Pack Life  

sno1966 51F
13 posts
4/29/2006 6:48 am

Last Read:
4/29/2006 6:48 am

Pack Life

The one thing people have in common with wolves is that we are both pack animals, we develope long term life time relationships and run our packs (families, communities, even clubs) under similar structures. People, like wolves have pecking orders. No matter what relationship your in it is a Dominant and submissive one. There is always going to be one of you that is in more control than the other. When wolves mate.. generally its for life. Upon the death of a mate or pack member, wolves just like humans experience seperation anxiety. Which is the point I'm getting too really. Seperation anxiety.

This is what your local shrink calls grief, heart ache, emotional pain caused from loosing someone you love. It can be such a devistating emotion they have now turned it into some sort of mental disfunction that can be treated with some new fancy drug, and theropy. It is such a devistating emotion that wolves, who become detatched from thier pack and are alone die quickly in the wild. Pack life is essential for survival. And its not just about food supply. Its about bonding and lonliness. It can break the spirit and will of even the strongest beast.

Which brings me back again to people. Even the anti - social have a way of reaching out in some form for contact.. at least from someone. It's essential for thier survival. When most people say "I'm alone" What they mean is they feel alone. Which means they haven't yet learned to appreciate the resources of thier own family or friends and people, even if unknown to them still love them and care for them. Even in the most dysfunctional packs... there is love.

Several years ago, my husband and myself attended a rock concert held downtown in the Palace theater. After we left we stopped off at a lil dinner that was built in the mid 30's called Dizzy Whiz. One of those places that had waitresses that brought you trays of greasy burgers shakes and fries out on a tray while rollerskating over a badly paved parking lot. Totally 50's theme but they maintained the nostalgia of that era. At a table outside sat a woman... I assumed to be 65 or so. She was homeless. Everything she owned in life was piled in a grocery cart. Somewhere she managed to dig out just enough change for coffee. And she sat there drinking it minding her own buisness trying to maintain her dignity.

As I watched her I couldnt help but wonder where her family was. And how anyone of them could allow her to wonder around city streets sleeping god knows where specially that time of year when nights were cold. I wanted to bring her home. And because we have such a caring police dept and they are so sensitive to those in need or trouble... Mr Police rookie wanna be hero... decided she was being a nusance and made her leave... with her coffee she paid for at that establishment. Now don't yanno that lit me on fire like a roman candle. It was all my husband could do at the time to keep me from getting arrested. But she left, and I looked at her and I could see she really was alone. No family no resources for emotional support, no love in her life. When she looked at me she was hollow. And still underneath all of that I could see she once had a lot of inner strength. My first thought was how could anyone have enough in them after all she had been through to continue? That literally broke my heart. I cried all the way home, my hubbys opinion at the time was that I couldn't take in every homeless stray I found. For gods sake she wasn't a dog. I tried to point that out he wasn't hearing it.

Since that time I have thought about her a lot. Always wondered what happened to her. I think about her more lately because I have found myself in a place where it is feesable that I could be just like her one day soon. I have a few friends, even if distant that do care about me. I forgot about that for awhile, because no one was actually here to hold my hand when my life started to fall apart. I guess even the most inverted of us still need love in our life of some sort. And the need for that sometimes lets us make decissions that aren't always the best ones. For instance... you see domestic violence every day. The first question always asked is "Why does she put up with that why doesn't she just leave"? And if you ask her... her only response will be.. " I love him". Now there are people in the world that get all kinds of condesending and they say shit like... well then she is getting what she deserves. Yet they have never been faced with needing love (even in if its in small amounts) so badly they are willing to put up with just about anything to get what little they do have. We are all pack animals. While her abusive hubby may beat her half to death one day... he will usually hold kiss and cradle her and make her feel protected again right after it. Does it make her stupid? No... it just means she's holding onto the only contact of community, belonging, love she has or knows. She's human after all, just a pack animal.

When wolves hunt, they kill sweet little innocent deers with big brown eyes.. yet we know if they don't they starve... Can't blame a wolf for being a wolf. When a mother wolf attacks to protect her den... You can't blame her for being what she is. No more than you can blame a person for being just that... a person. Human, animal, pack animal. Its our nature to need pack life. No matter how much we think we can be alone... we really can't. With out love, contact and at least someone in our lives that makes a diffrence we die.

Aside from suicide (the usual method of pain relief) emotional trauma can and will cause other physical illeness... even heart desease. Now that Im done rambling about it... my point is simple. Don't be too quick to judge anyone you see. The goober you see tryin to talk to ya in the grocery store might not be reachin out to you because he or she needs you.. but because they understand you need them.



RaytownRick 62M

4/29/2006 7:22 am

Wolves don't mate for life. In fact, the dominant wolf usually kills other suitors. Most often a wolf-pack is made of one dominant male, and many females. Sometimes a non-dominate male will join the pack. In the case of the death of the dominant male, the other male then takes over the pack, often killing the cubs of the other male. And, you've never heard of a "lone wolf?" Wolves often leave a pack precisely because they have no binds to it, except their young. Wolves may live that way for years. They don't need a pack, but when they find a female that separates itself from another pack, this male lone wolf, and the lone female, create a new pack. Soon there is a litter, and then suddenly is born a new pack. Perhaps you've confused wolves with swans, one of the few creatures that do seem to bond for life.
I disagree with the premise that the abused woman is "after all, just a pack animal." She stays, not for love, but usually because of fear. Sometimes because she doesn't know where else to go. A few times, because she thinks this behavior is normal. And even, sometimes, due to being taught that this is a woman's role by some perverse understanding of a God she clearly doesn't know. I've never heard of a woman staying because she feels an animal pack bond. We humans do not need "pack" lives. We don't have a "pack" mentality. The lady in your story was proof that a pack wasn't necessary. However, we enjoy the association with others--others from whom we learn, take and give support to, share emotions and goals with. animals don't pack for these reasons. Humans do.
I too hurt for those who find themselves needing. I have needs, how can I not understand. But don't fool yourself into thinking that those individuals need me. Often they've chosen their lifestyle because they want to be left completely alone. Once they've chosen that lifestyle, even if they wanted to change, they don't know how. Those that want to come back into "mainstream" are the ones that could really use your help. The others choose to be "lone wolves." Let them be.

SirMounts 103M

7/15/2006 1:58 pm

I definitely agree.
Welcome to blogging, sno. *smiling*

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