Go you warn or do you keep mum???  

softnlush 54F
878 posts
8/6/2006 1:54 pm

Last Read:
8/7/2006 6:12 pm

Go you warn or do you keep mum???

I am gonna touch on a topic that probably will make most squirm with a feeling of "please god,I hope women do not really do this"..this is not gender specific,by the way,the examples I give can be reversed and adjusted to fit the sex in question.

I was reading a friend of mines blog,it was amusing,very amusing..about "minutemen",of course I questioned who she was talking about,but she is not spilling,oh well..but it got me thinking,is it considered in poor taste if a woman warns other women of men such as these,and not only minutemen,what if you found out he is married and acting like he is single,what if you found out he treats women like sludge? What if,he is a great lay? Would you want to be warned? Good or bad?

I will give an example..I touched on this experience a blog or so ago,about a bad sexual experience..and found out after confiding in a close friend,she knew about this person..personally. some background..I was 21,I was on a "break" from a then 5 yr relationship and I was very very vulnerable,one night I was hanging with my friends at the local bar and another friend walked in,he was the brother of the boyfriend of my close friend,he was about 8 yrs older than me and recently separated from his first wife..one thing led to another and we ended up at his place..we made out like crazy on the couch,touching,groping,panting and his cock felt so hard as I rubbed it thru his pants..he took me into his bedroom and undressed me and stood before me and undressed himself and as my eyes eagerly looked at what he had to offer,I hoped the expression on my face did not give it away,it was hands down the tiniest thing I ever saw (I have seen exactly 4 penis' before his and none looked like this)it was hard and it looked like a large clit..he went down on me and it was awful,he had NO finesse in oral skills and his fingers were painfully inept at manually exciting me..I then learned the wonderful gift of faking it and 3 mins later..it was all over..he was talking about how good it was and I was plotting my escape. After my usual sick grandma story I called a cab and headed straight to my friends house..his brother was out so it was just me and her..and I told her about him..and she began to laugh..she said,omg,had I known that he was the guy you called me about..I would have warned you..I asked how did you know? She said,well,2 reasons..his wife left him for someone who actually had a dick and knew how to use it..and well,since I did not believe her, I did him as well and well,I guess you know how that turned out and I said,god girl I wish you did warn me..I wish I told you who I was hanging with (but I was always discreet)..I was sorry she did not have the chance to warn me,perhaps if she had,I would have remained his friend,and not felt so awkward after getting back with the boyfriend,seeing him at family functions for my friends kids,he was always around,always asking why I did not give him a second chance..I never told him why,just told him I was not over my bf and did not want to do anything to ruin a reconcilliation.

But I found out a mutual friend of mine and my boyfriend was into this little guy..and I liked her,and I wanted to warn her..but my boyfriend (who knew about my moment),said,it is none of your business..let her find out on her own..and I kept my mouth shut..well,I heard down the line,it was not a pleasant experience for her either,she was not discreet and it pretty much got all over the neighborhood about his shortcomings (yikes!!)and he pretty much just stopped hanging out with us..He eventually married again and had kids,so obviously there is a lid for every pot and the rumor mills either did not get to her,or she ignored it.

What about the married/single guys? What to do if you found out your friend was being persued by a guy and she thinks he is available and you know he is not..do you keep your mouth shut or do you warn her and let her know going in what she is up against? Am I a true friend if I know she really cares about him and has NO idea he is married and I say nothing??? Again..it is an easy call for me..but some would say I am not minding my business,but trust me..if I were the woman in this scenario..I would want to be warned!!!

Now for the good stuff..as you probably know I had a long term FWB that lasted on and off for about 3 or 4 yrs..and one day,while I was involved with someone else,I had a girlfriend who was looking for some fun and I decided to fix him up with her..I told her he was an outstanding guy and fantastic in bed,she was comfortable knowing that I was his lover for a time..and she was not looking for a forever thing,she was just horny and lonely and he was lonely and horny and I knew he dug women with accents and I invited them out to meet me for drinks and when I saw they were connecting..I left them to their own devices..and she called me a few days later to thank me for sending him her way..it was a one nighter but he did not disappoint (she ended up getting back with her husband and my ex FWB,was really not into the whole not quite divorced woman thing but he had fun too),I told her..yep he is verrrry good and I am glad you two hit it off,no details were given,but since I knew him,again..I know she was smiling the whole time. Was I indiscreet singing his sexual praises,perhaps so..but with that information in her mind,she knew at the very least it would probably be a nice experience and at the very best..a mind blowing one..and she never told me which,but she thanked me profusely..so I gather I was right about the best

I have had a couple of recent oral experiences,that went no farther than that,would I share that news if I found out either of them were into a friend of mine? Well,women talk and if I was especially close to the woman,I just may..but if I have to be honest although at the time the experiences were pleasurable,one of the men in question..was less than gentlemanly and I think he would not get such a positive review,though I would still reccommend the oral I would also tell her to proceed with caution..the other guy..yea,I would give him kudos and tell her...girllllllll,just lie back and enjoy,he is young but very very very good with his tongue and fingers.

So,with all that being said,and please know this..I have YET to warn anyone about anyone..because I do believe discretion is the utmost importance in adult sexual play..but,if you know it is bad news..do you keep quiet..or do you as discreetly as possible,warn the person? Or do you just hope they do not get hurt but keep your mouth shut,if it does go wrong and they come to you in search of comfort or to vent,do you still keep quiet or tell them and risk them saying..why didn't you warn me if you knew this? It is a hard call to make ya know? But for the record ..to all my girlfriends..if you see me heading for the wrong toy..STOP ME ..OK???

OK..looking forward to hearing what you feel about this..and any experiences you have had with this type of situation..and in case you are wondering..NO,I have no dirt on anyone that I want to rat about..I was just taking a friends blog one step further...I promise


rm_bucfannn 62M/61F
2110 posts
8/6/2006 3:50 pm

I think if a friend was about to make a mistake with someone I definitely knew about, I would rat. Only if it was bad, though. What's good to one isn't always good to the other, but, I think we are on the same wavelength

However, that being said, I do believe in discretion. And, I don't think that you would go for those that I blogged about anyway... if you did, I'd slap ya...

softnlush replies on 8/6/2006 3:53 pm:
How would I know if you are not telling me who the hell they are...I thought we were buds..friends..confidantes..what if I run into him..do you wish me to another night of crappy sex????? huh huh huh?? LOL

rm_bucfannn 62M/61F
2110 posts
8/6/2006 3:55 pm

softnlush replies on 8/6/2006 6:53 pm:
How would I know if you are not telling me who the hell they are...I thought we were buds..friends..confidantes..what if I run into him..do you wish me to another night of crappy sex????? huh huh huh?? LOL

You'd know if I suddenly slapped ya... with no provocation

heavensent11236 53F

8/6/2006 4:23 pm

Ok, here's my 2 cents on the matter. I'd want to be forewarned on the matter, meaning if he was REALLY lousy in bed. This is all supposing that you are friends and she doesn't think your telling her this just because she thinks it might be a jealousy issue. Anyway, please warn away!!!!

As for the other, singing of their bed room praises OH HELL NO!!!!!
If you are very definately finished with the guy, meaning you never loved him or anything like that, then go for it but I got seriously burned once.
Someone that I THOUGHT was a friend, well I told her how good this guy was in bed, next thing I know she's fucking him, and not just once but repeatedly.
Needless to say we are passing acquaintences but we will NEVER be friends again.
Two rules of real friendship:
1. Don't fuck a guy your friend is dating.
2. Don't fuck a guy your friend DID date, especially if you know there are still feelings there. I thought that initially it was just me, but believe it or not even the experts agree it's never good to date someone your friend dated.
I forgave the first one, well, not really, never trusted her again after that, always made sure to keep a safe distance because if they'll do it once they will do it again. Sure enough, so much for friendship but I already knew that after the first time.

softnlush replies on 8/6/2006 4:59 pm:
oh no no no..I would never tell a girl about a guy I was still into..oh nooooooooooooo way..but hey,he was my best male friend,she was a very good friend and I had hopes that they would actually end up in a relationship..but,it did not work out that way,it was only the one time..he and I ended up screwing again down the line when I was not seeing anyone..but yea,if I have NO real feelings for him and she is a good friend of mine..I will sing his praises if he was good,why not? he is not mine..now for FWB..if any of my friends hit on him..they would not be my friends..that simple..but shit yea I sing his praises..he is GREAT..but I am not sharing him hehe

heavensent11236 53F

8/6/2006 4:50 pm

Before I forget to add, cause I know someones going to say well what about him, he cheated to ya know? Yep and I ended up leaving him eventually over it, I couldn't stop asking myself whens the next time he'll do it, whens the next time.
Also, before anybody says, well you weren't in a monogamous relationship at the time, which is very true, it still boils down to don't fuck a guy your friend is dating. Would have been better if he'd banged a complete stranger, then you don't have to deal with looking at her face all the time and wanting to slap her.

rm_MisterFrumpy 47M
428 posts
8/6/2006 6:33 pm

I say if a guy is bad, come up with a non ego demolishing way to coach him along LOL

some people, for whatever reason (likely lied to to save face) think they are great in bed and just need to be corrected.

As far as warning from a female perspective im not sure i'd like my activities being scattered around the neighborhood as it were but ya know..if something is really good or really bad word of mouth is the fastest way for that info to travel.

I cant say i've ever personally been in a position with my friends to have that conversation so i can only imagine the dirt people talk about

rm_zent65 52M
102 posts
8/6/2006 10:41 pm

takes 2 to clap.....ever consider when guys also partake in such conversations? what would the women's response? Anyway, do agree one thing....gotta throw a guy a bone sometimes....if it's strictly just the intercourse, then go seek the best lay ever. But don't feel like shit when news of your inadequacy goes round the marketplace....learn and let learn.....


Xeryien 53M
1448 posts
8/7/2006 7:58 am

With the risk of getting my head cut off by sticking my nose in here - I would say warn away.....

But keep in mind what's bad for you might not be bad for them.... I would think that people would appreciate a head's up in any circumstance. C'mon - if you have never tried a candy bar, would you want to know what someone else thought of it - even though you have your mind made up to try it? How about buying a car? Yes, two extremes - but I hope you can see my point.

That and supposedly everyone here is an adult and can make their own decisions...

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