Come, Share with Me  

smartnfun1961 56M
36 posts
12/15/2005 9:53 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Come, Share with Me

When you say to your lover, or potential lover, "Come, share yourself with me", how deep do you mean it?

Of course you mean it on the physical level. But how much, if any, beyond that?

I'm sure it's different for each of us, and I suspect it's different for each of us depending on whom we're speaking to. Most everyone on this site (I think) wouldn't have too much trouble with a casual fling. "Sharing" in this case would be pretty much limited to the physical, although no one really wants to be with a completely arrogant or inconsiderate person. So given minimum of decency and acceptable looks, most of us would be happy to pass several hours giving and receiving sexual pleasure without worrying too much about how much of themselves our partner shares with us.

But that's not what many people want for the long haul. No, for lots of us, the heart yearns for a deeper connection. But what is that, exactly?

Consider it from the perspective of sharing. How much do you want to share yourself with your lover? And how much do you want your lover to share herself (or himself) with you?

Here the stereotypes kick in: men can't talk about their feelings, women are emotional basket cases, etc. True for some, not for others.

Forget stereotypes. Here are the characteristics I'm looking for in a woman in terms of what I want her to share with me:

I want a woman who is intelligent and curious about the world. I want her to be driven to learn, to understand things (I'll leave aside what for now, I'm sure we can find things of common interest). I want her to share with me the things she wonders about, the things she learns, the things she finds intellectually stimulating.

I want a woman who is strong and independent. I want her to be confident that she can handle life and make her way in it without me or any other man; but I want her to think that life would be a hell of a lot more fun with the right guy by her side, supporting and enjoying her. Her strength and independence is no threat to me; I find them attractive. I want her to be straightforward, with at least a certain amount of tact. No head games, no passive-aggressive. Just say what you think and let me (and others) deal with it.

I want a woman who is creative. Have you ever thought about how inspiring it is to be around a creative person? Their energy of life is infectious. Perhaps she's into art, or literature, or whatever. But she creates. And she loves to share her creations with me. In fact, she can create things that the two of us can share in moments of deepest passion and intimacy (poetry, drawings, something else?). Ummm. Yes, that's something I want.

I want a woman who is considerate and compassionate. Her heart will be moved by the plight of the less fortunate. She will not hesitate to help those in need when she encounters them. She will share with me those movements of her heart and move me with them.

Why are these the things I'm looking for in a woman? Because I find all these qualities extraordinarily attractive and I want a woman who has them to share all these aspects of herself with me.

But why do I want her to share all this? Because I believe that the greatest physical intimacy (ok, the greatest sex) is that which is anchored in the sharing of that which goes beyond the physical. Yes, I really believe that.

Sure I think you can have really good sex without any of this.

But great sex? Sex that gets so deep into your head that you want to start teasing foreplay a day before you can even see her (phone calls, IMs, e-mail, LETTERS???)? Sex so great that dinner and dancing before sex is just one, long extended session of foreplay that teeters on the edge of sex in public? That gets me so hard, and her so wet, that finally getting into bed, or close to one, becomes more like a manic-driven session of primal release then anything else? For BOTH of us. . .

No, I think this kind of sex only happens when two people can share their complete depths with one another - repeatedly. In appreciation and admiration of one another.

A pipe dream? Maybe.

But at least you'll know, if I say "Let's get together one night" that I'm suggesting the more minimal kind of sharing and a nice, pleasurable fuck for both us. But if I say, "I want you to share yourself with me completely", then you know I'm saying something much more serious. Not only do I want a pleasurable fuck, I want us to have the greatest sex we two can imagine. And it will entail a lot more than one night or one weekend. . .

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