy. It’s inspired by, and features, my new favorite erotic author; for purposes of this tale, we’ll call her Andrea. (If she’d prefer a different name, that’s easy enough.) While this is not a first draft, it’s a long way from being a finished product. Aside from revisions, edits, and improvements, for which there is plenty of room, it would certainly be possible to give a lot more detail about the return trip, and there’s room for a prequel, too.
Should the aforementioned inspiration like this and/or see some potential, I would certainly like to collaborate with her on a story sometime, or more than one. (I mean that in the sense of being co-authors, not in the sense of making our own story in person, but since I’m fantasizing anyway, that’d be great too!)
The locations in this story are real; some readers have probably been to some or all of them.
Without all that much more ado:
Andrea and I had decided to spend the day hiking in Mount Rainier National Park. Our trek began at a visitor center at an altitude of about 6,400 feet, which was just enough to notice the thinner air at first. After a short but somewhat steep rise, our path led us through six mostly downhill miles. The return trip needed to climb back up all of that, a gain of about 1,500 feet from our lowest point, and we knew that should be a decent workout. Our destination was a large open meadow; we planned to have lunch there and bask in the glory of our surroundings. Our trek would take most of the day, so we started early, getting up before the sun for our drive to the visitor center. Remember, of course, that we hadn’t really slept all that much *wink, wink* the night before, so we weren’t terribly well-rested. I drove, and Andrea napped in the passenger seat, looking positively adorable as she slept. I was sorely tempted to reach over and caress her thighs between her knees and her shorts, but I let her sleep in peace.
Andrea awoke and stretched a few minutes before we arrived at the visitor center. By now the morning sun was up, and we were both more than taken by the beauty of the mountain, the surrounding hills, and the wildflowers. As we started our hike, the initial steep climb and our adjustment to the altitude left us a bit winded. (But we had exerted ourselves more strenuously than that in the last 12 hours!) Soon we gained the ridgetop and stopped to take in the views in all directions, and it just seemed right to kiss. We kissed deeply and passionately, our tongues wrestling with each other, and I cupped her ass in my left hand and gave her left breast a quick squeeze with my right hand. She gave my cock a quick squeeze through my shorts, and we continued on our way.
The trail split after about a mile and a half. We had a chance there to look at a beautiful snow-fed lake, and we kissed again. One trail headed off to loop back to the visitor center. Another began a long climb up to a viewpoint more than a mile away ‒ we’d been there before, and in fact it was what we saw from there that inspired today’s trip. Our trail, though, headed gently downhill, and we started off that way. We had started early enough that while we weren’t alone out there, there weren’t very many other people on the trails, and it certainly felt, most of the time, like we had the whole world to ourselves.
Our path led us down under mountain cliffs and into a valley and open meadow. We were both very much taken with the impossibly cute marmots, who were either habituated to humans or just didn’t care about us. They had no interest in us at all, whether as a source of food or of fear, and just continued to go about their business, which, as far as we could tell, was brunch.
I set our backpack down on the ground and wrapped my arms around Andrea’s waist, pulling her close to me and kissing her deeply. We held each other for several minutes, never breaking our passionate kiss, until I slipped one hand down the front of her shorts to feel the wetness of her pussy. I easily slid my middle finger into her and she broke our kiss to bury her head in my chest. She adjusted her feet, spreading them a little wider, and I slid my ring finger into her as well, rubbing her clit with my thumb as I began to work my fingers in and out. After a few slow strokes, I began moving my hand faster and faster, driving my fingers as far into her as I could with each thrust, then drawing them back quickly, only to slam them back into her again. As I felt her pleasure building, she turned her head slightly and then bit down into my shoulder through my shirt. With that I sped up my hand’s movements even more, bringing her to a powerful climax that she somehow muffled by moaning into my chest.
As she recovered, I withdrew my hand and we gathered our senses. I picked up our backpack and we continued, and not two minutes later we passed two backpackers heading the other direction on their way back after an overnight in the wilderness. When they were out or earshot, Andrea and I exchanged knowing looks and then laughed together ‒ with only slightly different timing on their part or ours, they’d have seen us in quite a different state than they did. Neither Andrea nor I are exhibitionists, per se, but we don’t exactly object to having an audience, either!
We continued on our way, hiking through a sub-alpine forest and finally coming to an enormous open space of green, dotted here and there with clusters of trees. We all know the song about “where the deer and the antelope play.” Well, if the deer and the antelope played golf, this is where their course would be. And it’s amazingly isolated. We could see the lookout point far above us, and we could tell where some of the trails were, but other than that, there was absolutely no sign, in any direction, that the human species even exists. In short, it was a perfect place for lunch.
We ate our sandwiches and drank some water, and then I got out the strawberries I’d brought along. I held one out to Andrea, and she leaned forward to take it in her mouth, taking the opportunity to lick my fingers, too. She offered me one and I did the same, and as we continued, our play became more and more erotic, with the unspoken rule that we could only touch each other with our mouths and the strawberries. I ran one around her face before allowing her to eat it, and when we came to the last one, she held it in her mouth while I bit the other end.
I then took out the cookies I’d made for us the day before. I ran one over her lips and down her neck before giving her a bite. I lifted her shirt off and ran the cookie down her chest, gave her another bite, and then took off her bra. I ran the cookie around her breasts and up and down between them, not touching either of them at first, and then playing it over her nipples before feeding her the rest of it, and she licked and sucked my fingers as she finished it.
I leaned forward to play with her chest, sucking on one nipple while rolling the other between my fingertips, and then switching. Soon she was moaning and her nipples were completely hard. I released the one from my mouth and pinched them both at the same time as I kissed up her chest to her neck and then her mouth.
As my mouth found hers, Andrea took my shirt off and suddenly shoved me onto my back. She took the belt from her shorts and used it to tie my hands behind my back while I offered only a playful objection. She then pulled my shorts down, revealing my predictable hardness, and used my belt to tie my feet together. She took my cock in her hands and stroked me nearly to orgasm, and then stood up, got the binoculars from our backpack, and wandered off to look at the sights. After 10 or 15 minutes, she came back and took me in her mouth, again bringing me almost to orgasm before leaving me high and dry. This time she looked up to the viewpoint far above, realizing that people there were also using binoculars to look around in all directions. It was completely impossible, of course, for her to tell whether any of them were looking at us, or even if they could have seen what we were up to, but she grabbed my feet and dragged me out into a more open space, just in case. (As I said, we’re not exhibitionists, really, but we don’t mind being watched!)
With that she mounted me, facing the viewpoint. She bounced up and down and ground herself against me, bringing herself to two orgasms while making sure I didn’t cum. When she was sated, she got off of me, stood up, pulled me to a sitting position, and got dressed. “Thanks, this was fun,” she said, and turned to hike back up the trail, leaving me naked with my hands and feet tied.
I was, of course, at no real risk; among other things, the belts really weren’t secure enough to hold me for very long if I had really wanted to get free. But I decided to stay there and play along with whatever she had in mind, though I did take the opportunity to work the belt around my wrists a bit looser.
After a few minutes, and completely without warning, Andrea jumped me from behind, having stripped naked again. I quickly freed my hands, flipped her over onto her back, and used the belt to tie her hands together behind her back. I held her down with one hand and undid the belt around my ankles with the other. I looked around and saw her clothes under a nearby tree, so I tied her ankles together and quickly ran to get her panties. I balled them up and forced them into her mouth, and then took the belt from around her ankles and used it to hold her panties in her mouth.
I then pushed her onto her back with her hands tied underneath her and pulled her legs apart. She kicked at me, but her panties muffled her screams. I held her legs firmly by the calves and kept her feet up by my shoulders and slammed my cock deep into her pussy with a single thrust. I pounded her over and over again, varying my speed, depth, and angle, bringing her to three orgasms before I felt my own building irresistibly. At the last moment, I pulled out of her pussy and shot jets of cum over her stomach and chest, with just a little making its way to her lips.
Once we had recovered enough to move, I untied her and helped her to her feet. It was still, of course, impossible to tell whether anyone at the viewpoint was watching us, but we looked up there, waved, and took a bow before kissing deeply and getting dressed. We hiked back up to the visitor center, hand in hand all the way, stopping for a couple of quick standing fucks along the way, of course.
Driving home, Andrea once again looked absolutely adorable as she slept, but this time I didn’t try to resist the temptation to caress those lovely legs ...
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A Rolling Non-Scottish Stone
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Posted:Jun 17, 2007 6:34 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 12:54 am
3127 Views
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Q: How do you know Mick Jagger isn't Scottish?
A: If he was, the song would be "Hey, hey, McCleod, get off my ewe."
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Seattle Erotic Art Festival
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Posted:Mar 26, 2007 8:19 am
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 12:54 am
3191 Views
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I did go to the Seattle Erotic Art Festival last weekend (well, two weekends ago, since it's now Monday morning). While it was cool and all, I liked last year's better. The theme this year was "art noir," which seemed to translate into, among other things, lots of ropes and other BDSM stuff. That's all well and good, but it's not my thing - and that's fine, since the theme can't be everybody's thing every year.
I did buy the catalog, more as a statement of support than anything else. Several printers had refused to take the job of printing the catalog because of the content, and that made both the budget and the schedule much tighter than they would otherwise have been. While I wish they hadn't made that choice, it is true that it's a choice the printers are free to make - as private entities, freedom of speech and/or the press means that they can choose to print or not print whatever they want. This is a case, though, where I would really like to express my support by patronizing the company that did do the printing, which sounds like a good idea until you realize that I have no use at all for the services of a printing company, and presumably won't for quite some time, if ever. Oh well.
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Seattle Erotic Art Festival
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Posted:Mar 8, 2007 8:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 18, 2007 8:51 am
3348 Views
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Wow, have I been busy lately.
The Seattle Erotic Art Festival is March 16-18, and I'd love to have a date to go with. My treat (unless you'd prefer otherwise). Dates and times are somewhat flexible for me. To be clear, I'm not necessarily looking for sex with my date, but if we should happen to be so inspired (which seems kind of likely, given the event and all), you won't find me objecting either.
I bought two pieces of artwork there last year. One was a tasteful topless portrait of a woman ... the other was a piece of color photography called "Cookies." It's a woman laying on her back, nude, on a kitchen counter, having made up a batch of cookie dough, with a glass of wine beside her and some flour scattered here and there on her body ... oh, never mind. I can't do it justice in this description. She's clearly in bliss, and for those of us who think we're better-than-average bakers, it's just perfect.
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What you can and can't do in a public restroom
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Posted:Nov 10, 2006 4:37 pm
Last Updated:Aug 2, 2007 7:23 pm
3265 Views
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(One might ask why I know the stuff in this post. There was a story in the paper not too long ago about a lawyer (he works in a county prosecutor's office) who was found having sex with a legal assistant (not his own assistant) in a women's restroom at Qwest Field during a Seahawks game.)
It is NOT illegal in the state of Washington to have sex in a public restroom, provided nobody is being indecently exposed. And even then, the offense is the indecent exposure, not the sex. So as long as you're in a stall with the door closed, it's all good.
However, it IS illegal for a man to be in a women's public restroom in the state of Washington.
So if you're a guy, and you're in the women's room, that's a problem. But as long as you're there anyway, you can have sex with no additional trouble.
I'm not clear on whether women are allowed to be in men's rooms. If they are, make a note of that, guys - have her come into the men's room rather than you going into the women's room. If not, then I guess you can only gay/lesbian sex is going to work.
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Biddy McGraw (or, the Bra Strangler)
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Posted:Sep 16, 2006 6:17 am
Last Updated:Aug 30, 2007 11:14 am
3436 Views
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Traditional Irish tune ("traditional" meaning that it's been around for a good long time, nobody seems to know who wrote it, and plenty of people have recorded it):
I'll tell you all a story, it'll give you quite a shock
It's all about the murders on the Ring's End dock
The girl in question was Biddy McGraw
She strangled two sailors with the straps of her bra
With me toorayeah, faladiddledah, tooraye, oohraye, orrayeah
They tried to get her with hell-fire and liquor
But smart as they were, they still couldn't trick her
She remembered a story, told by her ma
And she quickly untied the straps of her bra
With me toorayeah, faladiddledah, tooraye, oohraye, orrayeah
She tied one 'round the big fella's head
And she flung him in the Liffey like a crust of bread
The little fella laughed and he went "Ha Ha!"
So she stuffed his gob with the rest of her bra
With me toorayeah, faladiddledah, tooraye, oohraye, orrayeah
She got home about a quarter to one
Very happy and contented with a job well done
She ups and tells her ma and her pa
Sayin' "Thanks be to Jesus I was wearin' me bra!"
With me toorayeah, faladiddledah, tooraye, oohraye, orrayeah
So if you're a little girl who likes sailors at night
Make sure that the straps of your bra are tight
Remember the story of Biddy McGraw
Keep one hand on your knickers and the other on your bra!
With me toorayeah, faladiddledah, tooraye, oohraye, orrayeah
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Acronym Days
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Posted:Sep 11, 2006 10:33 am
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2006 6:07 am
3310 Views
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We all know about these:
Thank Goddess It's Friday
Sure Happy It's Thursday
Tuesday Is Terribly Slow
I need some for the other days of the week. Rules are pretty open-ended ... although all of the above are four letters each, that's not a requirement. And they don't have to spell and actual word - TGIF doesn't, after all - but there are bonus points if they do. Extra bonus points if they spell something bawdy.
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The Scourge Of God
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Posted:Sep 8, 2006 8:20 am
Last Updated:Aug 2, 2007 7:21 pm
3341 Views
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Pet peeve #119: I really hate it (see exceptions below) when women (and in my experience so far, it's always been women) call me "hon" or "darlin'" or other such things when I am clearly not their "hon" or "darlin'" or whatever. Whether it's a waitress or (this is a prime example) the receptionist at my vet's office or anyone else, just don't, okay?
Exceptions:
1. If we wake up next to each other at least a couple of times per week, names like that are perfectly okay, and sometimes even desirable.
2. If you're using it as a literary device, to make a point, to be sarcastic, for mutual (or even just your own) amusement, that's also fine, and also desirable in cases. (For example, a reply to this blog entry that made extensive and creative use of such terms would be not just okay but funny as hell. I would probably laugh my ass off, and then it would be really uncomfortable for me to sit down, because I wouldn't have an ass any more. I digress. Again.)
Otherwise, skip it. I know they don't mean anything by it, but that's the point, or at least part of the point. If you say stuff like that when it doesn't mean anything, it cheapens those terms for people who are trying to use them to mean something. So, to the receptionist at the vet and everyone else whom it may concern, unless I'm your hon, don't call me your hon.
It's possible, of course, that I've misunderstood in some cases, and maybe they were really calling me a Hun. But do I look like Attila, a.k.a. The Scourge Of God? Yeah, I didn't think so either. Nice nickname, though.
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I was a judge
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Posted:Sep 7, 2006 10:05 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 12:54 am
3334 Views
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Last week I got to be a judge at Amateur Night at a local strip club. It's not a complicated selection process - you go to the club on Amateur Night, and when they ask for judges, you volunteer. The only rule, apparently, is that you can't be associated with one of the contestants, but if you were discreet, it's not clear how they'd even know that.
It's also not clear what counts as an amateur. I've only been to a couple of these, and once there were waitresses from the day shift competing at Amateur Night. Okay, they're not dancers, but that certainly seems more like Semi-Pro Night, in the sense that it wouldn't be fair to a contestant who expected to compete against other true amateurs. In this case, though, I believe that all of the contestants (there were only five) were really amateurs in fact and in spirit - their moves were just different from the real dancers' moves. Not necessarily better or worse, just different.
I admit that I felt a little like the old East German judges used to in the Olympics. Whether it's figure skating or gymnastics or exotic dancing or whatever, you're hesitant to give a really high score to the first contestant, because if somebody else does better, what score do you give them?
Also, I made one scoring decision before seeing any of the contestants. We were judging on a ten-point scale, and I decided that anybody who has gets up and dances in front of a crowd of total strangers has more balls than I do, and there was no way anybody was getting below a 7 on my scorecard - and assuming they actually stripped, they get at least an 8. Minimum.
So here were the results:
Our first contestant was Jocelyn. (Okay, I need to say something about stage names. We all know it's not your real name. But a strip club is about fantasy, and it helps the fantasy if your stage name COULD be your real name. Her name wasn't Jocelyn - at least, I assume not - but we can pretend, and that counts, in my book, and since I was a judge, my book counted.) Jocelyn got off to a pretty slow start. I can't blame her too much for that. It's got to be intimidating enough to do something like that, and to go first must be even worse. She did better as her dance went along, and she was actually pretty good at the end. I debated between an 8 and a 9 for her, finally settling on an 8. I figured I could always go back and change it later if I felt she deserved more in comparison to the others.
The second dancer was Surreal. (See above about stage names. Come on, pick something that lets the imagination work.) She missed her cue or something and didn't go on stage, but they eventually found her and she went on at the end of the contest. She did all right, but not quite as good as Jocelyn. I gave her an 8 too - although I felt Jocelyn did better, I didn't think Surreal deserved a lower score.
Contestant #3 was 69. (This rates as truly awful in the stage name category.) She didn't seem into it at all, and hardly looked at the audience. I know it's intimidating, but you have to at least acknowledge that we're there. And letting your top ride up over your breasts while keeping your shorts exactly where they started doesn't count as stripping. She got a 7.
The fourth contestant was Velvet. I gave Velvet an exemption on the stage name thing. Sure, it doesn't meet my normal criteria, but she danced to the song "Black Velvet" and had a great outfit to go with it. Unfortunately, she couldn't figure out where the stage entrance was and missed the first half or so of the song. (Hint: You could just go where the dancers in front of you went.) She was very tall, with curly red hair and an all-black outfit - shoes, stockings, garters, panties, bra, gloves, and a collar-type thing around her neck. She was the first contestant where I said, "I want her!" She really moved well with the music too ... all in all, a great show. But I only gave her a 9, since she only did half a song. Still, she was clearly the best so far.
The last contestant, Sonia, stole the show. Nice name - it's not her name, I assume, but it's a name that's plausible. She had straight blonde hair, parted in the middle, down to about halfway between her chin-line and shoulders. She wore very sexy glasses, which went well with her outfit, even though they weren't part of the outfit - they just seemed to be her glasses, judging from seeing her after the contest. She wore a short-sleeve black top and a little black skirt over white panties. She had little black heels on, but the thing that caught your attention first about her outfit were her socks - little white socks that came up just to her ankles, with a little cotton ball thing at the top. So she's very cute. Then she started dancing, and she was into it from the start. Very energetic, obviously having a great time. And it was obvious that she was an amateur, too. The professional dancers try to be more sensual and seductive about their movements. Sonia was just having a blast and loving every moment of it.
She stripped quickly and energetically, and soon all she had on were the shoes, socks, and glasses. One of the dancers (the ones who work there) sitting in the front row even got up and lay on her back on the stage for Sonia to simulate a little oral sex. (To be honest, rather than helping her on my scorecard, I almost counted it against her, just for being too blatant about trying for a high score. But I ended up simply disregarding it.) I gave her a 10 and wrote "Very cute. Very energetic. Great socks! I want a couch dance from her!"
(Apparently the amateurs can't give couch dances, because they don't have the required entertainer's license or whatever. I didn't ask - I just overheard something like that.)
Sonia, Surreal, and 69 made the finals. I should say that I don't know what effect the other dancer being onstage with Sonia had on the other judges. I disregarded it, but I don't know what they did. At risk of stereotyping my fellow males, they probably rated her higher because of it. And I think there's something to that generalization with this particular group of judges. Sonia belonged in the finals, definitely. But Velvet was clearly the best of the other four. The other judges must not have appreciated her, and that's too bad. (As for choosing between Jocelyn, Surreal, and 69, I would have gone with Jocelyn, but between those three I can accept either of the other two as simply a matter of different people with different tastes.) In any case, it's winner-take-all, and even if Velvet had made the finals, Sonia was still the best, so there's no harm there in the end.
They do Amateur Night every Wednesday. If any of you lovely ladies would care to join me there (to watch, judge, or compete), I'd be delighted with your company next week. A wink's as good as a nod, as they say. 
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To link to this blog (wantinfunwithu) use [blog wantinfunwithu] in your messages.
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