The weekend so far...  

tampafem 45F
1941 posts
7/2/2006 7:28 am

Last Read:
5/8/2012 7:27 pm

The weekend so far...

Has been amazing. Right now it's quiet here. Austin and John are still snoozing There is something so wonderful about being up before John and hearing the sound of him snoring and walking by the bedroom, peeking in and watching him sleep for a moment.

I can't stop saying how glad I am that he's here.

Friday night was wonderful seeing my TASA family again. I'm bad with names. But it was great seeing people again and meeting new friends. That was a very special night for me in a lot of ways and I'm still sort of reeling from it.

No I wasn't *that* bad of a girl at PP, aside from teasing the hell out of d_c_guy all night and well, I got what I deserved later LOL

I did have the nipple clamps on that he bought me but by the time we got to PP then I had to take them off. Didn't realize that one of the rubber coverings had come off of one of the clamps so I had nothing between me and solid metal teeth. OUCH! Although that's not going to stop me wearing them again sometime. We just know now to put them on BEFORE we walk into PP not an hour before oops. Damned novices

I did have a truly amazing night though. I was surrounded by friends and I felt really special and loved. So thank you TASA family for always making me feel at home.

I've been on and off AdultFriendFinder for a number of years now but have never really "used" it until the last 6 months or so. This for me is a big stepping stone. For me sex has kind of always been this taboo thing. Just the way I was raised. I'm the black sheep of the family and have often been called a "slut" and "whore" by my own mother. I have now learned to embrace these words and be proud of them because I'm learning how to be more comfortable in my sexuality.

I've rarely had "good" sexual experiences and in my life have had 2 really good partners. I will say though that being with d_c_guy has been the best so far. I'd never experienced intimacy until I met him. I didn't know it was ok to lounge around in bed before, during and after sex. I didn't feel the need to race off to the shower afterwards because I felt "dirty". Even having had a few other partners in the last few years I don't feel the need to do that. I have learned that the best sound during sex is the sound of laughter. Sex is supposed to be fun, it's not a job. When someone laughs it means they are happy. When I can laugh with a partner in bed (and out of bed as well) I know the experience is a good one.

In addition to learning how to embrace my sexuality I'm learning how to be me. By that I mean not conforming to other people's images of me. It's taken a long time to really become comfortable with who I am on the inside. But I'm not afraid (too much) to show it anymore. To those of you in my life thank you for allowing me to be me. I struggle daily with this and it's hard to allow myself to be open and vulnerable to the people around me. I do find however the more I practice it the easier it becomes, and the more I give to someone the more I get back as well. The next step for me is trying to work on body image. This is not an easy thing to admit but I feel like I'm in a safe place here. But I've had an eating disorder since I was 16. For me it's not about how my body looks. It's a control issue. When chaos strikes and my world is out of control the only thing I know I can control is eating. So I stop for however long it is until everything feels right again. I finally confessed this to d_c_guy about a year ago. He is loving and supportive and doesn't push. Since then I started myself down a path to try and stop destroying myself. It's hard. But I can proudly say that the last 6 months I've done very well. I gained 5 lbs about 3-4 months ago and I'm still hanging onto them. Now the goal is to gain 15 more lbs. It's tough. But I'm learning that I'm tougher.

I felt REALLY self conscious wearing the outfit I did to PP. One I worry was that "Do I really have the body to pull this off?" the other side of the coin was "OMG I can't wear this I'm a walking skeleton". But seeing the way d_c_guy's eyes lit up in love and lust when he saw me in it, I knew it was perfect. (Although I admit that wearing nothing underneath it felt odd, like I was walking around naked all night LOL!)

Today is an absolutely beautiful day. We are going to see Superman in 3D at the IMAX. I need to call a few friends and see what their plans are for the 4th and if they are interested in joining us at Celebration.

I know there are probably people out there who are going to give me crap about being so open about myself on this blog. Do I really care? No. Because obviously if I did I wouldn't have posted it. I'm a writer by nature, I used to write a lot of poetry/short stories when I was younger. I'm a Libra, I'm creative. Am I doing it to get attention? No, I get plenty of that from the people around me that love me. But I always live in the hope that someday something I write will reach out to someone and touch them in a special way.

Love me or hate me. This is who I am...


AltumHunksUnite 54M

7/2/2006 9:20 pm

Thanks for putting up with my slurred conversations on Friday night.

Let me drive. I like the view


LookandWink 64M

7/2/2006 9:51 pm

Thanks for sharing a peak of your soul. Though we haven't met yet, I admire your newfound strength and determination to succeed. Best wishes!


rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
585 posts
7/3/2006 10:37 pm

since I wasnt there, I am assuming you had d_c_guy watch your back for you, or was he too busy watching your front

Hope you are well...

Scott

(you realy wore nothing under your outfit?? Mydear I do believe you are coming out of your shell...and I am sorry I missed it...lol)

"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi


JuicyBBW1001 56F

7/4/2006 10:44 am

I am glad to see your coming alive. Sex is meant to be intimate and fun too.

Juicy


rm_Kingcat4U2 66M
2799 posts
7/4/2006 3:32 pm

Congratulations! You've taken one of the hardest steps there is, to face your fears and take positive action to create the life you want for yourself. It is simply something most people have a hard time doing. You will reap the rewards of increased self esteem and self confidence.
No doubt you will have your struggles and down days. But you'll handle them much more easily, and you will be a happier person. So keep up the good fight, give your booster a big hug, and don't look back!


gent4u813 63M

7/6/2006 10:23 am

A very thoughtful, sharing and open post. Self discovery is fantastic!


NoLongerHere 56M

7/20/2006 7:49 pm

This is a beautiful post, babe. I love you *long, slow kiss*


Become a member to create a blog