spunky11961 57M
37213 posts
6/20/2006 9:09 pm

My mind is full of images I can't erase,No matter how hard I try!
"SUICIDE is painless" I only fucked it up
Drugs and alchol only numbed it,it was always there....Cutting never worked neither....
I've been viewin' some posts that have brought so much back,it was never gone,now It's Back!
I posted recentlyClouds From Within My Mindabout this but couldn't let it out,Then I read letstryit4fun My Childhood,and it hit home farther! A comment on my post by sweetpickles set this in motion,I read her post Hold MeAnd now I know that this is the time,I gotta let it out!
so here this shit is!
It first happened when I was four,It was my fuckin' birthday!My uncle was on leave from his first tour in 'Nam!He was everyone's favorite uncle and so my parents let him take me for a ride.He had this new sportscar,so his excuse wasn't lame..But OH GOD he really took me for a ride!
I tried to tell my mom,but she didn't understand!Her brother couldn't do somethin' like that!
I was only four how the hell could I explain? I didn't even understand what had happened!
Then one day he come home,He finished his third tour and moved in with family,I wasn't the only one that he took for that ride....
When cousin's complained,They always explained,"He wouldn't do that he's our brother,besides the war's changed him,You just don't understand"
The abuse and the"rides" continued,And some came around,they turned against him But My folks didn't
He taught my cousin's well and soon I felt that I had a target on my back!But still no one heard me,and when I woke screamin' in the night...
They told ,its not true yer havin' a bad dream!
bad fuckin dream was right! But I was fuckin' livin'It...To this day I am livin' it!
Then came his brother...And that's a whole other story...And I'm just not quite up to sharin' to much more.....YET!
This families disfunctional,That I can accept..
But why the fuck me!I understand that it was the sixties and this shit was unknown,But Why didn't they hear us when we clearly were in so much pain
Now my family sees me as the Black sheep andI Just have ta laugh! Ya'll made me this way accept me as I am!Ya'll accepted them,and they were kin!
yeah I've got some demons and they won't go away,But I've come to terms with somethings,But this shit No!
My friends in real time just laugh when someone suggests a birthday party for me!They know only the results but not the reasons,Throw me one and you're lucky if I only just spit in your face!
I don't do my birthday anymore,Not since the age of four.........................................


ohsodelicious 58F
1922 posts
6/27/2006 12:21 am

spunky...I am so sorry for the pain that little boy suffered!! And the excuses that were made at your expense...by the people who should have been there to protect you...no matter what!!

Soothing Hugs...OhSo

spunky11961 replies on 6/27/2006 3:39 am:
Welcome! And thanx for the kind comment!Thanx for the hugs also Ohso'You are always welcome here anytime!

wants2cyber 44F

6/22/2006 8:29 pm

You should choose this day as your new birthday, as it is definitely a new beginning. I admire your courage, your resolve to get *this* out. Stay this strong!

JuicyBBW1001 56F

6/21/2006 5:22 pm



sexyariesgirl 58F

6/21/2006 4:14 pm

Spunky....My heart goes out to you darlin. So many of us here are victims. Victims of abuse, molestation...so many violations of our childhood and in some cases our adulthood. But I agree with woofff...HERE you can share. HERE you can let all the poison out. The more you tell your story the less it can hurt you. Every time you tell a part of it, a little more of the poison is gotten rid of. No, our parents...the ones who are our protectors...don't always react as they should...and that hurts. But we have to rid outselves of the demons in order to LIVE. My thoughts are with you darlin....HUGGS.

Power To FOK

maverick1255 52M
3953 posts
6/21/2006 3:07 pm

(stunned and flushed) I am very sorry that this happened to you and that your parents could not handle it properly.......

Children are so often the victims. This needs to be recognized and put a stop to RIGHT AWAY!! No question!

I am sorry.


woofff 42F

6/21/2006 7:48 am

Dear Spunky

I don't even know why I'm crying except for a vague thought that I want to give you a hug when you are shaking with memories. I had no idea that you were holding this damage inside of you...you and I don't know each other - as people in the Real World will scoff - and perhaps they are even right in a technical sense of the word 'know'.

I feel I do know you now.
I feel your anger
I feel your need to speak up.

I'l just say this to you, man. Take it from someone (me) who has taken courage to set her private demons free, its liberating to break down amongst friends here. I can't say that about the much touted Real World... no one I know in it would ever speak up with the desperation that I felt in me as I spoke up about myself. Who wants to be exposed?

But I say expose yourself here. I say to you that on this blog site, there are many,many good souls who will help you make it all the way through every step of the way.

And I shall be the first in line. Please don't think are unheard. You not only are heard - you are responded to as well. I hope you heal sometime real soon.


Sweetpickles69 48F

6/21/2006 7:45 am

I hope it helped to let some of it out! That's the beginning! It's not an easy road, but you need to get it out to get over it & on with your life. The memories will never leave you, but you can control them, instead of letting them control you! My parents found out once, caught me & a neighbor boy9I was age 7 by then), but spanked my ass til blisters formed. After that I could never talk to my mom about sex. When I told a counselor about this(after I tried to OD at age 30), she helped me realize the molestation was abuse, & I wasn't to blame. Here's a HUG!


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