Boundaries ..... too many..... too few?  

sincitybrunette 57F
3159 posts
7/22/2005 11:38 pm

Last Read:
7/7/2007 8:32 am

Boundaries ..... too many..... too few?

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you are in a somewhat LTR and you know that there is a chance that your partner might stray? I don't have a problem with my partner wanting to try other things...I usually would encourage it, with boundaries ! ! !

My boundaries are pretty simple and not many. I ask that he not bring her into the places that we share together as a couple. I also ask that he keep me informed of when and with whom, so that I am not surprised later on. Am I asking too much?


crankyourwagon 47M

7/23/2005 12:03 am

I think you would be better off just going with. If he just comes home and says ya I screwed Sally today. Tomorrow it's Jill. You will just resent it but if you can say hey why don't we go trolling for sex together you and me. We can do Sally ,Jill, Harry, and Bill. Probably all at the same time! Wouldn't that be more fun?


7/23/2005 12:30 am

No I do not think you are,, I would call that having respect for you and what you share. An he should consider himself lucky that you would even consider being ok with him trying other things/women


nightstogether 58M

7/23/2005 12:52 am

No, but be sure of what you are doing and be sure that you can handle it.

Speaking from experience, a former wife of mine had an affair which she kept secret. When I found out about it, and worked through the expected lies and attempts to continue hiding it, we sat and discussed the situation. Our sex life was good, but she - and I, as it happened - wanted that little bit extra. Our agreement too was that we tell one another and that our partners not be brought into areas where friends and colleagues might discover the liaison.

I stuck to this rigidly, until, one night, my former wife turned up at the house door of my friend and started screaming the place down. She discovered that she could handle her own affairs with no problem, but couldn't handle the idea that I was with someone else.

private-intellectual (.de)

Funin89012 57M

7/23/2005 1:41 am

Well sincitybrunette, that is pretty open minded of you but is that really what you want? I certainly agree that the special places the two of you share are special and should not be misused. From what I have experienced from other women and from what I have felt coming from the LTR, are you really able to share your guy with someone else without you being present? No matter how open minded we think we are, we still have the desire for our partner to be ours and we do not like to share. But, if you can experience sexual activities together, it is my opinion it is much more acceptable for both parties. Don't you agree? As much as we might feel we are open and experimental sexually, we still have that feeling that the person is ours and we do not want anyone else pleasing them without our input. I really do not feel you are asking too much with your boundaries but if you have deep feelings for that person, don't you think it would be better to be present during these extra activities? Watching your lover having fun can and is very sexy. Personally, I would love to watch my lover being pleased by others and then afterwards, she and I would please each other. I just think that if it is done solo, doubts about how your lover feels towards you come into question. If it is a LTR, both should feel very happy that their lover is receiving extra pleasure and that it is being done to please both her and him. As a matter of fact, your lover does not even have to get involved with the extra sex. Just watching your lover having a great time sexually and doing it for your plearsure too is the ultimate way to connect and please your lover. This way, it is done without any doubt in your mind that he/she maybe losing their attraction/emotional connection with you. I hope I am making sense because I think deep down that you would prefer that your lover not have sex with others without your presence. Or are you saying that this is something you desire which is to have other lovers. If this is the case, then you need to tell your LTR lover that you desire to have numerious partners so that he/she can make a decision on whether this is for them. Personally, I prefer to share the extra sexual experiences with my LTR lover being present and I am sure the two of us would really get off on it and explore other sexual activites together. Well, I sound like I am running my mouth and not making any sense now. I believe you need to talk to your lover about how to include others into your sex life as I would talk to mine. Good luck on your communications but I am sure your lover would appreciate a good discussion on this issue and most probably would be open minded. You would be surprised concerning your lover's stance on this issue, I think.

rm_xrickjonesx 38M

7/23/2005 1:48 am

i couldn't let my partner do anything close to that i give you a big thumbs up for that i just way to jealous to lat something like that

rm_descartes1 58M

7/23/2005 3:11 am

No, you're not asking too much. I make it a point of pointing out to whomever I am 'with' that honesty is the key. The truth may hurt, but its a known entity. The opposite of course is liars and lies~

TantricTraveller 46M
45 posts
7/23/2005 3:50 am

I don't know what LTR means sorry But. Your boundaries sound reasonable to me.

I have had relationships that worked in similar ways. Boundaries are necessary for the happyness of both of you and for your relationship.

You are being quite reasonable in asking to know what your partner is doing and with whom. I hope that he can accept them.


artistforexploit 61M

7/23/2005 3:55 am

You seem to be pretty accomodating, no you aren't.

sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
7/23/2005 11:28 pm

crank - if I agreed with you and said that it should be a couple thing, then how does someone learn to trust their significant other. I think that following the guidelines should be sufficient enough

sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
7/23/2005 11:31 pm

blonde - he does consider himself lucky that I am so understanding

nights - I am sure that letting my significant other explore his wants and desires is ok with me. should I worry that he won't be abe to handle the same situation if reversed

sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
7/23/2005 11:33 pm

funin - I want the man in my life to be sure that I am the one for him. If he feels it necessary to explore outside the relationship, I would just hope that he is upfront with me about it. And when the time is right for us to venture into sharing our sex life with others, that discussion will be a very lengthy one....thank you so much for your insight

sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
7/23/2005 11:35 pm

xrick - thanks for being so honest. I know that a lot of people feel the same as you do

descartes - honesty is the only way a relationship will work

sexy - have you ever thought about being in that position?

sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
7/23/2005 11:37 pm

tantric - it means long term relationship and hopefully thats what this will be

artist - I do what comes natural for me

sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
7/23/2005 11:39 pm

harshaw - ground rules are the only way that this will work. If there aren't any, then who is to say when someone goes to far. Looking for sex partners together will come when the time is right.

Apolybear 55M

7/27/2005 5:22 am

I have very similar boundaries with my wife. We have an open marriage so there’s really no “straying” or cheating. We’re both free to be with other lovers as long as we don’t bring them to the house. And, no pregnancies or diseases. Also, we keep each other apprised of who we’re with and what’s going on.

No, you’re not asking too much…

jonnyblong 56M

10/3/2005 12:31 am

Sincitybrunette, you have a right to stand your ground if he can't accept that then tell him to go.

sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
10/9/2005 10:26 pm

jonny - where have you been hiding?

jonnyblong 56M

10/17/2005 4:45 am


sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
10/17/2005 8:49 am

jonny - makes me feel very very special.....and I dance with only one man at a time

jonnyblong 56M

10/17/2005 11:16 am

turn the lights down low, put the spotlight on us in the center of the dance floor, put a slow dance on and lets dance every dance til you are ready to take this much further than this dance.

sincitybrunette 57F
1668 posts
10/17/2005 10:27 pm

jonny - right now, i would do you on the dance floor

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