Sexual Health and You  

solwhiskey 42M
35 posts
1/18/2006 11:01 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Sexual Health and You

I think most people who pay attention to these things know that sexually transmitted diseases were pretty much ignored in the 80's. Condoms were for perverts, people got sick and died by the thousands, and the band just played on.

But we sure did make up for it in the nineties, didn't we? Today, I can proudly walk into any fourth-grade classroom in America, engage any apple-cheeked schoolchild in a graphic discussion of condoms and birth control, and be perfectly confident that he'll know exactly what I'm talking about, and also that I'll be arrested for trespassing and lewd and lascivous behavior in the presence of a minor.
When I was in college, there was a club called the Sexual Health Advocates, an actual student organization dedicated to educating the public about safe sex and STD's. "Let's see, what should I join? Glee club... intramural volleyball... College Democrats... Ooh, Sexual Health Advocates, now that sounds like a lot of fun!"

Then they'd roam the campus and jabber to anyone who would listen about AIDS and how not to catch it. Now, I realize that we owe people like that for the increased awareness of STD's in our society. I just have one question: Dental Dams? Are you freaking serious?

Yes, you couldn't mention cunnilingus around one of these people without their bringing up dental dams. "Be sure to use a dental dam! Would you like to hear a list of deadly pathogens found in vaginal fluid? I have a brochure if you're interested. Hey, where are you going?"

I'd never heard of a dental dam before running into a Sexual Health Advocate, but apparently it's something a dentist uses to keep your disease-infected saliva from splashing up all over him while he's poking around in your mouth. They can also be used for eating pussy.

I'm sure the Sexual Health Advocates would be happy to know that I must have been paying close attention to their work. So close, in fact, that I got it into my head that dental dams could be found in any drug store next to the condoms. WRONG! CVS didn't know what the hell I was talking about. The guy at Eckerd suggested I try a surgical supply store (with a look on his face that said "Gonna eat some pussy, eh sonny?" ). And the woman at the surgical supply place told me if I wanted a dental dam, I should go to a dentist.

Most people would have given up at that point, but I couldn't believe that such an essential tool of safer sex could be so difficult to procure. The Sexual Health Advocates wouldn't steer me wrong. Right?

At the dentist's office, the receptionist (hot blue-eyed babe in her late thirties) told me there was no actual store in the area where they get their dental dams, but if I'd like to leave my name and number, she'd see if she could order me a box. "What do you need them for anyway?" she asked.

"Personal reasons," I stammered. Somehow, I got the feeling she was down with it. At least, I want to believe she was.

You may not believe this, but I actually did leave my name and number. But she never called me back. I bet she asked if she could order an extra box of dental dams for some guy who just walked in off the street, and her boss said no. They probably figured word would spread and Dr. So-and-so's office would become the new pervert's clearinghouse. Sexual deviants from all over would start coming in asking for all kinds of dental equipment to use in their twisted escapades. Stupid, I know, but I guess I can't blame them.

So, if I eat pussy these days, I guess it'll be skin-on-skin, lips-to-labia, tongue-on-pink. Sorry, Sexual Health Advocates.

angelgrrl 49F

1/18/2006 6:45 pm

I believe a sandwich bag could work. I don't think they come in extra thin, however.

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