a-It's a different wooorld, than where ya comin, from!!  

sooolongsuckers 42M
831 posts
8/11/2006 1:06 pm

Last Read:
8/23/2006 12:27 pm

a-It's a different wooorld, than where ya comin, from!!

I sent the following Email to someone a few days ago, and then decided it would make a good blog post, and now seems to be the right time to post it!

> Thanks Lynn. I'm pretty sure things will get better for me next month. This whole livin on the street thing is more somethin I just wanted to experience for my own personal spiritual understanding of life, rather then a lack of resources. Although, I wasn't countin on breaking my leg (rock climbin by the way) and not being able to work. My leg is getting alot better, and I'm not sure when I'll be able to work again, but my regular job starts back in september, which isn't alot of hours but a good hourly rate and it usually gives me enough to take care of things. Hopefully my leg will be better by than, but either way I should be able to at least have a place to live by then. It's never been a problem for me to find a place ever before, however...

I have learned something about living on the streets which has made the whole experience worthwhile. Before you ever live on the streets, you always see other people who are living on the street and you don't really understand. You just think why not go find work or at least a place to work or a least a place to live. You just assume that these people are overly lazy and it would never happen to you, because if it did you'de just go find a place. When I first came onto the streets I was happy and optimistic about life. I just looked at it as this adventure! An experience, not a direction in life. It was like camping, and I'd be back to my regular lifestyle soon enough. But what I came to understand is the mindset which can develop in homeless people which most people are blind to. Some of these people I have met who are now homeless and destitute once had successful lives, businesses, marriages, etc.

What happens to them when they first go onto the street and which I am now fighting against, is that when they get to that point they face a strong stigma from society which causes them to develop a "I don't care about anything attitude"
There have already been several occasions where I have been told I couldn't come into the bar because they said I was too drunk, when I hadn't had anything to drink at all! I mean I got the whole homeless guy look goin on and everything right now, the long hair, the beard, the shabby clothes, and often well to do people will take one look at me and send me elsewhere. Several weeks back, I made a cardboard sign that read, "Make ten bucks quick! Photo from digital cameRA WANTED" and I just walked up to everyone on the street and asked people if they would take the time for one click of the camera and I'd give them ten bucks. I just wanted to see what people would do more than anything. Usually people around here with cardboard signs, have their signs say somethin about asking for spare change or food! We're kind of a haven for homeless people around here, so people tend to get cold to it. I just wanted to see if anyone would actually read the sign and make a quick ten bucks! Lynn, I asked probably about fifty people and everyone would shake their head right away. I'd tell them it was the easiset ten bucks they ever made. All they had to do was take a picture, and it was as though people couldn't even hear me. They'de take one look at my attire, and want no part of it, despite the fact that all I was gonna do was give them money.

At one point, I even walked into a photography store! A legitimate business who earns it's profits from doing the very thing I was seeking, and I swear to god, even they sent me out of the store before I could even open my mouth! I started to explain but they wouldn't hear it! It was crazy! There's just something about the look of a poorly groomed person holding a cardboard sign that makes people refuse to care anything they have to say at all! It's hard to believe it's real until your there.

And when you are there, and society sees you the way they do, talking to prospective landlords becomes harder as your attitude toward society regrettably grows more hostile.

When I last talked to a landlord, I tried to talk to a landlord, I tried to talk her the same way I would have under any other circumstances, but it just wasn't the same. I tried to sound cheerful and optimistic, but it was almost as though I was faking, and she could see right through it! I knew I wasn't going to get the place! I'm going to have to really be stronger thsan I thought to pull out of this now, but at least I have a better understanding of how people end up homeless and are unable to get themselves back ontheir feet! I have an advantage over many of them in that I do not have a drug or alcohol problem, but anyone can become suceptible to that as well, once apathy towards life is generated. Ican understand now, how a person can spiral downward to the point where a simple thing like finding a place to live can become a hopelessly bleak prospect!

Everyone blames the homeless person for their situation, but in many ways, the attitudes of people toward the homeless are just as responsible for them being where they are at!

If people saw them the way they saw everyone else, and realized they could be as capable as anyone else, they could lift they're spirits and help them get on their feet. If landlords and employers were less concerned about where they are coming from, and more about where they are going, and the qualities of the person, so many live could change for the better.

However, society just isn't that way for the most part. People who have nothing are often looked at as worthless, no matter how good of people, or how intelligent they are. To a large extent, our society judges us by our wealth, not our attributes.

I guess it's kind of a cycle which can destroy people, and although everyone is responsible for their own life, society in general can send some people so far down the gutter, that they refuse to TAKE responsibilty for their own life. They adapt to the pain of their circumstances, and learn to enjoy their life within their means, with no real desire to be a part of the society which helped bring about their demise. It becomes a way of life. Something they come to accept, and have no desire to change.

Only THEY understand who they are, and everyone else just sees a homeless person.

It's been interesting, and I hope you don't mind if I post this as a blogpost, since I think people could stand to hear it, but I think I have to pull myself out of this now, and get back to the things I want out of life.

As long as I don't lose sight of it that is, which has begun to happen on occasion. I'm aware of it though, and have every desire to turn this around, and am not worried about much! It's kind of a tough spot right now, with the Daisy Earthshaker scenario, combined with all the discrimination I've gotten on AdultFriendFinder, and the lack of nearly every aspect of life beyond survival, all together has at times made me just think, "Who cares!"
"Who cares about anything!"
I'm not really upset about anything, I simply don't care!

Why work so hard to be an entertainer and try to put a positive message to the world, when no one will hear it anyways, and other apathetic or pessimistic attitudes like "Why bother doing anything, when I ultimately am just gonna die anyways" and "who cares about love or people or any thing" just simply "who cares?" and it seems to make perfecty sense at times, and seems life a viable course of life and I'm able to stay happy, despite these attitudes, which is the ultimate end anyways.

It sounds horribly bleak to those who see it the other way, but I would just tend to think, "Who cares what they think, they just don't see it my way"

However, I have spend most of my life as a highly ambitious person with big goals and dreams, and it's not likely that that side of myself will be defeated by my other personality trait.

Just gotta get a place to live for now, and keep goin up from there, although I never realized how hard it actually would be, but I'm kinda glad I do now.

Anyways, thanks for writing.

I'm ridiculously optimistic as always.

Liv.----------------------------------------------
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sooolongsuckers 42M

8/12/2006 11:43 am

Tell me about it! I mean was aware that people will join together in masses and violently protest you to the end, no matter what it is you try to do, long before they even know what you're doing, but I just never realized it was that bad...


sooolongsuckers 42M

8/15/2006 10:28 am

Remember what you said here when you read the next post I do about you. I got a feelin alot of people are gonna take me wrong, but just remember what you said here. Providing people wait on me, and don't go all abuse team happy, where we are goin should be better than where we are from. Anyways, since the post will mention you, and no one else, there shouldn't be any reason for anyone else to report abuse, but you know how people can be. They jump to the abuse button the second something looks like abuse. I'm gonna git ya, Mzhunyhole! Heh! HEh! Anyways, I know you know me better, so just rememember what you said.


sooolongsuckers 42M

8/15/2006 10:30 am

Remember what you said here when you read the next post I do about you, sometime this week. I got a feelin alot of people are gonna take me wrong, but just remember what you said here. Providing people wait on me, and don't go all abuse team happy, where we are goin should be better than where we are from. Anyways, since the post will mention you, and no one else, there shouldn't be any reason for anyone else to report abuse, but you know how people can be. They jump to the abuse button the second something looks like abuse. I'm gonna git ya, Mzhunyhole! Heh! HEh! Anyways, I know you know me better, so just rememember what you said, and wait it out! You'll just have to trust me on this one.


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