Friend w/ Benefits or Soul Mate?  

smartnfun1961 56M
36 posts
12/27/2005 12:33 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Friend w/ Benefits or Soul Mate?

I wonder how many people on this site are seeking a Friend with Benefits or, in contrast, a Soul Mate?

The perceived advantage of the Friend w/ Benefits is that you get all the sexual pleasure a couple can have, and a good friend to boot, without any of the stress or complications of a commitment to the relationship.

The perceived benefit of the Soul Mate is that you get all the sexual pleasures a couple can have (some would argue that you get more sexual pleasure than the Friends couple gets), plus additional intimacy that the Friend's don't get.

Which would you choose? Which do you choose?

rm_cockmerollme 46F
1223 posts
12/28/2005 11:06 pm

See, I'd like to know, really know, what is meant by "complications"? I'm thinking it means you can't fuck other people, and people don't want to lock into something. How complicated can a relationship be? OK, I know...but really, do we ever want to be inconveinienced by the love of someone good? By love itself? Also, the error is in assuming that you will be friends if you have sex, and that is not true in all cases. I am sleeping with a very nice young man, we have been fucking for about 2.3 years, but we are not friends. I do not call him when I have good news, and he doesn't tell me when he leaves town to go snowboarding. I wish it were different, but it's not. If I stop to think about it for too long, I will feel sad about it. The other, older guy(He's 40) I've seen twice, is a great guy, very funny, and thinks I'm great (who wouldn't?)and very passionate in bed, but it's so much, because I feel like I'm being unfaithful to young guy(he's 25) But you know what? No matter who's in my bed, I still have another man in my heart. I'd like to stop sleeping with guys I don't love, but I don't know if I'm that strong. Yet. I'm rambling,right? Damn.....


smartnfun1961 56M
30 posts
12/28/2005 11:58 pm

I have in mind two things by "complications":

1. you can't fuck anyone outside the relationship (as you note)

2. you can't up and leave the relationship if it goes stale/bad etc. because you made a commitment to it

You're certainly right about not having to be friends with someone you fuck. I'm fine with that, but would prefer, given the choice, to at least be friends with women I fuck.

But clearly you are struggling with (1) because you feel guilty for sleeping with the older, as though you were cheating on the younger. And you know he doesn't give a damn who else you screw.

And then there's the guy you think about when you go to sleep at night. . . Ah, life and love. So fucking complicated (no pun intended).

I'm pretty sure I won't feel any guilt toward one friend-with-benefits if I get the chance to fuck another. Now, if I get hooked up with a soul mate, then I might. But it would probably depend on what kind of relationship we work out; if it's open or we swing, then, no, it's not an issue.

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