The hardest post of all....  

tazzerman2000 60M
11249 posts
4/9/2006 7:34 am
The hardest post of all....

First, I'd like to thank all of my friends out here on OP. Your support, love and collective wisdom has helped me to understand a huge part of myself in more ways than I could ever imagine.

Most of you who have followed my blog and my quest know that at times, I have posted and bared a little bit of my true soul out here, especially in regards to the guilt that I've experienced.

In reality though and looking back at some of my posts now, I know for sure that I NEVER really exposed more than just the tip of the iceberg.

The guilt that I have endured over the past year was and still is consuming me from the inside out.

I started this 'quest' because of my 40+ year curiosity about men. I had originally deluded myself into thinking that if I stuck with only men, I really wasn't cheating on my wife. You know, looking back now, it's amazing to me and sad how we can rationalize things like this to ourselves, never once really looking at what we're doing honestly.

Well, yesterday morning I finally pulled the veil back and took a long hard look at myself and what I was doing. I came to the realization that first and foremost, I could not and would not continue this double life I was leading.

It was NOT fair to anybody but most importantly, it was not fair to my wife.. My soulmate, partner and best friend.

Secondly and really more importantly, I had totally broken the trust and my voes that I had with my wife. My soulmate and my best friend.

For this, I will live in shame and distrust for the remainder of my life.

Yesterday morning I told my wife everything.


Needless to say, it did NOT go well.

I've broken her heart, her trust and her love for me is now gone.

I have quite literally killed the most precious thing in my life, just as surely as if I had taken a gun and shot it.

She and I have talked at length and rightly so, she is completely broken and disgusted with me. The scene yesterday morning was not pretty.

The two of us are left now with a number of decisions to make.

I think that we are in fact going to try and put this relationship back together. Try is the key word here. I'm not sure we will EVER be able to and neither is she but I think that we are going to try.

We continue to talk and we are scheduled to see a counselor next week. My hope is that we can start the healing process and maybe, just maybe come to grips with what I have done.

I write this post for a number of reasons. First and foremost I wanted to thank all of you who have cared, who I have spent time with, who have shared your lives with me both here and in person.

I will miss this blog and all of you very very much.

Secondly, I write this blog as a warning to ALL of you who are married and cheating. Listen to what BudBama has to say (As well as many others). They ARE 100% correct.

I originally thought that I could have my cake and eat it too. Well, that's not the case guys. It does NOT work that way. Living a lie is NOT living. Cheating on your spouse or your partner is just that. Think about what you are doing to them, regardless of whether they know about it or not... Forget about yourself for a moment and think about the one(s) you love.....

I will be shutting down my profile here and on all of the other sites that I frequent shortly. I've already started cleaning out my email boxes and will be shutting those down as well.

This IS my last post.

I plan on refocusing my life and my attention on my wife and my family 100%. I will do everything possible to rebuild what I have destroyed. It will not be easy and success is not a certainty, but I have to try.

Once again, I want to thank you all for being there for me...

Good bye.....


These blogs are only fun if you LEAVE comments!!!

Please visit my blog tazzerman2000

tazzerman2000 60M
18958 posts
4/26/2006 1:03 pm

Mzhuny, this has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. No doubt. We are working through all this and it looks like we're going to stay together. I am one VERY lucky man, no doubt.

I do appreciate your concern and really love your writing, stories, questions etc. You are just such a wonderfully open and loving soul. Not to mention one VERY hot looking lady... I love every pic of you and truly enjoy your emails.. Please, send me another one. Since I'm a standard member I can't initiate and AdultFriendFinder deleted the other emails I recieved from you before I could save them.

Meanwhile, keep looking for me. I'll be around. I'm not active anymore but I really do enjoy keeping up with all the blogs both here and on OP a LOT.. I've made what I think are some pretty good friends out here and I plan on staying around for folks JUST LIKE YOU.

Besides, who knows what the future holds heh? One of these days I might just be a single guy again at which point, you'll find me knocking on your door and wanting VERY much to curl your toes for ya



These blogs are only fun if you LEAVE comments!!!

Please visit my blog tazzerman2000

Become a member to create a blog