February 22, 2006 I'm Back!  

tatomhc 43T
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2/22/2006 12:11 pm

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3/5/2006 9:27 pm

February 22, 2006 I'm Back!

I'm back!

George and I broke up. In addition to my famous indecisiveness, I'm also not one to "hold back" when I feel the need to vent.

I'm somewhat religious, being brought up Catholic. Not that I'm rabidly Catholic today, mind you. I'm sure that the Church fathers would tell me I'm going to Hell for my sin of being born the wrong sex and choosing to sleep with men. But, I digress. One of the things I've felt deeply is that I should go to Church every week if I can. I attend a Baptist Church because I like all the singing. Not that I can sing worth a darn, but I can definitely carry a tune as poorly as my fellow parishiners. Yes, the Baptists would probably tell me I'm going to Hell also. LOL.

George is a-religious. He calls himself a "born again believer in mysticism". Basically, his belief is that there is a greater being but it's not man's place to try to quantify what that greater being is. His major belief is that you should live your life and treat others the way you want others to treat you. Examples of this are that he holds the door for EVERYONE, says hello to homeless people, returns money to cashiers when they give him too much change, and says "pardon me" if he accidently bumps into you. But, with all these fine qualities, he considers any organized religion, except Quakers/Friends, to be childish.

Last weekend we "got into it" on Sunday morning when I decided I'd like to go to Church. I haven't been since January, and just felt the need to go. George wasn't particularly supportive of the decision, and told me I should leap up during a quiet period and ask for the congregation's forgiveness for deceiving them into thinking I was a genetic female.I know why he said it, but it still hurt. I went to Church, but my heart wasn't in it.

When I got back to his house, he was apologetic for the remark. But, I was saddened that he was sooooo perfect in every other way and then had to ruin it all with one ridiculous remark. I broke up with him Sunday afternoon. On Monday, I went over and picked up my cell phone charger, which was in his home office. We got into it again.

Ok, so I'm NOT a genetic female. But, I'm more "feminine" than many genetic females. Yes, I still have male plumbing. But, in my heart, I'm a woman. When I walk down the street, I'm a woman. When I use the ladies room, I'm a woman. George, having had four TG wives over 20+ years, knows that many people suddenly become intolerant of TG's when they "reveal themselves". It's like they're angry for being deceived. But, am I really deceiving anyone by looking and acting female, when, in my heart and brain, I am? I don't think so. George doesn't think so, either. But, he doesn't think I need to "blend in" either. I think I need to "pass" as a condition of my condition. I try REALLY REALLY hard to do so. George thinks I try too hard. If someone figures it out, it's no problem for him, even if we're kissing in public when they figure it out. I, on the other hand, would be mortified to be "outed" like that. This, ultimately, is the crux of the disconnect between George and I. Maybe, just maybe, had we been together longer, I would have developed the confidence that George expected that I'd have by now. Yes, I'm indecisive. And part of the reason I'm indecisive is that I lack confidence. I lack confidence because I'm afraid of being outed. I wasn't born a woman, I made myself a woman. George understands, perhaps too well. Until I get over the fear of being outed, I'm not a good partner for him.

So, I'm back.

And now another story about George that I just wanted to impart. Every time I think fondly of George, I think of this episode.

I was staying over his house for the weekend and needed to do some work. My laptop was broken, so he let me use his home computer I was using the computer on and off over the course of a few hours, printing my work and editing with a felt tip pen and then going back to the computer to make the changes. I used the "Start_Documents" feature to come back to my work. When I was making my last round of edits, I looked at the other documents listed. One of them was called something like "MyFavoritePicture". So, intrigued, I clicked on it to see what his favorite picture was. I was shocked when the picture came up. George's favorite picture was one he took of me! My heart melted right away.

I recognized the program displaying the picture as ACDsee, so I clicked "next" to see what other pictures he might have had of me and how they came out. There was only one other picture in the folder, and it wasn't me. It was a picture of George, much younger, his face covered in come. Next to him was a white TG, who was his ex Becky. She had the tiniest little penis! The other person, in front of George, posessed the largest penis I had ever seen. Sort of cappucino colored, it had to have been 3" across the head and 10"+ long. George was licking come off the end of it with his tongue in the picture. It didn't surprise me that George would have such a picture. He is orally fixated and told me, many times, that my equipment was the "perfect size" (not too big, not too small) and my come is "like a narcotic" that he couldn't get enough of. He also said that sucking on my penis was his all-time favorite sexual activity. Perhaps needless to say, I found the picture to be so exciting that I had to immediately go get George to perform his all-time favorite sexual activity.

Later, George showed me another picture of the massive penis, attached to a most attractive black TG who, it turns out, was his second wife and now a medical doctor living in San Francisco. George admitted that sex with her was difficult and painful. Difficult because she was so large that oral sex was limited to just the head of her penis. Painful because she liked to occasionally penetrate George, which often left him searching for preparation-h to nub the pain for the next few days. I promised George that I wouldn't suddenly decide to perform such a "manly" act on him and then peformed my favorite activity with him, after getting some lubricant, and cleaning a space off the desk so I could bend over it, of course.

George told me that he had gotten rid of 99% of the pictures he had of his ex wives and girlfriends because the pictures were preventing him from moving on. He kept only a few, which he showed me, to remind him of them. Except for the two previously mentioned, all the other pics were "G" rated. His first TG wife looked like Alicia Lane and was a real head turner. His fourth wife was a kind of tough looking black TG. Not unfeminine, but looked like a sista from the 'hood. The girlfriends were all dark haired, asian, hispanic, or black. Becky was the only blonde. Most were very attractive, the others "cute". George, apparently, never had a problem finding dates when he was younger.

In summary:

Things I loved about George:
Experienced with TG's, Charming, Very Intelligent, Witty, Funny, Polite, Honest, his ability to make me feel like I was special every day I was with him, his high level of energy, his very cool house, the taste of his come, and great sex.

Things I didn't love about George:
He was older than I would have liked and his aforementioned belief that I should be more confident.

George is one heck of a catch for some lucky TG, but not me. I think we might remain friends, but the dating and sex (unfortunately) are done.


Remember, "Stay Articulated!"

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