Judgement........Who's Call?  

shooter0085 42M
194 posts
8/19/2006 6:42 am

Last Read:
8/23/2006 4:02 pm

Judgement........Who's Call?

I always find it rather humorous when someone from this site makes a judgement regarding sexual morality. Giving an opinion on something I understand, but to judge is a whole other story. It is my contention that you are on the site for a reason. I do not know your reason, nor do I really care. You are searching for what you want and I am searching for what I want.

Now, I accept a transcendant metaphysic that authors moral conduct. I know what I am doing, and I know that it is wrong, according to the code that I have accepted. But, I do not know yours, or yours, or yours.....Let me cite something in specific: There was someone on the advice lines a few months back that stated that married people that cheat have no honor. Come to find out that this person was carrying on a sexual relationship with a woman who was involved with another person in a serious relationship. Excuse me? It was almost as if they were saying, well it is ok for me to be sexual promiscuous because I am not married, and neither was she. What? See, because of my moral code, I question that. lol. There are numerous examples of it on here.

My favorite is always the people that state in the AL responses that "The consensus here, is that we don't like cheaters." Huh? No one knows each particular circumstances, and no one should pass judgement upon them, particularly here. The reality is that I have had relationships with those very same people that have in their profile in big bold lettering: "I DO NOT DO CHEATERS" or "MARRIED NEED NOT APPLY." It makes me question, why the change of heart? Is it because they got to know me?

The same goes for couples...you will notice that some couples will say they are not cheating because they have spoken to their spouses about it. Again, huh? Since when has a common agreement transcended an objective metaphysic? Where in your marriage vows does it say that it is ok? Furthermore, why do they feel the need to call others on it? Do they think that they have the moral high ground? Here? Come on! The moment you create an account on this site, you have shown a lapse in moral judgement.

The same goes for homosexuals. Just because their tastes are not mine, does that make them less human? One of my best friends on this site is a gay man. I am soooooo incredibly indebted to this man. He helped me overcome some issues that I had with my wife, and has helped me become a better person. Everyone brings something to the table, no one should ever be cast aside. You will notice that there are 4 gay men in my network. Why? They are friends, thats why.

We all have our codes. Why would you ever pass judgment on one who does not have the same code? The point is that we are here searching....searchers do not have the answers....if you had the answers you wouldn't be here, right?

I guess what I am trying to say is what a shame it is for one to cast judgement, when they are doing the same thing. There are many people on here that I have grown to Love like my family. Some of them are couples, some are married, some are single, some are divorced. What is the common thread? They are all human. They are all gifts that I am very grateful for. They are all persons, with dignity, souls, and compassion. I am by no means perfect, and would never tell someone that they are wrong for having an opinion. Two people on here that I respect the most are both listed on here as couples, both of them have never, and would never cast judgement upon me or anyone else here. We are all travelers on the same boat trying to find that which we desire. Where will it lead us? That is the question isn't it?

I would like to know how others feel about this? Have you ever had experiences with this? How did you handle it? How did it turn out? Do you think that Love cannot overcome differences?

"Judge the sin, not the sinner."


partygirl3869 49F

8/19/2006 11:07 am

We have both been judged by our actions...by people that don't know us. People that don't know our reasons for us feeling the need to take the route we've taken.

You are right...the minute you join this site, you are showing a lapse in moral judgment. There is no one here that should judge anyone else. We are all here for the wrong reasons...Even those that are single looking for someone that is single....they are here looking for sex...that in itself is as bad in the eyes of some, as is cheating on a spouse.

There isn't anyone here that should be able to cast judgment on others....especially people that haven't gotten to know you. Just this week, I have changed the views of two people that felt completely against cheating. Once they got to hear about my life, and once one of them took a look at their own, they realized they could no longer judge people as a whole.

One should think carefully about their own lives before casting stones...because it's most likely that the very stone they cast, can come back to hit them.


shooter0085 replies on 8/19/2006 11:13 am:
PG,
Well, you cannot assume that even singles looking for sex are bad. You are postulating your moral code upon another, but I know what you meant. I think they should call them boomerangs instead of stones. The point of this was to persuade thought towards what is actually important, Love.

hurricanewind99 48F
22 posts
8/19/2006 11:16 am

Well said. At first it was easy to think that anyone listed as married wouldn't be able to be trusted for any serious relationship, or even long term friendship, hey they are here for one reason and then they will move on. But then I happened to think about how much we really truly don't know about anyone we meet anywhere, especially in person. Who knows what your friends, neighbors, and coworkers are doing in their private lives anyway. At least if they are upfront enough to list themselves as married and openly discuss why they are here, then isn't that good information to know?

Also, what if the judgement "you are cheating and it is wrong" is not intended as a harsh criticism, but someone stating "I don't understand why someone would spend time and effort finding fulfillment outside of a failing relationship rather than doing what it takes to fix it or else end it and move on." Would that make more sense to try to explain? You don't have to defend yourself to anyone, just keep in mind that disloyalty is a concern to alot of people and if they didn't care to know the answer then they wouldn't have asked the question!


shooter0085 replies on 8/19/2006 1:30 pm:
Hurricanwind99,
I know what you are saying, please do not misunderstand me. I am by no means upset or disgruntled by anything that anyone has said to me personally. The point of this post was to show the blatant hypocrisy of anyone on this site making a judgement call regarding sexual morality. My intent is to show that what is more important is Love for your fellow man. When one judges, regardless of how they word it, they are projecting a moralistic view that one may not share. Even though, I believe that there is truly only one correct moral code, or right and wrong, I try to not show it.

luv_bunny4u 52F

8/19/2006 11:17 am

Your know many people have many different stories of how and why they would judge things/people in general....
For me 2 yrs ago I would never have thought about the AdultFriendFinder site, but my spouse decided to venture outside the marriage, and only up to 1 yr ago I finally got over it an was introduced to the AdultFriendFinder site, Heck!! this site is very Hot when you find the right person, but for judging a person or caractor one should just keep it to their own self, and if they dint like it, turn the other way and move on....
Everyone is judged on something, looks, caractor, etc. we are all human and its just ones inner jealousy's that open up that green little judging monster, it a shame....


shooter0085 replies on 8/19/2006 1:32 pm:
Bunny,
Bingo! We have a winner! Exactly, what is more important anyway?

flagg134 37M
1582 posts
8/19/2006 11:22 am

Well I don't have a code that I have chosen to follow so I have no real guide to whats wrong and right other than my conscience. I get judged often for that alone. Sometimes its such a problem that I simply choose to hide that fact.

I do think that people spend too much time worrying over what others are doing. It doesn't affect them so why should they care. I don't have a problem with sex outside of marriage at all. I don't condone the lying per se I do know sometimes that there are extenuating circumstances though.

Lastly on the women who write "married men need not apply" they could be writing this for reasons other than a disdain for cheaters. It could be that simply they don't want to endure the hardships that come with being with someone who is married ie last minute cancellations and possibly there own moral code puts them in the wrong as well. The ones who change their mind about you probably do so because to be honest you come off as a very kind hearted and charming individual.

Ultimately I don't think you should worry about this much your success here is apparent despite any judgments made against you.

RF


shooter0085 replies on 8/19/2006 1:41 pm:
Flagg,
You are correct about the Married need not apply thing. I am well aware of the other reasons, and thank you for pointing them out. There is so much that you forget to cover when writing these things. lol. This post was not the effect of anything in particular that was said to me personally, rather it was inspired by a blog by my friend Liv, aka....sooolongsuckers This is an attempt to show the blantant hypocrisy of those that judge on here, and was an attempt to show that Love is what conquers all. On a personal note, thanks for your kind words and for dropping by. Nice to see you here.

juicy856 40M/35F

8/19/2006 1:09 pm

i feel like everyone is constantly being judged weather it be on this site, at home, in town where ever. it is something that can't be escaped, as it is a part of human nature. people can of course fight the urge and except the person they are judging with out letting on like they had just done it. it would be good if people could keep some things to themselves, but for some reason the people that feel all high and mighty always lets what they feel to be morally wrong out. i think this goes really will with the post you did the other day in how to become humble. some feel they must make it a conversation or talk behind ones back. this is one part that i found difficult about church. too many politics in it, not enough love like i thought was supposed to happen there.

i just feel like it will always happen, cause people always want to believe the way they live or believe must be the right way to think and behave. i have an uncle that is a god fanatic, and he judges all the time. i went through a stage in my life where i really hated men as a teen. i used to be when i was a small child for about 2 years of my life. so didn't trust many men when i started to develop as a women. men would look at me and it made me feel uncomfortable. i did everything i could do to become ugly so they wouldn't. anyway my uncle gave me a lecture on what would happen if i became a lesbian and how he could not break bread with me. he told me he would forgive me, but would not associate with me. who knew that the people who judge you the most could be your own family, or someone that believes in the word of god so much. he uses quotes from the bible to make it right. i wish he and others could just consider what they do first and stay open to others reasoning's. nobody should have to fight to do what they feel they need to do as long as nobody is getting hurt and everything is consensual. the only one that should be able to judge is god himself, if you believe in him that is.

i try to stay open about everything, but feel i may be guilty of it sometimes too. that is yet another thing i try to work on. anyway sorry for rambling and taking up so much time. i enjoyed this post, it's a good one.


shooter0085 replies on 8/19/2006 2:29 pm:
Juicy,
As a friend in CyberWorld...I love you. So much of this ties back to the other post that I made regarding humility. We are all guilty of this. I can't even begin to count how many times I have judged people. It is something that we constantly need to keep ourselves in check on. Always a pleasure to have you here.

Capi

IsThisBetter4u 107M

8/19/2006 1:47 pm

Shooter-I agree with you completely. As you know, PG and I have recently become quite close and fond of each other. I was one of the ones who until very recently was steadfast in my opinion about infidelity. After having talked to PG, for most of each of the past 3 days and having a better understanding of her situation and yours, I have reconsidered the harshness and the judgmental nature of my previous opinion. I can understand now why for some people it might be a better choice to choose differently than their vows dictate. You are absolutely correct. It's not right to judge the sinner because of the sin. Until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes, having an opinion like that suggests you think you are better than somebody else. We all do things for our own reasons and nobody is without fault. If anyone comes here giving you a hard time or PG for the choices you've made, then send them to me. Many here know how I previously felt about this topic. What many don't know is that I have been on both sides of that fence. When I so strongly passed judgment on others, I had failed to consider that I had not only been the victim but also the victimizer. We've all learned things here about ourselves and others. I sincerely hope that everyone has the integrity to not place themselves beyond reproach. Those who do are guilty of a much worse sin...pride.

I hope that those of whom you speak do not feel singled out by your comments here. I know that you mean this in a general sense and that you would not make a stab directly at anyone.

Wayne
[/I
]


shooter0085 replies on 8/19/2006 2:40 pm:
Prez,
You are a beautiful man! Let me share with you that this post was inspired by Liv's post the other day about the war and how to overcome the differences that people have. This was something that I have been meaning to write about for quite some time. Like you, I have been on both sides of the fence. At one point in my life, I would cast judgement on anyone and anything. I had an opinion on everything and wasn't afraid to give it. Wisdom comes with age and experiences as you know. I still believe that there is an objective moral code, I know what I am doing is not right, I know that my actions will have consequences. But, I also know that I cannot cast a stone when my own eyes are blinded by my stupidity. This post was meant to be a wake up call to myself and those who read it. No one has the answers here....so why bother positing that one does....the ideal is to Love all. Love is the only thing that can conquer all obstacles. The intent here was to persuade the reader towards that love. Thank you for your comments Prez, they mean very much to me.
Always,
Andy

marathonman45202 54M
6640 posts
8/19/2006 3:22 pm

In short, I agree!


shooter0085 replies on 8/20/2006 7:42 am:
Marathoman45202,
Thanks for giving me typing hands a break.

rm_SultryVirgo 49F
567 posts
8/19/2006 3:46 pm

There is a difference between being judgmental and having no judgment. To take a phrase from a dear friend. I don't judge someone's sexual orientation, nor their preferences that's not my place.

However in regards to the specific issue of martial infidelity that is a different subject. I do judge those who lie for their own personal sexual gratification. I'm sorry if you find that harsh, but lying is still wrong isn't it? You posted a quote from the bible, which I find ironic, since one of the biggest messages from the bible is that to lie to either yourself, God or your fellow man is a sin. However I'm agnostic so lets not even go there with the issue of the bible I don't believe in it, but wanted to point out that referance to you.

It's not what your doing as far as the sexual act is concerned, it's what you have to do to get there that I have the problem with. I believe in honesty and I don't care what the circumstances are, the last 5 years of my marriage was sexless for various reason's, mostly on my part because of what my ex husband had become and what he had done. Towards the end, even tho my marriage was over, I had one gentlemen who pursued me like no other had, now remember my marriage was over and we where just going through the motions. But never once until such time as I said the words to my ex, that it was done and he left the home for good, did I ever once let another man touch me. To do so would have meant to me an abdication of all that I hold dear, honesty being the top of the list.

You and many other's are doing whatever you think is the best for you, however please don't expect, or demand that everyone should just view it from how you see it. And by calling those who don't agree with lying, and infidelity judgmental because of their beliefs that is what your doing. If we don't agree with it, well hey it has nothing to do with how we hold these values, we are judgmental. You are doing the very thing that you de-cry against.

As a single woman how is that the minute I create an account on here it's an automatic that I have showen a lapse in moral judgment? I'm not lying to anyone, I'm not deceiving anyone, I am free to do as I wish as long as it's not illegal. The same as you and anyone else has a right to do. However when you put yourself out there, and demand that everyone agree with what your doing, that is where it becomes an issue. I don't demand that you agree with how I live my life, however by saying that because I view the dynamics of having an affair (ie lying and deception) as being judgmental, you are demanding that I agree with how you live your life are you not? If I don't agree with it, then somehow I'm in the wrong and that is not fair for you to place that kind of judgment on me.

I believe that every marriage has it's own issues, yours are not the same as other's. And whereas I do have compassion for those going through this (I lived through hell for 5 years I know what I'm talking about) and I can call those who are engaging in something that I don't agree with friends in spite of it. But that does not mean that I should have to toss my values, and moral code to the side just because you don't like it and wish not to have other's state their thoughts.

I understand what your saying and I do agree with portions of it. But why is that you can judge those who don't support your position and your reason's, but they can't say the same to you for yours?

I don't agree with lying, I don't agree with a person breaking another's trust, I don't agree with people not being open and honest about what they want for fear of loosing something, but doing the deed anyway. I don't agree with it and I never will. If you where to lie to save a life that can been seen as being noble, if you where to lie to save a nation, okay. But if (and I say if because I don't know all of your circumstances) you are lying to one whom you love to fulfill a need then I can't agree with that. If you wish to view me as judgmental because I view lying as the ultimate sin, then so be it. Call me a judgmental bitch because I won't tolerate either a deliberate hurt being done, or me doing the hurting deliberately by lying to someone.

You have your views I have mine, that's neither of being judgemental, that's a differance of opinion in regards to this issue. Again what your orientation is, what your sexual preferances are (except when it comes to children or animals) I don't say boo about it, but don't try and tell me that because I view lying as wrong, that I'm judgemental, that is being so unfair it's not even funny.

Sultry


shooter0085 replies on 8/20/2006 6:26 am:
Sultry,
Let me be very clear, no where am I stating that someone else is wrong or right. What I personally believe, and what you personally believe are irrelevant to what I am stating. This is not about right and wrong, and it is not about you accepting my code or I accepting your code. The very fact that what you stated to me about your particular circumstance proves my point. Why would I ever accuse you of imposing your will upon me? Or why should I ever impose my will upon you? This was an attempt to look beyond the scope of what your code is vs. my code. The reality is that no one is going to have the same due to choice. While I agree that there are certain standards of conduct that we will all agree on for the most part, the differences real their heads when it comes to choice. So, instead of focusing on the differences and the disagreements, I find it more important to focus on the good things of that other and to smother them in Love. What I persoanlly believe regarding morality at that point becomes irrelevant. Thanks for dropping by again, I always appreciate your take on a variety of subjects. See you soon.

steamyandsexybi 45F
2784 posts
8/19/2006 4:50 pm

Shooter,

I've been in a very long relationship with someone who was married. (for 4 yrs.,to be exact) I'm against men and/or women who ...basically,cheat because of that bad experience. It was living hell for me. Yeah, I "thought" love would conquer all at the time too. Four years later, after so many times on that roller coaster ride of him constantly using that over me and feeling threatened by it, I needed to get away from him-for my own well being and sanity.Every single time a disagreement would come up between us, guess where I'd always have to be worried where he would be all night? Yep...with his wife. There wasnt shit I could do about it either. BUT! 'because I loved him' I kept thinking that maybe one day, he'd realize that nobody could ever love him as much as me. It never happened...no matter how much he said he loved me and I loved him. Sometimes, "hope" just isnt ever enough. I felt that there was too much competition- one sided love. Of course, that all lead to more issues and problems,and worries and lots more heartache. Promises he "swore" upon were always broken. Excuses from him were always made.
Theres more to it than this but I took up enough room here. This here is just one reason why I wont get involved with another married man. I'm the one who hurt in the end...and nothing ever came out of it as hoped or promised,etc... I never wanna feel like that ever again. I cannot handle hurt like that ever again.


shooter0085 replies on 8/20/2006 6:33 am:
I cannot say I blame you either. You did the right thing for you and thats what counts. I know this is the reason that many folks place this in their profile. This is acceptable, because there is no moral judgement involved.

___Phantom___ 47M

8/19/2006 6:34 pm

Shooter

Honestly man, your blog is awesome. You write superbly well and you touch on some very interesting subjects. In fact, it would have been nice if you had started your blog sooner. I wanted to lay low for a while, but your post here and a post in Liv’s blog inspired me to stick my neck out sooner than I wanted to and before my new profile and blog was ready. Right now, I am also in the process of writing a number of articles for my blog, which I am going to submit on a daily basis as soon as I get my blog up and ready. Just by the look from the responses from your audience, one can easily tell that you are going to be a very successful blogger and I certainly plan on being part of your permanent audience.

Shooter, you and I have known each other for some time and I have come to know you mostly from reading your responses in the advice lines and some personal correspondences and regrettably through some gossips from a mutual friend (who by the way is also mentioned in Isthisbetter4u’s response to your post right here and Wayne I do feel singled out my friend, I was just here having fun with my blog when these two friends of mine dragged me into this nonsense, her with her repeated posts about me in her blog and how she was madly in love with me and now my old friend shooter).

As this mutual friend may have already told you, yes, it is true that I have questioned your sense of honor and loyalty over the fact that you have cheated on your spouse, but what this mutual friend probably didn’t tell you was that my main reason for being judgmental about you was the fact that you have a number of children (I don’t know how many but I do know from your responses in the advice lines that you have more than one).

When you have kids involved, that changes the equation dramatically. My primary concern (again as a friend) was that by spending numerous hours in a “sex and swinger’s site” advice lines, you were taking time away from your kids. I’ll bet that our mutual friend did not say that to you. I honestly didn’t care too much about the fact that you were cheating on your wife. I have actually wanted to email you and talk to you as a friend but unfortunately you and our mutual friend have decided to take all this publicly.

Shooter, I have a kid brother who is the same age as you are and just like you he is in great physical shape and is the co-owner of his own very successful business. As I recall just a few days ago you said that you thought of our mutual friend who is eight years older than you as your “little sister”. Well, guess what? I see you as my little brother and I never meant any disrespect to you, in fact, it was the opposite. My criticism of our mutual friend was also meant in a friendly way as I pointed out to her that she herself has a four-year-old child and by spending countless hours here on this site, she is neglecting her child. What is so unfriendly about that statement which she found so offensive?

As for myself, yes, it is true that right now, I am in a sexual relationship with a woman who herself has been involved in a lesbian relationship for the past ten years. I met this woman right here at AdultFriendFinder. Prior to her coming to this site, this woman had been fantasizing about being with a man and she came here to AdultFriendFinder to fulfill that fantasy. She was here at AdultFriendFinder for two months where she screened hundreds of candidates and she finally chose me (lucky me). I personally don’t think that our secret love affair is going to last much longer as she is dreadfully afraid of her partner finding out about us and I am tired of playing cat and mouse games. She has made it clear to me that all she is interested in is having sex when her partner is gone and of course we also enjoy reading poetry together.

Personally, I have never ever cheated on my mates in my entire life. If I were to ever get married, I would probably be one of the most loyal husbands ever (no doubts in my mind, I know myself).

You do remember the marriage vows that you took when you got married don’t you? So what was that all about? Why the trouble? Why take a vow when you are not going to honor it?

I was going to pass on commenting on your post here but Sultry’s response inspired me to write this to you (and I gained a tremendous respect for Sultry). Please note that her response may sound harsh and unfriendly, but in actuality, it is the most thought provoking response I have seen for this post in your blog yet, and I hope that you appreciate the fact that she is trying to make you see things from a different angle and that she cares enough to take the time to write this response to your blog.

I also disagree with you strongly that just by joining this site we are committing an immoral act. We are all here for different reasons. There are countless numbers of people who are just here only for the blogs and what is so immoral about that. I personally don’t even have any problems with swinger couples on this site. Seriously, I don’t question their morality and I don’t go judgmental on them. They are all adults and everything that they do is consensual and is understood by everyone involved. There is no deception involved.

Cheating is when deception is involved. I have never deceived anyone. I have always tried to be upfront and straightforward with people. If you are deceiving, then you are cheating and that brings your sense of honor into question.

Thank you for your post her and I look forward to your upcoming posts

And Sultry, BRAVO. My hat off to you, thanks.

Phantom


shooter0085 replies on 8/20/2006 10:57 am:
Phantom,
Let me first express to you my sincerest thanks for kind words regarding my blog. It is my intent with this blog to inspire others to think, create dialog to digest other points of view, and a little shameless self-promotion never hurts. LOL. Let me also point out that you are correct that you were partly the inspiration for this topic as well as Liv’s blog on the war and a previous blog I did on humility. Your response as well as Sultry’s essentially proves the point that I was trying to make. It is very difficult to not express one’s feelings, thoughts, and sentiments when they feel personally attacked. Regardless if one is Agnostic, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or whatever, there is a code of conduct that you adhere to. Brilliant minds throughout history have shown a natural reason to exist, which in turn leads to some semblance of an ethic and moral guide that gives reason to existence. One could cite Aristotle as well as Plato for examples.

Let me also publicly apologize for not contacting you directly. You’re right, I should have contacted you directly, and I offer no excuse. I am guilty, and more importantly, I am sorry. My intent was not to hurt, but to merely point out hypocrisy. Here in lies the conflict. In my opinion, there are two ways to solve conflict. One is to compromise, this is what we normally see in government. The problem with compromise is that it leads to all sorts of other problems which stem from that compromise, which in turn require more compromise, which in turn require more, etc, etc, etc. This truly never solves the problem, it only continuously places band aids on the problem. The other way is to surround the other with love, smother him completely and continue letting him know how much you love him.

When someone cites their particular circumstance regarding cheating, I really do not see the point. Cheating is cheating, regardless of the circumstance. Just because something happened to another and not yourself does not mean that others are not able to understand. One of my personal favorite advice line questions to respond to are those guys that ask whether or not cheating is right or wrong. Then they go into a whole explanation of how their wife has a medical condition and can’t have sex or they have a loveless marriage, or whatever. The reality is that as you well know, that a loveless and sexless marriage comes down to one thing and one thing only, lack of Proper Communication between the parties involved. What is always so funny to me, is the attempt to justify one’s behavior. The same thing can be said for people that come here just to blog. Why here? You can blog anywhere, can’t you? Why put yourself in a position to be exposed to pornography, lust, and temptation? Is pornography, lust, and temptation good for you? Isn’t that essentially what you are saying by coming here? Does this not show a lapse in moral judgment? Not to mention the fact that no one originally came to blog. Do you really think that you are that strong? You know how many people I know that have said, “oh, I would never do this or that?” See my point? There is no way to call someone out without making a judgment call of some sort. We are all human, and we are all fallible. This is really the point here. There is no moral high ground between people here, there cannot be, because we are all guilty, if you accept even the basic natural code or “natural law”. If you do not, why even debate? Why make a call at all? And of course, the hypocrisy lies with myself also in creating this post, doesn’t it? Last sentences of paragraphs are always more powerful, aren’t they? LOL.

Rather than go into a diatribe like above, it is much more appealing to not say anything at all. Just smile and love.

In regards to the other party mentioned, I wish not be involved in what transpires between you two. It is none of my business, and I do not care for it to become my business. This is probably something I should really discuss with the other party, but nonetheless.

One more thought, let me express my sincerest thanks for the intellectual challenge, this is what I have been missing in my life and I am very grateful to you and Sultry for challenging me. You are always welcome here, as I hope that you will welcome me to your blog. And, stop changing names! LOL.

Phantom, I love you man. I do not know you more than I know anyone else here. But, honestly, I love you.

Always,
Andy

FanErotic6996 58M
1019 posts
8/20/2006 2:08 am

As far as making judgements go I used to tell the people who worked for me to ask themselves this before opening their mouths
Is it true
Is it fair
Is it necessary

Next best thing to perfect


shooter0085 replies on 8/20/2006 7:51 am:
Fanerotic,
I agree wih you completely.

rm_222when911 47M/43F
5206 posts
8/20/2006 6:23 am

What a wave of outpouring emotion. The Moral Code. In this country anyway, Catholicism and Christianity have laid down the core of the "rules" most of us keep (at least) in the back of our minds regardless of the actual intensity. In God We Trust..... "Judge not lest ye be judged." Take the log out of your own eye before you concern yourself with the splinter in another's eye. Let the one without sin cast the first stone. Etc..... The motivation behind judgment can be fear (I do not like cheaters because I am afraid someone might cheat on me), anger (I do not like cheaters because someone cheated on me), or accepted ideology (I do not like cheaters because it does not follow with my core beliefs...it is a sin). What I have learned is that judgment is an ego based projection. It takes inner strength and resolve to look first through the eyes of the individual not your own, and (if you cannot understand their perspective) reserve negative thoughts for others' narrow views. It is impossible to understand the actual true reason for an individual's actions, because we all derive our next moves from our own experiences (information we have been taught and how we relate that information through emotions and other personal circumstances). There is a place that holds the vulnerable, bare, fragile part in each of us. Before casting judgment, I try to go to that place trying to remember the hurt I would feel as if it was directed at me. That makes you think twice. I have been on top, and I have been at the bottom. We need to lift each other up. There is no good in breaking someone down. Sometimes good people make bad decisions. We just need to remember collectively that wisdom and information are much larger than we can hope to imagine. Unless we know all, we need to reserve judgment for someone else. J

"You may think I'm a little off center, but if you really knew me you'd run~!"


shooter0085 replies on 8/20/2006 7:50 am:
J,
This is why I like you so much. We are definitely on the same level of thought. I hold you in very high regard and your comments are always welcomed here.

SolarPowered0 111M
8023 posts
8/20/2006 9:25 am

People say and do shit, all the time, which is "wrong" and which hurts other people (even those they love.) The problem is that no one is perfect, and that's where we begin to lose sight of the truth.

I judge people - all of the time. I judge myself - all of the time. It's as natural as blue skies and torrential rains. Hypocrisy is a part of the human spirit. It ain't goin' away... ever. You are; I am; everyone is - a hypocrite. We can spit platitudes until hell freezes over, and we are all still going to be hypocrites... in the final analysis.

The Bible (in its various iterations) is merely the cornerstone - the basic rules most societies have adopted as a means of "judging" the actions of others. There are laws and there are morals. Morals are usually thought of as the values used by "God" to determine if we (individually AND collectively) are "worthy" to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, whereas laws are used by us to determine if we (individually AND collectively) are worthy of punishment.

I, for one, have no excuse for who or what I am. I judge and yet I regret those same judgments. I am a hypocrite and yet it turns my stomach. I live and yearn to be "perfect", while knowing I will never arrive at that coveted level of being.

We all have faults. We all have desires. We all attempt to be what we view as the epitome of righteousness. We all sin... and fall short of the Glory of God! It is human nature and it will never change.

When I finally stand before the one True Judge and I am demanded to plead my case, I shall beg for one thing only - that I be judged on the merits of The Redeemer of mankind. I can't expect to be forgiven my sins simply because I tried to be good, or right, or moral - some of the time. I am human and I will never succeed every time.

I may ask only that my punishment be inflicted with mercy; make it swift, and make it sure. Thank You GOD, for the blessings of YOUR MERCY. For I am a sinner and my place is with the devil, and his angels... within that Lake of Fire, so reserved.

Solar...


shooter0085 replies on 8/20/2006 12:45 pm:
Solar,
Wow! This is a 180* from your most recent post! I think you stated it properly, if you believe in God of course..... Always a pleasure my friend.

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