Should we have more than one Lover?  

volcanoinu23 54M
272 posts
6/24/2006 6:17 am

Last Read:
6/26/2006 1:28 am

Should we have more than one Lover?

My current lover and I seem to be at an interesting crossroads. We have amazing chemistry, but we have just barely scratched the sexual surface. On the other hand, there is the temptation to explore a long-term relationship or to revert to a “friends with benefits” package. The latter would mean one or both of us might consider additional partners for our sexual exploits.

In my case, I don’t have any women that I can call for such purposes. My only “friend” who resided in Eugene, moved to Louisiana this last month. In addition, I am busy with work, travel and two boys that sometimes I even forget to have amorous inclinations (unless I am physically with “Eyes”, then it is a different story). Many of the women that I have met on AdultFriendFinder want, need and thrive on sexual relations more than the once a week or so that I can provide. Many of the most intelligent women that I have befriended on AdultFriendFinder also have a small harem of men to choose from.

So the question begs to be asked. How will we feel if our “friend” sees other partners?
Should we be faithful to our AdultFriendFinder friend? Could we make arrangements to be with one or two others from time to time? Should we be so brazen that we tell our number one partner about the exploits with any others?

When I was younger, I was deadly jealous of the man (the boy) that had my first lover. As it turns out, he was the best thing to happen to her, because he gave her such positive feelings about sex, that I bet even today she may be a thriving member of AdultFriendFinder. She was the only good lover I had as a young man and I was so stupid! As I got older and understood human sexual health more, I wish my wife (now ex) would have stepped out on me in our mid-thirties for a sexual attitude adjustment. It would have been good for her if someone could unleash the passion that might have been tucked away in that beautiful body.

Might not sexual beings like us want to know exactly what our partners do with others for two reasons? One, the recurring theme of honesty always comes out in discussions of sex, love and relationships. Second if we are such sexual beings as we profess to be, can’t we use our partner’s recent sexual encounter as a catalyst for a hot tryst of our own?

It is an interesting question to put forward. I am sure it will be met with a wide range of emotions ranging from lusty to disdain. Maybe those of us on the more exhibitionist-side of the equation look at things differently than others. Consider the question and respond at your leisure!

demonicsexkitten 42F
10688 posts
6/24/2006 12:38 pm

I think this is something that should be discussed and decided between the parties involved. There is no "one size fits all" answer.

Myself? um... well, i'm probably not a good example. Being as I've got a "harem" (imaginary and real). 2 lovers with emotions involved (beyond "just friends"), and 1 "friend with benefits". only the friend with bennies lives close enough to spend time with me... but the other 2 please me better. i do need that deeper connection. Myself... for MYself... i really think, other ppl's feelings left out of the picture, i would like to have a "harem". Two of my partners are married; they do not mind hearing of my experiences with others, but the one who is single... he is jealous. He feels he has no right to make demands upon me, but doesn't want to know. And if he moves to live near me: he will insist on monogamy. I know how he feels though. I tend to be a bit jealous and possessive myself, And would insist on any man in my life being monogamous. I don't share my "toys". And so my deep-set belief in fairness... is what would keep me faithful.

OK... thinking this over, the male harem idea is pure Ego in reality it would take such overwhelming effort to keep balance and harmony, and to constantly be fair and equal.

I realize i'm rambling, and i apologize. I only had 1 hour sleep in 28 hours or so... i'm trying to gather my thoughts.

I think you have perfect qualifications for being member of a male harem though if once a week is all the time you have... that's why i think such a thing would work just think of all the men that get sex... once every few months or so, they could join a harem and possibly have a guaranteed once, twice, thrice a week... and yet they don't have to feel smothered cuz the woman has however many other men to distract her.

"can't we use our partner's recent sexual encounter as a catalyst for a hot tryst of our own"... possible. But can't you do the same with cybering? or reading books? or even just letting one's own imagination run wild, and then talking about it? Quite frankly, my imagination is ... well... far wilder than anything my partners have done. Though to be fair, time and location often has much to do with that. It's also quite possible to be appreciative of former partners without hearing "details". i think most are bothered by details.

OK... i'm going to shut up now Hope i got something sensical in here. if not... my apologies, and feel free to delete this and i'll try again after a nap.

themisskrissy 57F
2302 posts
6/24/2006 2:40 pm

i will get back to you on that... i need to attempt to organize my thoughts... it is not as easy subject to fire off on...

Virtue Alone Ennobles

happyladychat 49F
3740 posts
6/24/2006 6:56 pm

Hmmm... tough question to tackle. Somehow, when one is in love, he/she tends to be poccessive. And if he/she can't take a leash on his/her emotions, an open relationship would turn disastrous.

Well... in check of orderly society, that's why we can monogamy marriage, right? In old testiment days, people who slept outside their marriage deserved to be stoned to death... fortunately, in today's context, we progress to having divorce.

Personally, I am so ever tempted for open relationship, having a harem of men to choose from here. But having a traditional hubby, However, it just won't work. And if doing so without his knowledge, the wary thought of unfaithfulness act weigh heavily on my conscious.

Seems like for the previous para, I may have diverted a little and ranted.

Make it your challenge.... turn me ON!!

geminiwarrior 58F

6/28/2006 4:41 pm

I think the reason some women on here have several men on their 'books' is so that they can at least have someone to call on should the need arise. Downside is a feeling of never truly getting close or feeling of permanence you get in a one to one relationship.
The harem works for some for a while, but I think most would prefer one loyal, regular friend/lover....that's the ultimate dream.

florallei 100F

7/1/2006 10:18 am

When I finally consumate with a lover...things will be discussed prior...He will be of like mind as to new things or at least try and if for any reason I or he is uncomfortable then make other arrangements or changes...the KEY is to have a lover and partner who is open minded to at least wanting and desiring to explore...
My sexuality has really gone thru an evolution...I am so awakened now and yearning to have my desires quenched...for the most are easily inclined to exploration...their nature to take the lead and when I am so will make for a great match...ABLAZE with PASSION!

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