Life is a folly
|
Posted:Apr 14, 2005 12:32 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
416 Views
|
Life is a folly. One day you are on top, then falling down the next. It's not how far we fall, but how we pick ourselves, our life and our love up with dignity and discipline that we climb. Each step of the rungs of a ladder we lean on the right walls of our future. I am grateful and thank God for new beginnings and the opportunity to be someone new each and every day. It is a choice, and a gift, an intense pleasure and pain somewhere between then, here, and now. People can only affect you if you allow them to. It truly is a choice, and you may fine tune it to turn it on and turn it off, such a wonderful power. It’s like turning your phone off when you're with somebody special. It’s like putting yourself on stealth in Instant Messenger or making yourself invisible. If I could have one special power it would be to be invisible at will. It would be sooo cool. But for now I am happy with being human. And that is divine
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
The Interview- Bring Your Sexual Resume
|
Posted:Apr 13, 2005 11:11 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
481 Views
|
We are all linked emphatically by our sexual encounters. Every time we have sex all of our previous partners are evoked... I heard this somewhere recently and it stuck in my mind. I want to expand on it and I want to discuss it. I want you think about it. Yes, I mean they are in the room with you. I would love to say that the room would not be too crowded on my side, but I can Not... Once I put my mind to something I put my heart and soul into it. I fear the floor boards would start squeaking and splitting and we would plummet down through the hole we create, and all we destroy.
Well they are not in the room with you, but their essence is there, they are a part of who you become, so they are there. They are in the room with you, so I suggest leave the lights on. You won't have to wonder who they are thinking about unless their eyes are closed, or yours are. Let’s explore that thought too. Have you ever dreamt you were with someone else while making love? Lost yourself in wild abandon and the partner asked you where you went, or what was up because you were an animal and that was so much hotter than ever before with them. And you can not explain, you can never explain where it was you went, and when you came back, you wish you never had... There is no explaining that. Not without hurting them or being so remotely honest that your disconnection leaves you naked, scared and alone. Personally I never minded being alone, especially if alone meant keeping my individuality and staying on a path of professional and personal growth and reflection. I like to think, feel, dream.
I also like the contact of someone that enjoys the gifts I possess. I love to touch. to kiss, to possess and be possessed, I love to talk, and I love to listen, the exchange is a connection on an entirely different level than sex. And we bring these too into our world of relationships. Someone that doesn't rock your world the first time in the bedroom, can rock it after you get inside their head, and find out what makes them tick. it can be even better to explore their mind before you explore their body. Bring out their inner and the things dear and precious to them.
I guess I am digressing because I go on in circles. But the point, if I have one, is we are all works of art, in progress. We bring ghosts from our past into our present, and drag them into the future. People that say they want do drama are usually riddled with it. My drama is moderate, controlled and subtle, but there. It affects me, but does not have an effect over me. The pawn or the queen. It's all the same to me. It is all part of the game. Win, lose or draw. Go ahead roll the dice. Peace and Love. Out. M…
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
The Light Within
|
Posted:Apr 13, 2005 10:49 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:27 pm
552 Views
|
I get lost and loose my way. I�ve lived a hundred different lives, in a million different places. My mom always said I had a tendency to exaggerate. I do. She said if mouth were worth money I would be a millionaire. I would. I can sit around in a group and mix well, I used to mold myself to whomever I was around, and I used to be a people pleaser. I was so eager for attention and approval that I sacrificed who I was, who I am. That changed and still changes as I grow into someone with character, integrity, loyal to myself and those I care about. I could not love until I loved myself. I do. I know now how to stand up, be heard, feel my feet beneath me.
There are so many prophetic things I can say, for I make up the words. I reinvent myself again. The best bet is to stretch out my hand to reach for what I can not reach.
I wish to pontificate the rainbow, with light dancing in prisms of glory and color. I want a love I can bask in the sunlight of someone�s smile. To view the deep dark pool of clear brown eyes. The soot of lash dancing around the edge of this pool. I want to be a scholar of life, of people, of choice.
On the other hand I realize that I am dying, we are all dying. What will I leave as my legacy? What will be my contribution? I could spend my life pondering, I will not. I will ponder, but I must react in the time remains that I have. Over time I was abused, abused myself, allowed others to abuse me and ruined my temple�that stopped a years ago. I am a , a boy, a , a father and a man. I am stopped on the road of life, waiting to live. Wanting to love and be loved... For the greatest gift we can ever have is love, and being loved in return. The idea is not perfect, not without merit, and not obscene. But it too is obscene and perfect. There are so many problems we create by not accepting the nature of man, and his will to satiate his needs.Sex, drugs, power, wealth, ego, pride, they all draw blood form the bearer, from the donor, from the spectator, from the king.
A moment of pleasure can be followed by a lifetime of pain and regret. We destroy ourselves by making our expectations somebody else�s reality. I well up, and emotion overcomes me. I don�t want to fall now or ever again.,but I know to feel life I will. The mad rambling of a blackout on drugs and alcohol are behind me. We can recreate our own realities, and the past can not hurt you. It lloms over you like a shadow in the scorching sun. You may not escape it, you may not out run it, but you can make ita puppet show that you control. They can be compelling. Sometimes we need a hand held out to help us up, and sometimes we help ourselves up. Today is a day to help myself up. I lost by no ones fault but my own. I love. I know everything is not always as it seems and I was not delivering everything that everyone wanted. Being proactive means many things to many people, to me it means fixing the underlying problems first and the rest will catch up with you, live with those consequenses. I am soul searching for a reason to stay in the game. I will grow from this and stand taller than those that were not affected. I have come back to be more whole, pure, free. When my time comes to shine I will shine brighter than a million candles. The light comes from within not from without. I will be realized and not forgotten.
I wrote the preceding over a year ago when I made so many changes in my life. I found it in a hidden file in my computer and wanted to share it. Peace and Love.
|
|
|
0
Comments
|
|
To link to this blog (shytownboy2000) use [blog shytownboy2000] in your messages.
|
|
|
| Sun |
Mon |
Tue |
Wed |
Thu |
Fri |
Sat |
| |
|
|
|
|
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
|
11
|
12
|
132
|
141
|
15
|
16
|
17
|
18
|
19
|
20
|
21
|
22
|
23
|
24
|
25
|
26
|
27
|
28
|
29
|
30
|
|
