Would you Choose an Early Death?  

travelingintexas 42M
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8/18/2005 7:41 pm
Would you Choose an Early Death?

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Admit it. You have morbid tendencies. Which is why you clicked on this blog.

Many of us that blog on this site are highly charged and emotional people. Our ups and downs are documented on a daily basis. However, every time I hit one of my lows I am quietly reminded in the recesses of my mind of the following: To give up with no dream in this life is to die, but still breathe.


Depression. Grief. Sorrow. Anguish. Torture. Amazing pain that consumes my spirit and my heart, dragging me to the depths of my experience. An overwhelming and eccentric desire to give up, refuse to move, to assume the worst and expect nothing more. Pessimism becomes my hearts cry. An agent of loathing settles over every movement my body and mind make. Overwhelming sorrows creeps up and say because of these certain circumstances; I can not or should not continue on. Give up it cries from the farthest corners of my heart. That empty place of nothingness, that void that has become my existence.

Quietly… Quietly… I am reminded of a life. One to live. One to share. Delight. Pleasure. Bliss. Ecstasy. Elation. Wonder. Get up speaks another voice. You must live. You must hope. You must shine. You must anticipate. You must dream and expect greater things than have yet to be conceived. You are more than enough. A treasure. You must expect again as expectation breeds results that breeds joy.

There is a warring clash within my soul from both sides of this battle. Conflict. Warfare. Confrontation. Hostilities. Feud. Battle. Do I look down in death and defeat, experiencing my days through the eyes of a cold lifeless corpse? Or do I believe in a purpose, a dream, an overwhelming heart call to a full life. I can not, you can. I will not, you will. Tired, so tired. This inner war that no one sees. This war that battles for the redemption of one life in chaos. So much loss. So much life. So much hurt. So much hope. So much pain. So much more to partake in. This is a violent war that is led in the deepest corners of our hearts. Turning over in time with our heartbeat and an outcome uncertain.

Death or life. Our choice. Our option. What is our true desire? What is the point? Why have a point? Held under this place, this isolation cloaking our lungs like water. Refusal to breath but the body in natural response grasping for sweet air. A breath of hope. A breath of ability. A breath dare we say, of love. It is our natural desire. One we can not control on our own. Our bodies thirst for life. The primal urge to breath deeply of life bringing sweet air.

So what do you choose? Death today or life today? A life enshrouded in purpose and vigilance, that does not lose to the odds but creates it own odds. That makes the bet. That swings for life and grants hope, purpose and value to others. Expect. Anticipate. Trust. Wish. Look forward to. Aspiration. Faith. Faith. Faith that coming over the horizon is something greater, something irreplaceable that you just cannot see. But it is coming…

It is coming!


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