The Outsider's Guide to Commitment  

smoke_and_mirror 36M
9 posts
2/20/2006 9:22 am

Last Read:
3/8/2006 1:33 pm

The Outsider's Guide to Commitment

So I use this site mostly to live vicariously through all of your lives? Why aren't I using it to find sex? Because I'm married and I believe in honoring my commitments.

Yesterday, I was feeling down in the dumps. It's been three weeks since I got laid, and my mood always deteriorates whenever it's been more than a day or two. I guess you could say that sex is my Prozac.

So I was talking to a friend of mine about my marriage (someone I met on AdultFriendFinder several months ago, purely platonic so far). My friend says that if my wife isn't putting out regularly, then she's not holding up her marital commitments, and she suggests that neither should I. Now I'm sure that she has her own motives for saying something like that. She obviously wants to get in my pants, and I'm very grateful that I have some kind of sexual relevance to somebody. My problem is that I only agree with her halfway.

The idea that a commitment is void if one party fails to keep up their end is an idea born in European feudalism. Native Americans, Asians, and early African tribes all treated commitments very differently before being forced to assimilate. If one party reneged on an agreement, the other parties kept up their ends of the bargain until the deal could be renegotiated. So far, my renegotiations have been unfruitful, but they haven’t failed.

The way I relate to my wife today is as if she was my child or my little sister. I feel like she needs me to look after her and take care of her, and she's always looking to me for support. I can't in good conscience bail on the commitment I made to her, even if that commitment was made after knowing her for less than two months, and even if I’m not getting all I wanted out of our relationship (i.e. a wife).

Now I just have to find an alternate method of preserving my sanity.


Am I too idealistic? Tell me about something that you’re committed to.

one4later 47F
1 post
2/20/2006 10:07 am

It took me many years to get out of a marriage similar to what you described. GET OUT NOW, before you find you have wasted your life with someone who doesn't appreciate you for who and what you are. Don't you think you are to young to have a 20 something year old child? Don't do the cheat thing, it's not cool. Be honest and cut your loses.
Good luck.

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