Silly Dream, Broken Heart  

vrec_dawn 41M
854 posts
8/14/2006 10:31 pm

Last Read:
8/15/2006 5:10 pm

Silly Dream, Broken Heart

I just had the weirdest damn dream. In it I 'went home', back to a place of childhood memories. Even if a lot of them were more dream-manufactured than real, it was still such a comforting feeling.

But even better than that, I was reunited with a childhood pet, my cat, Cheddar. That's a picture of him scanned in from when he was a young guy.

It's so stupid. He's been dead for years, and out of my life even longer, because when I was in the military I couldn't even take him when my mom had to give him up when she moved, so he'd gone into 'retirement' with my grandpa and grandma on their farm, the same farm we got him from as a kitten. So it was like his life coming full circle to live out in wild kitty barn-cat luxury his last couple of years. And he was happy.

But damned if I didn't miss him. It's so stupid waking up from a dream and being so sad that I'm actually crying. But it was so heartwarming to have been reunited with him in my dream, to snuggle with him again. I don't know. It's stupid, but it was such a perfect feeling, such a pure and simple love. I should be happy that I can still feel that in my heart after all this time, that I've not been so jaded by t he world to have lost that. But waking up and realizing that it was all a dream is like losing him all over again.

He was my cat. I grew up with three. Peaches became my mom's cat. Sneakers was always my sister's cat. And Cheddar was my cat. Partly because we were both the only boys in the family, and partly because I was the only one who could pick his twenty pound ass up and hold him on my shoulder. (He was a shoulder cat. He'd rest his weight against your chest and put his paws up on your shoulder and look out behind you. ) And his weight wasn't fat. He was just big. We used to joke that a bobcat caught one of the barn cats in heat and that was why he was so big.

The funny part was that for his size, he was asthmatic. He'd hold his own if any cat came into his yard, but after the howling (or worse) was over and things were safe again, he'd have a mild asthma attack. He was a goofy cuss.

I loved him.

I miss him.

It's weird. I'm not even sure if I cried for him when he died. Part of that whole pagan cycle of life thing. I guess maybe I'm making up for that now, huh? So weird. Dreams are funny things.

Anyway, it's the middle of the night and I really should get back to sleep, but I just felt like sharing. For some weird reason. Even if for only a moment, and only in my dreams, life was as simple and full of joy as childhood, maybe infinitely more so than it ever was as a child now that I've the perspective of an adult to weigh it with.

It's so weird to be so happy and so sad at the same time.


trollgirl 47F

8/14/2006 10:59 pm

I know what you mean about dreams. I often dream of my dog Harry and my grandfather...both long gone now but you know when I think on it, the happiest and most innocent times of my life were spent with the two of them. Back when life was simple and good. It is always good to know that you have loved ones still in your heart...maybe it is just their way of letting you know that they are still there watching over you. Even a cat and a dog


vrec_dawn replies on 8/15/2006 5:01 pm:
That's a nice thought.

curiousinlorain7 60F

8/15/2006 3:40 am

Pets teach us so much about unconditional love and how to give love. I still dream of my childhood dog Rufus.. and I so do wish that I could have my dog minnie live with me and not my ex...


vrec_dawn replies on 8/15/2006 5:08 pm:
Bummer about the ex getting your dog.

I think Cheddar taught as much about being annoying. But I loved him all the same. (He was neutered late, so he'd still mark his territory from time to time. And his way of requesting breakfast was to tear paper.)

druidrocker 63F

8/15/2006 3:11 pm


vrec_dawn replies on 8/15/2006 5:06 pm:
Thanks.

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