Almost Everyone Believes They Give Great Oral Sex  

unchainedphila 52M/43F
74 posts
6/5/2006 10:07 pm

Last Read:
6/29/2006 11:10 pm

Almost Everyone Believes They Give Great Oral Sex


Hi fellow perverts! Mr. Unchainedphila here. Today's topic is that almost everyone thinks they're great at giving oral.

Ask anyone. Ask several people how they would rate themselves as pussylickers or cocksuckers (or both as applicable), on a scale of bad, below average, average, above average, great, or don't give oral. You will get the following answers: Seventy percent will say they are above average. Twenty percent will say great. And five percent each will say bad and do not perform it. (If that doesn't add up to 100%, it's okay because I made those numbers up anyway.)

This leaves you with ninety percent believing they are better than average, a statistical impossibility. In fact, if you stuck your dick or pussy into their mouths (ask first) and rated them, you'd probably come up with a normal distribution with most being average. So why are they misinformed?

We're all lazy and over-polite, that's why. (Of course, while your genitals are between their jaws, it pays to be polite.) People never give honest feedback! Say someone new comes along and, because you're a filthy little fuckmonkey, within minutes they are slurping away between your legs. And it's just so-so, not really good. Not like the great oral you got from that one hottie a year ago who you think about with your eyes closed. Finally it's over, and by the time you've climaxed (or pretended to), you'll have decided whether you want to see them again or not. If someone you will never see again is unskilled with the mouth, you have no incentive to try to improve them because it's a hassle and it won't benefit you. And if you do want to see them again, you'll be complimentary about the mediocre suckage so they don't get all insulted and cry in the pillow. That sets the pattern, because once you've pretended to like their uncoordinated slobbering, you really can't take it back later. Because you're yella.

The exception is when someone is really bad, you find a gentle way to get them to stop chewing on you, like high-pitched screaming and shoving your thumbs between their molars. Even so, you'll play it off as a traumatic flashback to that one time with the family dog as a kid. So even then they don't learn.

So what can we do? It would be great if we could become more like the Japanese, who are so comfortable with sex their subway cars are like fetish porn lending libraries, they coined the term "sexual tourism", and schoolgirls who need some cash openly peddle their used panties. (Of course, Japan is also a masculinist culture in which women are belittled and assaulted, so let's not imitate that if we can avoid it.) But such a pro-sex social change is unlikely here in the United Evangelical Christian States. Ever.

Instead, I think the answer is Sex School. Sex Schools will be diverse like colleges. We'll have Community Sex Schools in stripmalls and over beauty parlors where you can pick up the rudiments of hand jobs. And there will be snooty Elite Sex Schools where you can pay $50,000 a year to major in ancient egpytian anal fisting. But in all of them, the instructors' main teaching tool is to take each student by the hand, or whatever, and show them how it's done. (A nice side effect is no one can unfairly get an A by screwing the prof or TA, since they're already screwing whoever they want.) Instead of publishing, professors earn tenure by demonstrating proficiency with the entire committee on a king-sized bed.

I think I'll found the first one tomorrow.

BessStarlight 45F
3 posts
6/19/2006 8:33 pm

Hot damn!
I knew I had a teaching degree for a reason...where do I sign up??


unchainedphila replies on 6/24/2006 12:39 am:
Bess- we'll be scheduling interviews at the Holiday Inn in York soon. If you want your own copy of the interview, bring a blank videotape.

rm_beautiday 58M/49F
1 post
6/20/2006 3:09 am

Ok, I think I agree with you. But what if you've had other people tell you that you give great head? Are they just saying that to get some more?


unchainedphila replies on 6/24/2006 12:48 am:
beaut - that's the insidious thing about it! You can't be sure anyone is being completely honest.

I guess the answer is the same as any relationship problem: trust and communication. Convey that you really want honest feedback and make them feel comfortable giving it. I don't know if you swing this way, but if you can incorporate the question into something sexy, it would be perfect - such as, "I love giving you head, I want to do it just like you like, please tell me what to do, it makes me hot" etc. It works both ways, of course. Actually, I think most guys would be automatically more accepting of feedback, since it means (a) you want it again and (b) they get a chance to learn, which guys usually don't.

rm_kim_n_dave 50M/47F
9 posts
6/24/2006 6:26 am

How does one become an Egyptian Anal Fisting Instructor in the first place, I wonder.

Perhaps if we all made out evaluation forms, we could hand them out after a sexual encounter and it can be mailed back to us anonymously. This way we get the feed back and the person doesn't have to leave their name if they don't want to!

That's just a suggestion until you get your school up and running, of course.


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