I Figured I Would Try This Blogging Thing...  

travelingintexas 42M
2/6/2006 9:55 am
I Figured I Would Try This Blogging Thing...

During my time here, I have either done some stupid stuff or stupid stuff has followed me on my journey. As an example, consider when my lighters blew up at Traveling Needs New Shorty Shorts Updated AGAIN 3 or most recently when I played an unwitting role in making a family of frogs motherless at Just 40 Yards. Most of them I write about and I try and add a funny twist. Never before have I worried that people would think something is so over the top that there was no way it could have happened. That is, never, until today! But oh Man, I couldn’t make this stuff up.

I was heading home yesterday from seeing my kids. For those of you that have seen Hoodwinked, it was pretty funny. That is, the parts that I saw. The last 3 times I have taken my children to a movie I have fallen asleep. Weird huh? I think that it is because I am with my kids and I let me guard down and relax. The lights go out and BAM, I am fighting sleep. I did wake up to my son elbowing me and saying “Dad, yer snoring!” However, I digress. (Yes, for those of you that asked in my last post, the squirrel Twitchy steals the show.)

Back to my story…

After I kissed and hugged my kiddo’s good bye, I hit the road. Now it is a quick 2 hour trip up I-35 to Dallas. Pretty mind numbing because for 50% of the drive there is nothing but fields surrounding the road. About 45 minutes outside of Dallas, I experienced something I never expected to experience in my life.

Now, to set this story up, I openly admit to living in Texas. You know me… I can’t step across the state line because if I die I won’t go to heaven. So, being in Texas, we have tons of wildlife. Heck, I have run over tons of wildlife while driving all over the state including but not limited to squirrels, dogs, snakes, armadillos, (yes [blog liblonde97] they do exist) cats, deer, vultures and even a raccoon. My grandfather came over a hill once and ran into a cow. Heck, I was talking to a friend last night and an ex of theirs ran into the ass end of a cow at 65 MPH. Now it sound’s like I am anti-animal but I assure you I am not. I just spend 50% of my year on the roads of Texas and unfortunately, these things are bound to happen.

So, I am driving in the right hand lane yesterday, (yes Bulge and Al we drive on the correct side of the road over here) minding my own business and smoking a cig while singing “Tequila makes her clothes fall off.” I wasn’t doing anything to anyone, when suddenly, out of nowhere, and I do mean OUT OF NOWHERE, I see a pair of freaky eyes that are eye level with me and a long neck and then…


I was already laughing. Even though it had happened so fast I had already processed it by the time I got to the side of the road, not 40 yards from where I hit it. I would love to say you have no idea what my first thought was but that would be a lie. My very first thought was “damn, I don’t have my camera. No one is gonna believe this.” Still laughing, I got out of the car and walked around to the front right side of the car. Surprisingly, there was no damage. Since the car didn’t rise up any, I assume I hit it and it somehow rolled out and back towards the side of the road.

Remembering the chain of events, I only recalled one thump. However, I was still laughing because of the eyes. What were the chances of this? Who runs this animal over for crying out loud? So I walked the 40 or 50 yards back down the road to a big ol’ pile of feathers. The closer I got to it, the harder I started to laugh. I wasn’t feeling bad yet, I just couldn’t believe it. As I approached, its feathers fluttered in the wind and some floated off on the breeze. Stepping up to it, I looked down. Sure enough, Trav had just run over an Emu. There before me were those freaky, beady eyes and the little tuft of hair on top. That long neck laying there on the road.

“Hello my name is Trav and I am an Emu killer.”

I looked around to see where it might have come from. Numerous people started raising them a few years back as investment farming so I thought perhaps it had escaped one of those farms. However, there was nothing but dormant cotton fields as far as the eye could see.

What the heck was an Emu doing running out of a cotton field? Who knows.

I find it inadequate writing this as I can’t accurately paint you a picture of what I initially thought was an ostrich running in front of my car. That feeling of “HUH?” Sure, maybe if you happen to be speeding through one of those drive thru wildlife safari parks one might accidentally run over a rhino or giraffe, but an Emu on a major interstate? FFS!

Arriving back at my hotel, I was sharing this story with a friend. We decided that in my new house, I am going to have a DRAWWWWW-Ring Room. (Is that English sounding [blog arklebar]? It’s gotta be English sounding. There in my “Draw-Ring” Room, I am going to have, from this day forwatd, all the wildlife I kill on my travels stuffed. Imagine, a one legged Emu with freaky eyes as a center piece in my “Draw-Ring” Room. All my friends can come over, wear their monocles and smoking jackets and as we sit in deep, leather chairs and sip cognac, I can say things like:

“I say… That Emu was brought down in one shot old boy! Elephant gun? Nay! BB Gun? Nay! I used my SUV as my primary weapon of choice! Good show!”

Heck, I am getting so good at this; I could have a weekly “What Did Traveling Kill This Week Bar-B-Q” and invite all the neighbors over for beer and emu!

Geeeeeeeez… Who runs over an Emu?


P.S. womenlooking4fun Jezzy, you lost

caressmewell 55F

2/6/2006 4:56 pm

So, when are you opening "Trav's Road Kill Cafe"?

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
2/6/2006 5:03 pm

Are you sure it was an emu and not a kiwi? I overheard Bulge saying something about catapults and a plan to take over Texas so he could move closer ...

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.


2/6/2006 5:04 pm

lol, I was once ran over by an emu but not vice versa. p.s. I used u in my latest post, I hope it's okay, especially since I offended you with the frog bit

just a squirrel trying to get a nut

kyplowboy22 63M

2/6/2006 5:37 pm

Since it's you, I'll believe it....yup....since it's you. roflmao


rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
2/6/2006 5:40 pm

(still laughing)
I've had a Poof! Thump! Feathers...experience myself. Only mine ended with finding chicken feet sticking out from under my license plate. But the Poof! Thump! Feathers...is exactly, exactly right.

This funny story, I feel better about it. I do not anticipate any future trysts involving an emu.

Jolly good, old chap. Carry on.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

LadytoPleaseYou 65F
5447 posts
2/6/2006 5:57 pm

That would have made one helluva Thanksgiving turk...er ah....emu. Can you imagine the look in the eyes of your guests when you bring that big bird out from the kitchen on a platter (carried by four people...ahem...pall bearers so to speak) and sit it on the table??? What a feast!!!! And you can tell everyone how you "bagged" the beast yourself!
AHHHH....maybe you had better not mention that the bird was roadkill.

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?

fantasylover_05 63M

2/6/2006 6:08 pm

WOW... now taht is a new one Trav!!

I had (he passed away a few years ago) a friend that used the hood ornament as a "gun sight" and was known to put food on teh table accordingly!! LOL LOL LOL LOL

Sounds like perhaps you have the same kind of hood ornamemt?? LOL LOL

lifeisablast333 55M

2/6/2006 6:13 pm

yep, I knew you texans would BBQ just about anything, How many people would an adult Emu feed??? It's healthyier than red meat.
................The Redneck

freetime648 53F

2/6/2006 6:32 pm

"Geeeeeeeez… Who runs over an Emu?"

Uhmmm....erm......YOU DO!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, I cannot believe I have finally found another Emu killer ( I thought I was the only one...we are now capable of a support group)...although I did not find it as funny as you had when you when I hit it....I cried cause I killed the freaky bird that was so far away from his home in the first place. Outside of Wichita Falls, ..yep, I killed an Emu...

Cheers to you Trav...**hands him a shot of Tequila.....and bullocks to the bloody bird for not being where he belonged!

xx FREETIME648 xx

angelofmercy5 60F
17881 posts
2/6/2006 7:15 pm

Laughing as I write this. Only you, Trav, could run over an emu! I love the idea of Trav's Road Kill Cafe!

pinkplaytoyz 51F

2/6/2006 7:19 pm

I find this a highly emusing story!!!
Better not take you to an emusement park!!
sorry, i couldn't resist...
I once saw a guy try to "kick an emu's ass"...He always called him "Sir" after that, lol

rm_mm0206 70F
7767 posts
2/6/2006 7:22 pm

Caress, there is a "Road Kill Cafe" just north of Austin, I think in Leander...
Maybe Trav can get a job as contract labor.......<giggles>

I have only ran over (bless their little furry souls) 2 squirrels and a floppy eared rabbit.... tried to run over my ex once but he was too fast and I was seeing red..!

I guess if you live in Texas , it is an experience that you are always fearful of. Many people have been killed by cattle or deer coming through the windsheild....
Trav did you save the little feathers? we could make a boa from it!!

rm_JUSTsex4me 37F
185 posts
2/6/2006 7:44 pm

that is hilarious. bet you almost pissed your pants when it hit though.

fiery_one06 36F

2/6/2006 7:54 pm

I've had one of those moments myself but is was more like POOF THUMP FUR I hit a big ass deer with my car.The damn thing took out my windsheild but was no where to be found.

aascrompn 43M
6444 posts
2/6/2006 7:59 pm

heh... a smoking room w/ the one-legged emu. Now that would be quite interesting.

rm_impish_pixie 55F
6867 posts
2/6/2006 8:26 pm

first frogs...now emu's. What's next Trav? When do you move up to the big things. Oh...you're sick...just sick. That poor little emu's family is wondering... "Now where'd ole earl get himself off to??" SHame...such a shame.

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

DTduzDallas 51F

2/6/2006 8:34 pm


Ok...I've been from one end of 35 to the other, MANY times. There have been times I may have been slightly inebriated...not driving, mind you. At no time, EVER, have I seen, nor heard of an Emu on 35...or near 35. We're taking a road trip.

Do I doubt you? Hell no. I'm the one who impaled her foot on a toothpick and had to pull it out with pliers, ffs.

LMAO...this IS better than the lighter...

rm_DarknStar 55F
2823 posts
2/6/2006 8:44 pm

Emu...lol...I have had Poof, Thump and Feathers, but with a Canadian goose. I didnt hit him, He flew into ME. (he comitted goose suicide)

maria1959 58F

2/6/2006 9:19 pm

LMAO, that was a great story,sounds like a adventure to me. thanks for sharing!

rm_corezon 54F
3376 posts
2/6/2006 10:17 pm

LMAO Dam we have some Emu farms around here too but I never saw one in the road before...

years ago when my kids were little but still big enough peer out the window...I noticed this nice yard had a bunch of little piglets in the middle of it...they caught my attention and I didn't realise one little piglet was a whole lot closer to the road and decided to go for it...thu-dump...later that week I was coming from my grandparents' farm and heard a thu-dump...a rabbit literally jumped from the side of the road into my hubcap...thu-dump...we saw him bounce off...came out of nowhere- I swear-my kids ragged me for days that I was a terror on the road and a menace to small animals...just terrible...

womanoirish 55F

2/7/2006 12:30 am

Eeeeeewww...road kill. Although in Texas, I believe it. Once when I was a young girl, my family was driving through West Texas (I've heard it's another country somewhat related to the rest of Texas but I never went back after this experience to find out) on this lonely stretch of road and out of nowhere comes this army of tarantulas crossing the road. Big, black, hairy tarantulas. My dad kept running them over with the car and I'm screaming from the back seat, "don't stop, don't stop!" Had nightmares for years afterwards and hate tarantulas to this day. We also hit an armadillo but I've mostly blocked that memory out. True story, although I wish it weren't. In Texas, they're serious about their road kill.

p.s. no Trav, YOUR blog is too big

tillerbabe 57F

2/7/2006 12:59 am

I just don't even know what to say...


1023 posts
2/7/2006 2:25 am

Trav, you know me and that I would never purposefully cause a scene in blogland, but you have stepped over the line...

first, weren't you aware of my feelings for large flightless birds as told in my gripping tale, [post 225406].

second, being a fellow gadget man, I know you've got a picture of this road kill but didn't post it because of its grainy hue and poor cameraphone quality.

third and the most sickening thing of all this is that you said you fell asleep during Hoodwinked... tsk, tsk, Trav!

oh, and I agree with tills and her big red letters ^_^

hooks1952 65M

2/7/2006 2:58 am

Not many Emu in Alabama where I do most of my traveling but deer are everywhere and so far I can mark up two kills with my truck!


Babel__Fish 46F

2/7/2006 3:13 am

THIS one is getting linked.... OMG an EMU? *shaking head*

BTW, I wish that I would have known you when I lived in Texas Trav!! I lived in the suburbs of Dallas


fantasylover_05 63M

2/7/2006 4:33 am

Trav Old Boy...

Get a Mercedes hood ornament.... that circle with cross hairs should work great!! LMAO

duststormdiva 52F
6854 posts
2/7/2006 6:40 am

Stepping on frogs, hitting an emu with your truck, lighters exploding for no good reason. Honey, I think you are cursed. lmao. Poor little emu.


rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
2/7/2006 7:36 am

The Texas Emu Saga Continues As Told By The Emu

Hehehe...of course, this link won't be active til next week when the site updates.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

(Princess Lips)

2/7/2006 9:23 am

don't know what hitting an Emu means in the chaos theory...


southrnpeach333 52F

2/7/2006 9:34 am

You should make you some cowboy boots out of all your road kill.

slidein2meplz 63F
1994 posts
2/7/2006 10:12 am

I ran over a pigeon once. I was traumatized for years. LOL....NOT.

Stupid bird.

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~

helga_hansen 50F  
1987 posts
2/7/2006 10:28 am

There's a guy here who is just launching a road-kill recipe book. Want me to send you a copy?


Love, hugs and kisses from ♥♥HH♥♥

keithcancook 61M
18125 posts
2/7/2006 11:05 am

"Geeeeeeeez… Who runs over an Emu?

I know! I know! It's TEXANS! (They run over everything)

(Princess Lips)

2/7/2006 11:14 am

at least mine was a hit and run...

[post 228817]


Sorceror07 55M

2/7/2006 12:05 pm

trav, here's your driving selection you asked for the other day on Obscure lyrical quote of the day


i'd be happy to oblige bro! ok... forget about individual songs... lets go right for cd's... for negotiating traffic jams and highway stop 'n go traffic i always slap in Lateralus by Tool and Title of Record by Filter... there's much more too... anything by NiN, anything by Godsmack...

and to mellow you out so that you can relax before the interview AND to build confidence... download Mack the Knife by bobby darin (?, i think), then when you walk in you'll glide in like you own the place

for right after the interview...which you WILL ace... Louis Armstrong: What a Wonderful World

then play Godsmack's: I Fuckin' Hate You once you get to the entrance ramp to the highway

OK... I need a break with all the mad rushes to Napster I have to do after reading your blog.... So I need a list.... top 15 or 20 songs YOU think I should download... I have several interviews this week... Give me something to rock out to on my way Ya know, since you weren't doing anything LMAO Trav

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...

LadytoPleaseYou 65F
5447 posts
2/7/2006 1:00 pm

That is a scarey thought Trav, but what can I say? Great minds think alike.

BTW since in Texas everything is supposedly bigger and better, don't you think that the emu might have just been a Texas Prairie Chicken? Poor thing probably just escaped from a local KFC chicken farm. You don't think they get ALL that chicken from regular sized chickens do you? Of course not.

PENIS CHARMING....where are you?

rm_emeraldss 44F
25 posts
2/7/2006 1:09 pm

ahhhh poor trav....I know that you must be so distraught...But I know what you mean with myself living in south texas have seen a few emu and have been scared by the cow thing too...But omg oh how you put it left me in tears I can just imagine driving around 35 and poof there it is.. Thanks for lmao...


barbiebunny 38F
5597 posts
2/7/2006 2:19 pm

Sniff..i feel bad for the emu.

Now Im gonna send you a but plug with emu feathers and make ya wear it... poor lil emu! To die like that....from a redneck..snifff......

Its good to be...ME

norprin5 56M

2/7/2006 4:57 pm

maybe someone's already mentioned this...

...maybe you should install some kind of scoop/rake picking-dead-things-off-the-highway mechanism on the front of your rig. it'd save you from having to stop & go back all the time

King Nor XVIII

oldman1776 80M
3164 posts
2/7/2006 5:25 pm

Yup only would it happen to you.

I can here the Emu's last wordes. "Fuck its Trav the killer"

barbiebunny 38F
5597 posts
2/7/2006 11:36 pm

wonder when the elephant is next......bulge did it

Its good to be...ME

rm_Bct2Esi 52M/52F
1375 posts
2/8/2006 5:07 am

I am going to post this and then go read what the others said

Its the gods telling you "you need to cross the line" its time to go run over bigger wild life" Like here in Colorado, on MY SIDE of this great state, we have ELK or MOOSE, great eatin and you won't drive away from that hit and run

Don't sit there saying "NO" sheeeesh dear, just try it, or your next hit and run could be???? *ponders* what is the biggest animal in texas that Trav hasn't hit already?????? hahahahhahahaa

hugs, luvs and smiles

LoftyDag 57M

10/19/2006 11:50 pm

You BASTARD !!! You killed our national bird.

The next time I see a bald eagle Im gunna ......

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