softnlush 54F
878 posts
6/17/2006 8:22 pm

Last Read:
6/19/2006 7:23 am


The one thing I always liked about myself was the fact that I enjoyed my alone time,I rarely felt "lonely" or "alone"..I have always been ok with solitude,when it is on my terms that is.

Lately,since FWB came and went,I have felt lonliness,sometimes profound lonliness. I every so often,enjoy having someone..well,a man,with me and still here when I wake,I have not had that in over 2 yrs now..and just recently it has bothered me.

I recently met someone else,whom I thought would be someone who would fill in for FWB's long absences..we shared a moment,not life altering but enjoyable enough and now we are playing telephone tag and I am not very good at that game and I usually give up after 2 times..he has gotten a few more..but now,well,I do not like feeling I have to make such an effort,so basically..another one bites the dust..story of my life but I probably should have seen that one coming..oh well :: shrugs ::,I was kinda hoping I would be less lonely with him around,wrong again..don't ya hate that??

I got an amusing and annoying email from someone and after replying to him,he ended up,well,going on my ban list..I have NO time for head games and men who think asking twisted questions will intrigue me enough to even remotely consider chatting..he lost me at hello,basically.

My best friend is heading for some sort of fall and there is not a damn thing I can do to stop it..and at this point in my life,I am not sure I am going to be any good to her..what she is going through is going to take a lot more than my simply talking to her and I hope she looks for help in ways that I just cannot give her..I feel so badly about it,but this one..well,I feel helpless.

I have been thinking of past loves as well,people I cared for really not loves so much as sweet friendships..I want to call my old FWB just because,but,since he got married I feel weird just calling him out of the blue,he does not even know about my car accident..I just felt with the wedding and everything I did not have to tell him,and soon he is gonna be a daddy and he is probably preparing for the new arrival..I predict a girl,I have not asked about the amnio since when I first found out he was getting hitched shotgun style a few months back..I hope he knows I still think of him fondly,but right now,I am letting him settle into the whole marriage thingie..

I am thinking of going to NYC with a co-worker,we are at the talking stage,but hopefully will do it soon..she is from my old neighborhood and we just hit if off at work,she is great people..she is alot alot alot like me..and someone else from work wants to join us as well and make a theatre weekend out of it..but as I told her,we are heading to MY city and yes I want to see a show,but I also want to visit my haunts..that is most important..We are just going to try to find a Friday that we can all get off (highly friggin unlikely) but if not this year..definitely next year..we just have to put our 3 heads together and plan our vacations accordingly.

I also decided..that once my lease is up,it is time I look for a place of my own nearer to work,so if any lurkers are there in real estate..I will probably will be interested in looking around Oct or Nov,since my lease is up in Dec..a 2 bedroom Condo closer to Waters ave or thereabouts. Something where I can actually enjoy some nightlife,where I am not surrounded by happy families or geriatrics. Unfortunatly,though,there may be issues coming up at work if this account remains unhappy..if we lose the account I may be leaving the state..so I should know more in the next month or so. I would like to stay with my company so I will see about moving to another account or moving to Arizona and work there.

I want to find a lover,I just do not think he is on this site..I think I finally realized as sexually open minded I am,I am unhappy with the men on this site..I am finding 2 types..totally obnoxious and married and totally obnoxious and serial single..no happy medium..I wish I could just meet someone through a friend..but no one has even attempted to try to introduce me to anyone. I guess because no one knows my type..and honestly I have none anymore..I used to,but now,I go with my gut..and I am just not meeting him here..and when I go out,he is not out there either *sighs*

I miss my family..I was supposed to attend the bar mitzvah of my godson Jul 1st and unfortunately was not able to get the Friday off before,I have tried and tried to ask around for anyone willing to give me their day off,but I have nothing to offer in return..my shift sucks and no one wants it,plus it is the Friday before 4th of july and everyone who has that day off,also has the Monday off and NO ONE is willing to part with their long weekend..My Aunt understood but it still does not change that I am missing my Godson's special day..my sister will stand in for me,but I am still greatly disappointed.

I am full of feelings today aren't I? My mind obviously full of thoughts and disappointments. I wish things were just a little different but I also believe things happen the way they happen for a reason and eventually things will balance my way and I will be patient as I always am..it will change and I will be content with that for now.

Anyway,enough with the rambling..I hope everyone's Saturday was great and their Sunday even greater..again to the all the dads..Happy Fathers Day


1Sir_Lancelot 61M

6/18/2006 12:06 am

I'm starting to realize the same thing.... I've even found myself comparing ones I've met to past loves to find a fault.

Xeryien 53M
1448 posts
6/19/2006 6:18 am

>"men who think asking twisted questions will intrigue me enough to even remotely consider chatting" Damn.. I guess I'd better keep them simple and non-twisted huh?

>"totally obnoxious and married" Well, I prefer to not think of myself as obnoxious - but you'd have to ask others! I think I just have a bizarre sense of humor that some just don't understand....

I don't quite believe that things happen for a reason - they just happen. Its what you do about them, or in the situation, that makes you stronger. You learn from your mistakes, and hopefully don't repeat them.

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