Insomnia has me deep in it's clutches!!!!  

softnlush 54F
878 posts
3/12/2006 3:27 pm
Insomnia has me deep in it's clutches!!!!

I have no idea what to do about this lack of sleep,I have tried everything short of sleeping pills,which I do not wish to do. It makes me cranky at the very least and lethargic at the very most.

I checked my AdultFriendFinder email and saw I had about 10 in filtered..replied to them all,and chatted up with one of them..seems like an ok guy,we shall see where if anyway it goes..honestly I am not really looking anymore,I just have disappointment after disappointment on this site it seems..well,except for FWB that is..but yet again...he is gone..and this time I have a feeling he is out of the country again,at least when he is in the same continent as me,I hear from him regularly.

Did not go to the meet and greet last night,will go to the next one,it definitely was best I did not attend last night,with the lack of sleep and my recent turn of annoyances that keep popping up,I would definitely not be good company,Blu felt the same and we just decided to hang together,but I was exhausted so we did not do much of anything..

I am thinking of a lot of things that need to change,firstly social life..wait,I do not have I need to work on that,it is difficult with my work schedule to do much of anything during the week,and on weekends..well,choices are not aplenty in fact there are no choices in plan is down the line to move closer to Tampa,closer to work and closer to some form of night life.

Another thing,is to communicate with FWB about exactly what "this" is..yea the May it will be a year that we are,well,"friends" and there is good and bad in that,the good being familiarity and comfort zone,the bad thing..too long and not moving in any direction..forwards or backwards,stuck in neutral and I am not happy. I want us to move forward (meaning spending more time together in and out of bed)and establish a more "friendly" part of this benefits package. If he cannot or will not do that,then we need to cut the benfits out for harm no foul and at least with this one,a friendship is something we will both want to keep. He is truly hands down a gentleman in every sense of the word.

Another thing I have to work on,is my expectations of others..there is no one that will think of things the way I do,everybody behaves how they wish to behave,sometimes I will never understand what a person is thinking when they say or do the things they say or do. I am beginning to think I have taken crazy pills and that everyone is off kilter..or perhaps it is just me. But if I am truly accepting of people and all their beauty and flaws,then I cannot let bad behavior upset me as I have let it in the past. People are people and all that jazz,I know I can look at myself in the mirror and know I do my best to treat others as I expect to be treated,it just hurts when they do not. I have to learn that people will do to you what you ALLOW them to do,if you do not allow it,it will not happen,so I have to be clearer about what I will and will not accept and also at the same time,take everyone at face value. Everyone has good in them..and I am sure I have bad in me,but for the most part I think people are basically good at heart. So I am content in the knowledge that I am ok.

Love..well,probably doing the wrong thing but have been talking with My Sir again,told him a couple of recent experiences I had and he listened to me and in his wisdom,talked to me about men in general,he is very blunt about his gender ha ha,he really cracks me up when he tries to explain,what he said and what it really means..and we covered this will say or do anything for the ultimate prize but usually it is minutes later (too late) when you see what they are really about. I joked "you promised me once we got engaged I would never have to deal with this again" and he laughed and apologized to me again. He wished things were different and he feels my frustration and he feels he is partially to blame for it (and I did not correct this feeling)and he said,"babe,someone will truly see what I have always seen,you play no games,there is no guessing and you are the most giving woman,friend,lover that anyone could hope to have" those words meant more to me than anything I have heard in a long time..he also said something interesting..he thinks FWB may have potential if I just opened my heart up (impossible at this point I told him) and anyone else well,they are just morons who do not get me *laughs as I remember him saying that and that slight canadian accent" and I am better off. He just asked that I stay safe and I said,always Sir,always...I told him I loved him (because I do) and hung up the phone.

So this is my Sunday..lots of thoughts churning in this brain of mine,lack of sleep makes me keep writing (and deleting) blogs..ha ha..Sopranos returns again and I plan on watching it..I plan to keep an open mind and open heart to people and try to not let things I cannot control stop me from living a life that I feel is good and just.

I promise..once I start having sex again..there will be more sex stories..until then,you have to deal with my ranting..and my sex fantasies..when I care to share em hehe..

Happy Sunday..and remember..tomorrow for a work day..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hehe

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