Alpha Male  

vrec_dawn 41M
854 posts
9/5/2006 4:27 am

Last Read:
9/5/2006 4:42 am

Alpha Male

My best friend said something to me that really kicked my ass. I don't know if it was quite intended in this way, or to hit me this hard, but it's something I'm really taking to heart.

She told me "become the alpha male you have so very carefully caged and hidden deep down under that scared little boy and let him give life a chance".

And you know what? She's so fucking right!

All my life, from early childhood, through every relationship I've ever had, I never mattered. And I mean that literally. My mother would ask me what I wanted. I'd tell her. She'd ignore it. Sometimes seemingly blatantly. My first love did it. My ex did it. I learned from early on not to care. If someone asked me what I wanted, I learned not to see it as an opportunity, but to tell myself it doesn't matter.

Well WTF?! It DOES matter! By the gods it fucking matters! I'm worth that. I love myself, and it's damned well time I started treating myself like it!

I don't know how easy or hard it will be to learn, but dammit, I'm going to do my best to make my life mine. I'm going to take what I want. And if I find what I want isn't what I want or what I need, oh well. I'll at least have learned that, and can aim for something else then.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still a very nice guy. But now that I love myself, I'm also going to be a stronger, more fulfilled very nice guy.

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