Should I stay or should I go?  

softnlush 54F
878 posts
2/26/2006 6:35 pm

Last Read:
5/14/2006 4:35 am

Should I stay or should I go?

I have been doing alot of soul searching these last 2 months,I am wondering if I should remain an active member of TASA or not. I am sure many could care less and that is fine and I am also sure if I left some would feel badly and that is life and I am sorry. I have not made a final decision but I would like to share why I am feeling this way,for anyone who cares to know that is..

One thing I cannot do and this is where I will probably piss people off,is I cannot go from man to man in a close knit group..I know we did that in High School,go with boy after boy and maybe date a boy that your friend dated a few months before..but ask Blu..I have NEVER done that. I also cannot be with a man who has bedded someone from the me a bitch if you must,but there is a reason behind my feelings on this..yes this is the largest sex/swingers site on the internet,but not all of us are here for that reason..I came here originally to meet 1 person,1 person to have a regular thing with,not a husband or even a boyfriend..I wanted the benefits of a relationship without the emotional drama that goes along with it,but the fact is..we are human and with that comes emotions,feelings get hurt,people get is a rough thing,but it happens more than it doesn't. I hoped I could find that but I doubt it really exists.

I have something now with my FWB,so far so good,no drama,no nightmares,no obligations..but there are feelings on both ends..we care about eachother,we respect eachother and in a perfect world we could probably have a wonderful life together,but circumstances will not allow that to happen right now,but for him I am open to the possibility,does that make him my boyfriend?..some may think so,I do not have a label for us,right now we are intimate friends..would I like more,based on what I am finding on this site via emails and other things,I would prefer to stick with him.

But I did find myself attracted to others here and there along the way, men from the group..some outside of the group..but I feel because of the close knit aspect of the is probably not a good idea for me to play within why do I come to the meet and greets,simple answer,because I want to meet the people that post on the board,because I met genuinely nice people and I look forward to seeing them again once a month (sometimes more at other outtings) and socializing with them,the women more than the men to tell the truth ha ha..but if someone caught my eye (and it has happened on more than one occasion),I lack the confidance it takes to approach that person and let them know and in most cases if not all,someone braver will beat me to the punch and in one fell swoop any hope or fantasy I had of making a connection instantly has is not their fault or mine..but I will not play with someone once they played in the group..that probably counts out most of the men of TASA at this point ha ha ha..not to say I had a hope in hell of it happening..but had it been offered..I may have extended an invitation to share myself with them. I have to stress this so you know what I mean..I do not sleep around, I do not give my body to just anyone and I do not move in record speed to get a man..I am not an easy lay by any stretch of the imagination and if I choose to share myself with a man intimately I offer it as a gift because I felt something special in does not happen often,even FWB had to wait for it,but once I give is because I am comfortable and I want to show him that I feel he is special.

I do not think I fit in this site's mold of what people here seem to want..I read profile after profile and except for a handful most are the same..looking for fun strings..discreet..blah blah blah blah blah..I want excitement..I want to be carried away with passion..I want to let it boil over and take us both to places I only dreamed about..I do not have to be in love to do that,but I have to feel I picked someone who will appreciate me for it. The very worst thing I ever could do is do something where I lose the respect of people that I genuinely like..I pride myself on my reputation.

I am not saying I am miss goody two my blog..I enjoy every aspect of the sexual game,but if you really read it..I rarely talk about anything as if it was a fleeting one night stand..I may share a fantasy or 2 that is meaningless but that is just a fantasy,but any of my true life blogs were long term regular FWBs or full out relationships.. to date I have had 3 one night stands that were not supposed to turn out that I ended..the other 2,well,basically it just did not work out as I had hoped(all of them with men from this site). I feel bad about those because I am not into it,I do not make a decision such as sex lightly..I have to be upfront about it and my expectations and hope it matches to my potential lover. A lot of you guys say you want the same thing but I find out later you said that to get me into bed..never again..I assure you.

Sure there is a part of me that wishes I could be as opened and not so stringent in my feelings,but personal things led up to my feelings..some were pretty bad,traumatic things,that I cannot get into. I really do admire people who can so freely share without a care in the world..I wish I could be like that but I am just not built for feelings run deep,I get hurt easily now..I do not wish to step on toes nor do I want mine stomped on does this make me a bad person? Will most of TASA now reject me for my feelings on this very topic? Is this the place for me? Am I still welcomed? Should I just say my goodbyes and just pop in once in while to blog? I am not sure.

I guess I am just feeling jaded,disappointed..I have so many fantasies..I really do,but I cannot live them out without 1 person who I can trust,I have to have 1 person by my side that will take me to that place where I am so comfortable with him that I can be comfortable enough to go further. In all my fantasies of a threesome for instance..he is there with me experiencing it with me..I cannot go there without who is he? It could be FWB or it could be someone else,but he would be there always..and any others that came along would share in it and that is perfect to me..I just do not think I will find it here and I hoped I would have by now.

Well there is my rambling for sunday night..I guess I made some friends or lost some based on this post..I am not meaning to offend anyone..I am just a single woman trying to connect with 1 person who can unleash me,safely,respectfully,consentually and sanely..I just do not think he exists..or maybe I have him already and I do not even know it..I just wish he was here more often,maybe I would not feel this way..but I just seem to find disappointment at every turn..and I am feeling disconnected now.

May everyone find whatever it is they are looking for but always keep this in the back of your mind,we are not all swingers..we are not all looking for sex and nothing more and we are not all looking for the next conquest..some of us are looking for a bit more than that..keep that in mind when selecting a avoids a whole lot of mixed signals and hurt feelings..just words of advice from someone who has been there and done that and been put through the wringer more times than she cares to admit to..

thanks for reading

AltumHunksUnite 54M

2/26/2006 8:16 pm

Y'know darlin', I think most of us in the group have had similar concerns. I'm not trivializing your feelings, just letting you know that other members have done their own brand of soul searching. Some leave, some stay.

Sharing your feelings in this blog or the group board is part of being here. It's how we get to know each other beyond what's in our profiles. We don't have to spill EVERYTHING, just what we want to share.

As for your choice whether or not to stay in the group, I suppose you have to ask yourself if you're satisfied with what you're getting out of it. If it's just friendship, you have that... guaranteed. Beyond that, hmmm, I know what you mean about "playing" inside the group. It goes back to what I believe is one of the few absolute truths on this site... "There are always strings."

It would make me sad if you left the group, but we all have to do what's best for us.

Let me drive. I like the view

rm_art_persists 53M
1789 posts
2/26/2006 9:15 pm

fun seems to have it down.

rm_MisterFrumpy 47M
428 posts
2/26/2006 10:06 pm

we've talked about this yesterday lol.
If you 'lose a friend' because of a blog about how you feel or what you believe were they ever really a friend?

I have lots of feelings and beliefs, most i just let fly here, whats the worst that can happen? I do hold some back, because i know if i DID say what i really thought i really might lose people i consider friends, even if those friends may be pretty friendly aquaintances in the grand scheme.

Beliefs are tricky because everyone has them and everyones are different. You wont be a 'team player' as if were, good for you! You cant be and i'm sure aren't the only one who doesnt desire to make the rounds of folks in the group..hell i'm with you there. Luckily very few seem interested in me at all

At the end of the day, all you have to say to yourself is 'did i stay true to myself?' and i'm betting you can, whether you stay in the group/on the site or not.
My preference? hang out, i need someone to stand back with and make fun of other people hehe

softnlush 54F

2/28/2006 8:21 pm

I know I know Frump..and I know in the end I will always be true to myself...I just got to think about things is all..I am feeling pretty down and I do not know why..I miss FWB and that just makes me feel out of sorts..and I do not feel I fit in anywhere and that is so not like me..*sighs*

softnlush 54F

2/28/2006 8:26 pm

Thanks for your words of Wisdom kind Sir just know how to say the right thing..thanks

heavensent1123 53F

3/1/2006 3:48 am

But I don't want you to gooooo!!!!!!. As for hooking up with different members from the group, I agree, depending on the person it can make things VERY difficult or uncomfortable. The downside however is that where else do you meet that many guys, especially when you work all the time? Then again what are you suppose to do, make a general announcement at the next M&G anybody thats had sex with (fill in the blank) stand in this line.

rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
585 posts
3/1/2006 4:58 am


I do not know you very well, all I can go on is what I read here on your blog. The one thing I notice is that you are real, you dont pretend to be someone you are not, and you expect that out of all of your friends you meet on this site.

You dont understand the whole picture of what this site has to offer until you spend some time moving around looking at all of the benefits, the tools, and the opportunity it presents.

AdultFriendFinder is a site where adult singles (and some married folks) are looking to enhance their sexual experience, whether it is through finding a soul mate, an affair to replace a dead sex life in their marriage, or couples looking to have another join them. there are endless possibilities out there this site can do for you.

Lush, this site is what you make of it, use it for what you want to use it for. If it is just for the blogs, so be it. if it is to find that magical someone, so be it, but make sure YOU choose what it is you use it for, and act accordingly so that no one mistakes what it is you are using it for. the beautiful thing is that this no one uses it for the exact same thing, we are all using it for a different reason, and that is what makes it so great.

I hope you find what it is you are looking for, or if you have already found it, thats wonderful. I enjoy reading your thoughts, I enjoy laughing at you, and I hope you stay as a blogger...



"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi

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