A Smile from a Stranger!!  

sooolongsuckers 42M
831 posts
9/9/2006 10:24 am

Last Read:
9/18/2006 12:10 pm

A Smile from a Stranger!!

Ida Killed HER!! I swear ta God, Ida killed her!! Ida beaten her into a fine red paste with my crutch!!

But theeeeen I rememebered how hard it is to stop hittin someone with your crutch once ya start, and the line up was long enough as it is, so...

(continued in comment...)

sooolongsuckers 42M

9/9/2006 10:40 am

Instead I just yelled at her for a while, while she stood there giving me a dumb look.

Perhaps I should back this story up. Last night wasn't one of my typical good nights. So far, sleeping outside, aside from that cold night without a blanket last week, has been an enjoyable experience.

I lay on my back at night, look up at the stars and ponder life for a while, and I've never felt so alive and free.

I realI dont need much to be happy, and truly understood that happiness comes from within, and found myself at a real fulfilled point in my life.

Livin on the streets is nothin, I thought.

But see, Im still kinda new at this, and so far there has not been a single night of rain in my whole time homeless, aside from, well the occasional drizzle.

When it started to rain last night, I thought that it would only be just that. A brief little drizzle. As it started to gently come down, I just pulled my nice dry blanket over my head, and snugly waited for the drizzle pass.

(Im limited on time here, Im gonna have ta cut this short! I promise I'll finish this tomorrow)

sooolongsuckers 42M

9/9/2006 2:23 pm

Okay. I got another hour here. So Ill continue now. AAAAAAANYways, here I am lyning under by blanket, on this little plastic bubblewrap foamy about as wide as me, and Im layin there...an d Im happyyyyy, just sittin there snugglin with myself allhappy. Soon the rain seemed to start getting harder, but I thought, aah no biggy. I'm sure the rain'll pass before it soaks through my blanket. As the rain kept comin down hard and steady I was still relatively dry, but I was startin to slowly get pissed off that the rain just kept goin. I'm like why isnt this rain stopping here. I knew my blaket ouldn't take much more of this, and it was already startin to feel cold under there. CMON STOP ALREADY!! I started to yell to GOD!

Thats when God went, heh heh heh, and the already hard rainfall suddenly got more hard. Then it happened. Astream of water broke threw the blanket, and it wouldn't be long before was drippin through the blanket onto my then dry clothes. water began to roll under neath me from the sides. And it just kept comin. I figured, if the rain would just stop now, I could still have a relatively good nights sleep, but it just coming and coming. I never realized rain lasted that long, and thats went I really blew up at GOD!
I lyed there and cussed until basically everything that I could touch was entirely wet, and couldn't get any wetter. Thats when I said FUCK THIS, I aint gonna be able to sleep like this. So I got up and started walkin down the dark wet street, although I didn't really know where I was goin. For a little while I thought about all those people who are lying in their cozy dry beds, and I was like AAAAW that must be heaven!!

But I soon realized that wasn't the best thing to be thinking about. Also I forgot to mention, I can walk now, but only slowly, with a strong limp, and not for very far. On topof all this other shit, I think I walked on it more than I should have the day before, and for whatever reaon, my leg was hurtin like a son of abitch. For a little while I swore at the top of my lungs as I hobbled with my crutches down the street, then I had an idea.

I figured, I would imagine myself slowly being put feetfirst through a meatgrinder, and then I focused on my current physical senses. Thats when it hit me! This is Fuckin Nothin!! and I just laughed. Suddenly I was in a good mood again, and I was spurtin out nonsense phrases in my voice, as I came up to the awning of a nearby mall, and proceeded to pull cigareete butts out of my pouch, and then some rollies, and began to roll a cigarrette. My pouch is leather, and to my singin in the rain worthy joy, my papers were dry. I hummed away, at the joy of sittin back and havin a relaxin ciggie under the dry awning. However my hair was dripping so much, and my hands were so wet, that my ciggarrette turned too mush before I could light it.

Again I began screaming FUCK!!! at the top of my lungs as I walked along side the mall to find more cig butts. As I started to feel cold discomfort and notice the pain in my leg again, I again envisioned my self goin through the meatgrinder, and again I noticed how minor my discomfort was. I also got to thinkin, its a good thing my dad was a marine, because the way I was raised, which alot of people may not have related to, and which served not much use in our cushy society, suddenly seemed to come in handy. At this time I was so glad I wasn't raised by some one like Gordy or someone like that. Anyways, forget him for now.

I eventually found more butts, and got to the point where I had been dry for long enough that I was able to roll a reasonably dry cigarette. However, when I went to light it, my lighter, which was full of fuel wouldn't light no matter how hard I tried or how much I blew on it. That's when I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK!!!

Now I had ta hobble to the frickin Gas station to get matches. As I hobbled away with my leg in pain, in the cold much lighter now rain, the frustration of not having a ciggarrete when I needed most, added to my discomfort. Again, I just thoooought of the meatgrinder, and noticed how easy this was to handle. Kinda even felt a little good ta go through.

Then I got to the gas station and all I had in my pocket was exactly one nickel, which would normally be the exact price of a pack of matches in my country, but for whatever reason...for whateeeeever reason!! THIS GAS STATION CHARGED TWENTY FIVE CENTS!!!!

AAAH! I say. But thank goodness you can always depend on the kindness of strangers, because sensing the fact that I looked like someone who was about to blow the place up, the gas station attendant just gave me the matches and said, dont worry about it.

Heck, this scenarion may have even been God, givin in and havin mercy on me, since the matches I got were the kind ya get in a box; the wooden ones, which are probably better to carry in this weather, anyhow.

Ya know what?

I got ta have my smoke. But it gets better. Okay, I know I aint gonna impress many ladies with what Im about to say, but fuck it, who cares! Last week, I tried my first food out of a garbage can. I never thought Id do that. It always seemed kinda gross, but when its late at night and yur starvin, and ya got nowhere to go, ya suddenly start to justify the idea. Ya look at these garbages and ya realize, theyre changed everyday, and the place is still open, so any garbage on the top has gotta be pretty recent.

Ya go through them just ta see if maybe ya find somethin already wrapped, that someone threw out, just cause they dont want it or whatever. It was frustrating for a bit, but finally I came across a pizza box that had some crusts in it.

You might think that eating them sounds gross, since I got it outta the garbage, but Im tellin ya. Those were the best tasting goddamn pizza crusts I ever ate.

Anyways, back to last night. Once you've tried somethin once it usually becomes easier to try it the second time. Its like the first time ya roll cigarette butts. After a while ya dont even think twice. So whatever, hear I am once again lookin for food, and again its a little frustrating. I mean Id had a smoke now, so it wasn't all bad, and I always had the meatgrinder, remember.

Anyways, I wasn't really expecting to find much in the way of food this time, but almost as though they had been put there by god himself, I looked into the ashtray, and couldn't believe my eyes. There in the ashtray, perfectly concealed in glad sandwhich bags, were two perfectly good and fresh egg salad sandwiches.

I began to shout a few whoo hooos, as I bit into the soft moist fresh sandwiches. Now THESE were good Im tellin ya.

I began to look around the parking lot cause I thought, maybe someone put them there, just for me, out of sympathy or somethin stupid like that.

It just seemed kinda wierd that someone would just wrap two perfectly good sandwiches and left them there.

Aside form that there have been several occasions already where complete strangers have given me money. Once a lady drove up and gave me twenty bucks, saying she saw me tryna whell up a hill with all my stuff in a wheelchair, and thought I could use some help. Another time, a lady gave me ten bucks. Ive even been given change by panhandlers. Lets see what else. Oh yeah. This girl bought me a free breakfast at mcdonalds. I never asked any of these people for any of this. I actually felt guilty for taking any of it, since its my problem, not theirs. But I wasnt gonna turn it down, either. Its kinda a confusing feeling. Its like ya wanna thank them cause theri so kind but at the same time ya didnt really want to take any thing from them in the first place. Your not mad at them or anything, ya just dont really know what ta do. Ive tried panhandling once in my life, and its just not somethin Im able to do; ask for money for doing absolutely nothin. It just doesnt feel right to me.

Whatever, forgive the tangent. Point is, by some kinda miracle I was sittin there stuffin my face with two of the tastiest sandwiches I ever ate. And It seemed as though the nightmare was over..(adam sandler voice) MAYBE IT WAS JUST THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM!!!

So Id eaten, had a cigarrette, and the rain had now stopped, and life was worth singin about again. Oh yeah at one point, in between here I tried to sleep under a bank awning where it wa dry, but just found it too cold to lie there and try to sleep without a blanket. Okay back to the present.

So Im walking away singin into the dry night with a full belly and relaxed nerves, and I think to myself, I bet I could fall asleep under that wet blanket. I really had the meat grinder thing workin for me by this point.

So I finally hobble my way back to my little sleepin dugout, thinkin about how it would be best to shake the blanket instead of ringing it out, since if I rung it out Id only soak the inside of the cloth.

So thats what I did when I got there. The balanket was a little wetter than I had realized, but I just thought.. aah fuck it meatgrinder..and promptly climbed under the wet blanket to try ta sleep. I was soaked everywhere, and the rain was cold, but I just told myself it was better then the bank awning where I had no blanket. Plus I dont like people to drive by and stare at me when Im sleeping.

I also told myself that my body heat would warm me up soon enough anyways, and at least it had stopped raining. As I lay cold under the blanket, patiently waiting for the rain to stop, it would only be moments before suddenly I could feel drops hitting my blanket and beginning to steadily increase rate. Then Im like Oh MY FUCKING GOD!! Since when does it rain twice!! It just fuckin rained GOD!! Weve already been through this!!

I honestly cant rememebr anytime in my life when it rained twice consecutively like that. I always thought that it rains once and then its done. But Im used to bein inside.

Anyways here I am, layin in the rain, waitin for the rain to stop, and fortunately, the rain didn't last as long this time, but still..I mean FUCK! Wassup wit dat?

Im pretty sure I eventually fell asleep, although it couldnt have been for long if I did. Either way the worst part of it all came in the morning. when I woke up. I mean I was cold the night before and stuff, but it was bearable. I had ways to handle mild discomfort such as this.

But when I woke up this morning I was soaked and so cold I could barely move, except for the occasional epileptic like shiver. It sucked to move my legs, cause I have baggy pants, and when I bend my leg the denim feels really cold on the skin.

So Im sure I looked like a total zombie when I was walking down the street, cause I could feel the dead expression on my face as my bodies involuntary movements. I also felt sick in the stomach.
Suddenly the meatgrinder was lookin pretty good right about now.

So I kinda very slowly hobble to mcdonalds and Im probably very much resembling a retard at this point. I finally get in the doors and my first thought is too sit down. Ichoose a seat out of view from the counter so as to not get kicked out for loitering or whatever.

I sat there motionless for a few minutes, and then...it happened!

This lady walks up to me and says, Are you allright?

And Im like, Im fine. I kinda slept in a puddle last night?

Then shes like, Were you high?

Im like, no I dont do drugs!

She gives me this stare of disbelief, before saying well you must have been on somethin, cause you didnt need to sleep in a puddle.

I kinda respond in a tone of obviousness, well not literally, I was..

She goes on, You could have slept under an awning or anything.

I kinda started to explain, and then she just walked off nodding her head as though she had me all summed up, and then I JUST LOST IT!! I started cussin at her from where I was sittin as she walked up to the counter. Unsatisfied with calling her a fat bitch without seein her expression, I got up and walked over to the counter, and cussed at her from the bottom of my heart some more until I ended with, THANKS FOR ASKIN!! I hope youre alright too!! She just stood there looking at me with the stupidest look on her face as though she didnt know what to say. I didnt cuss at her long or nothing just, enough to get my point across. As I walked into the bathroom I still wasnt satisfied, and I began to plot revenge. When I got in there I noticed the hand dryers, and I was like awwwww. I pulled my jacket off, and held it under the blow dryer, while occasionally feeling the ecstacy of the hot air on my cold arms. While I was drying myself I continued to plot revenge, until I felt my camera in my pocket, and had an idea. ID take her picture, and post it in this blog. I figured Id do it more to freak the shit outta her than anything else. Id just walk up and give her a cold prison eyed stare and say, SAY CHEESE! and then walk off. Of course, I was aware that if I did that, the police would soon be huntin me down, given the pleasant exchange that had preceded. Thats what stopped me more than any moral conscience. I mean when someone comes along and starts givin ya a hard time for not havin a nice place to sleep, it kinda reaches a pretty deep anger nerve. I wanted to get her back bad!
I had eventually made up my mind that I would take the picture anyways, and then just take my chances with the police.
And Im no criminal here. If I did meet up with the police, Id calmly explain what she said to me, and assure him I had no plans of keepin her picture for any evil purpose. Which I didn't, other that to show her up for what she brought on herself.
Id just explain the situation. Im sure theres no law against takin someones picture.
Anyways, the more I planned to go out and take her picture, the more I couldnt resist the hot air coming out of the handdryer, and when I got out there, she was gone.

I soon calmed down from my state of murderous rage, and was once again hobbbling down the street. I still stewed about her as I walked however.

And as I continued to walk down the street, somethin else happened. I walked by this older woman, maybe sixty, who just gave me the nicest pleasant smile as she walked by. It felt so good to smile back, as It seems I never get that chance anymore. HEr smile really seemed to come from a warm place. It was almost like my mood instantly shifted after the smile exchange. Suddenly I rememebred the world isnt such a bad place again. It was almost like the sky shifted.

I was in a good mood again. I walked into an A&W restaurant in a good mood, and there were all these old farts in there havin their mornin coffee. They seemed like the kinda guys youde see in a quaker oatmeal commercial. I asked a couple at one table if they had a light, and then a couple more at another table. I asked every single one of them and not one of them had a light, which created a brief exchange of words and exchange of chuckles, as I headed out the door still in a good mood.

Th next thing I knwe I was sitting in a large gymnasium of a church, who was giving its free saturday breakfast. As I looked around at everyone, I thought about how amazing it is that this whole room was filled with aaall these people who were able to stay alive, soley outta the kindness of peoples hearts. It was somewhat humbling. But when I thought back to the lady who smiled at me on the street, Id get all emotional. On so many occasions this morning, tears came to my eyes.

I dont even know if I can remember what she looked like now. All I know, is that she completley made a difference in my day. MAybe it was simply the exchange that did it more than anything. She gave me a REASON to smile, which it doesnt seem many people care to do these days.

On my way to the church, this guy in his twenties or so seemed to look up at me and stare for a while, and I smiled at him, and he just looked away coldy without reciprocating any smile. Then I was like Oh yeah. Back to this again. It always bugged me how people would look at you friendly as they walked by, but if you smile or say hi then they just look a way and ignore ya. It makes ya wonder why they look at ya all friendly steal your smile and walk off. I dont know about people sometimes. I wasnt in too bad of a mood at this stage so I just kinda let that go. Although AFTER the breakfast the exact same thing happened with a girl. You know that warm friendly look people can give ya as they walk by, that just seems to cue you to smile at them? Gotta be my teeth, I dunno. Maybe Ill just make like lisa simspon and keep my big book of britsh smiles to my self.

Whatever! No biggie. At least my day was good for a little while, and at least I wanst in a murderous rage anymore, and had dried up and warmed up somewhat.

But then, as I came out from the library after writing the first part of this post, before I got to the part with the nice lady, and was once again stewin up in the feelings about the lady from mcdonalds, I rolled up some butts, and then, since my box of matches were ruined, I walked over to this guy. Like a construction worker lookin kinda guy in his forties who was sittin there smokin a tailor made, and I politley asked him for a light. He didnt say anything and just got up and walked away. Gotta light? I said louder. He just kept walkin away, around a U path to which his side was now facing me about ten feet away. Maybe hes hard of hearing I thought. You gotta light? I said in a voice that Im sure anyone without a serious hearing impairment couldnt hear from where he was. Thats when I yelled at the very top of my lungs, which got everyone in the areas attention...HEY!!!!

He slowly turned his head toward me with a dumb look. I lowered my tone and said directly and assertively to him... Do you have a light?

He stupidlookingly turned back the direction he was going and just kept walking away. So I I just called him a fuckin idiot as he walked off.

I swear Im not normally like this, people.
I just could not believe how fuckin rude this guy was.
Someone might say Im the rude one, but all I did was ask him for a light. How much effort does it take to say no?

I walked over to a lady and two men who were sitting ther smoking and I ask them, politley again, does anyone have a light? The lady gives me a light, and Itry to vent the situation a little. I just say, all I wanted was a light I cant fuckin believe that guy.

Then the ladies like all snappy Fine Yeah Dont go on about it!
So I m like fine then FUCK YOU THanks for the light and walk off.

She tried to mumble somthin but I couldnt hear it.

Today, I was suddenly seein this whole new side of myself.
Like I dont give a shit anymore. I've always tried to be a positive polite person with everyone, so if someones rude to me for no reason, Ill just let em have it from the bottom of my heart, cause If I dont deserve to treated like this, then Fuck YOU!!

The sad thing is, is I like this new side of myself.
When I was younger I held alot of anger in, outta tryna keep peace.
Now I just say fuck em! And lay into them and it feels good.
I could die tomorrow and it wouldnt make a damn bit of difference to me anyways, so why take anyones shit? What is there really to lose when ya think about it. Fight to the bitter end I say.

If anyone tries to fuck ya over emotionally, WALK ALL OVER em, to restore your happy feelings, and go about your happy day as usual.

If the confrontation goes beyod words and ya start fightin with fists. Just let your adrenaline fly as far as ya can take it. If ya win, whoopty doo, if ya lose, at least ya got a workout. If he comes back with a bat or gun or whatever, so what ya get shot, throw ya in a hole, end of story, no more rude people, the end!

Other than that ya just keep doin what ya always been doin. Not out ta hurt anyone. Just tryna make life enjoyable, the best ya know how.

If people appreciate ya, give em all the love ya got, but if they wanna talk to ya like you aint worth shit, fuck em!

I aint sparin feelins of anyone like that!
I got my own to think about, here.

Im nice to anyone I get the chance to be.
Alot of people on this site would argue that, but these are the people who backed someone who tried to steer my direction in the first place. Probably for the sole reason that she or someone backin her was here longer. Nothin more.
I started out givin good advice, yada yada yada, told the odd joke, yada yada yada, read a few stupid advice questions yada yada yada
Suddenly, everyone figures Im some horrible monster before they even know the first thing about me though.

Thats cool though. People can get mad at me all they want on the internet. Here its a different world. I dont get mad. I get even.

Heh! Heh! Heh!

Whaaaaaaaatever! This whole posts a big pissass bring down, thanks ta [Miss, you must be high to sleep in a puddle shake her head and walk off]

Ooooh to have a gun!!! Report abuse all ya want, but thats how it feels.

Angers real. People provoke it. Theres violence in the world the end.

But since that lady smiled at me today, MAybe Ill just go out there and KICK VIOLENCE'S ASS!!!

So if I tell ya to open an umbrella where the sun dont shine and slide down a rainbow face first into a pot of SHIT you slimy filthy whore, its just the nice ol lady in me talkin. Of course I wont say that unless youre a prick to me first. And if Im a prick to you first, Im only jokin, see!

Im a pretty easy guy to get along with if your a decent person.

Nonetheless, I still hope that someday I run into that short little fat bitch from Mcdonalds somewhere near or around where they grind the meat.

I mean hey, she seems to adamant to point out advice on human suffering. Not that Im not havin the time of my life, here.

So I figure why not repay the favor to her.
Perhaps as shes goin feet first through the meatgrinder, now now, AdultFriendFinder, dont be reading this outta context here, perhaps as shes goin feet first through the meatgrinder, I'll repay some of the kind advice she's given to me.

Are You Allright?

Well, I kinda went through a meat grinder last night.

BAh!! Okay! Im through ventin!



Dont worry! So far no one on this site HAS pissed me off, no matter how hard they've tried. You gotta talk to me face ta face to do that!

Now Wheeeeeere did I put that guys head...uh ...head ..of lettuece lettuce. Thats right! Mcdonald gives out free heads of lettuce to anyone who tells off fat rude ol ladies!!


Anybody wanna make one big ass motherfuckin Salad!!!

sooolongsuckers 42M

9/9/2006 2:48 pm

Im kiddin. Im kiddin, here.

I rarely ever yell at sweet old ladies in the mcdonalds line ups.

Wait did I say sweet old lady?
Cause I I meant filthy whore!!
Yeah the swet old lady was cool!

sooolongsuckers 42M

9/9/2006 3:05 pm

I actually dont feel so bad about the people who give ya the friendly look and then dont reciprocate the smiles, anymore. Cause a minut ago, I went out for a cigar, which I got a pack of now thanks to the internet guy here whose always so good to me. Not that I dont now owe him 107 dollars, but thats cool. Sort of. Anyways, there was this cute girl out there smokin too, and she kinda looked at me friendly, and I smiled and she didn't smile back. Ifelt a little irked at first, but soon I asked her for a light which promted the discussion about the idiot who couldnt understand the same question earlier, and I got the chance to tell her how good it felt to get a light from someone, and she actually turned out to be quite friendly. Shes watching me right now actually, I just caught her. Heh HEH! Anyways, my point is, and


There is never any reason to be mad at a total stranger.

(Unless they accuse of bein on drugs for sleepin in a puddle)

____Phantom____ 47M

9/9/2006 4:32 pm

Well said Liv. Well said.

sooolongsuckers 42M

9/9/2006 5:13 pm

Thanks phantom. Im still gonna razz ya down there in fantasy land though. Only there though. For now. heh heh.

potbelliedman 42M
2141 posts
9/10/2006 2:00 am

Livin' off the grid is hard.
We all need support of one kind or another to make it in the modern world.
Even if that support is just a heart warming smile from a stranger.
At least it's better then a finger.
The world is a dynamic place, and I truly believe we are all symbiont's and connected in some way.
I really believe the amount of time it took you to take a crap today may effect the rest of my week.
It's easy to come up with your own theory on how that happens, and it is too complex for me to explain it here, but trust me, I know what you mean when you talk about how the kindness of a stranger, or even the hostility one may have, can totally brighten, or ruin your day.
I've been hungry before, at times after the divorce my mom did not know where her next paycheck or our meals for that matter would come from.
She ended up on welfare and yes I am not ashamed to admit it.
Times get hard, but there is no shame in taking help, and doing things to make life better for yourself.
It's good to see that you have not given up on yourself like so many others in your position may.
I can't promise you brighter days, or even slightly better ones, all I can say is that it is your life, there are many roads to choose, some are in plain sight, some are under your nose and you just don't see them, and some take a lot of fighting and stick to it-ness in order to walk on.
Then there are other roads like despair. If you choose to walk down that one, it has a habit of leading you to other roads, until you become lost.
The road of hate, which blinds you to the better things in life and makes it so that even the things with in your reach become intangible.
Well, thats enough shit talk from me tonight.
I hope you got all the soot cleaned out from your asshole.
If you come across any dragons with a spear in the eye, please have them return it to me.

sooolongsuckers 42M

9/10/2006 12:59 pm

Thanks Ken. I tried ta get the soot out, but its in there pretty good.

Just so you know, I haven't chosen a path of despair, au contraire mon frere. Its aaaaaaaall part a the big picture.


No. No. I see this as an experience, not a direction. Its always been easy for me to find work, except for now, of course, but bones heal. BTW, my mom was on welfare most of her life. That ones always been really hard for me to take. Its cause some pretty viloent arguments between us in the past. She always this, I cant, I cant attitude, which was like the opposite of me. Our differences would mushroom into the biggest challenges in my life, which make Eminems troubles, look like going home from the dentist without a lollipop. I cant even bring myself to blog about it yet, as the story is so complex, the challenge is rarely overcome, and the enemy has yet to be beaten. Nonetheless, it is a war, Ive always known Id have to win. I feel stronger about it than anyone could know. However, life is full of other challenges which usually take precedence, and it may be a while before I get into the heavy stuff. Tryna have fun here for christs sakes. Anyways, you know how it is. Life is an ongoing progression, and you work at every facet of it to varying degrees along the way, getting a little further ahead every day in all areas.

Im alot further ahead, than is visible at this point, but that has more to do with my potential and capabilities, than anything material.

Even though Im barely staying alive right now, and am learning a lesson in how easy it is to get sucked down the river, Im still clinging to a branch for dear life, and waiting for my leg to heal so I can kick my self up and somersault through the air, at the top of the castle, where I will be there alone...Alone with the princess.

Of course YOU cant know we're there, so Ill have to duck her head down quick.

Heh! Heh! Heh!

See ya on tha beach, PUNK!!

potbelliedman 42M
2141 posts
9/10/2006 4:39 pm

You watch how you treat the princess, or I'll call the dragons back.

sooolongsuckers 42M

9/11/2006 8:48 am

Go ahead and call the dragons. I got me a feeling you may soon face a mighty foe of your own. The beach is about to get veeeeeery interesting. heh. heh.

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