Top 5 Actors of Our Time Who NEED An Oscar  

sfvppl818 51M/51F
486 posts
5/3/2006 2:07 am

Last Read:
5/5/2006 1:43 am

Top 5 Actors of Our Time Who NEED An Oscar

1. William Shatner - Kissed green chicks, talked funny, was always drunk out of his mind. He is a giant among men and will forever be remembered as having one of the most believable staggers ever seen. Oh yeah and those books that are ghostwritten for him are also ..... *ahem* .... superb.

2. Jackie Chan - He revolutionized everything in the universe. He can sing, dance, fight, do comedy, do stunts that result in him smashing a hole in his skull and not only that but his acting ability has enabled him to play roles as diverse as a Cop who can do Kung Fu, and a Martial Arts Student who urinates on midget ghosts. How many other people can make that claim?

3. Mr T - At a time when many thought it was impossible to make being a black guy or a tough guy any more popular, Mr T raised the bar. He took his gold chains and his silly mohawk and made himself into one of the most enduring figures of the 20th century. So what if he was a one trick pony, he could still beat up you and your dad, fool.

4. Jack Nicholson - He's a gruff old dude but entertaining. He was freakin good in Hoffa. Even though he makes some crap movies because he likes being paid lots of money, he can pretty much out-act anyone around and he does it without looking like a vain wanker.

5. Branscombe Richmond, Possibly the greatest native american actor ever, and yes I mean even greater than Lou Diamond Phillips. This guy was made not the least bit famous by his role as a bountyhunter named Bobby Sixkiller on the show Renegade with Lorenzo Lamas. He is a big fat jolly guy who wears bright jackets and cattleskull ties(hard to explain) and he has very very shiny hair, which I think makes him a bigshot. He has been in about a million things too, most of them for only a few seconds.

Honourable Mentions - Samuel L. Jackson, Anthony Hopkins (if only for Nixon, not that crap about silent lambs), Gary Coleman, Johnny Depp (if only for his unwillingness to be Tom Hanks), Jim Carrey, Christopher Walken, Sylvester Stallone (seriously) and several million others who I have forgotten and probably aren't popular.

Now, because I'm a freak who likes to bitch about other people's choices, despite the obvious lack of quality of my own list, I will now give my opinions of several people already mentioned. These morons should never get near the Oscar stage.

Tom Hanks - plain sucks. Back when he did comedy and was just that dumb guy with a face like a swollen puppydog, he was tolerable. Now he's a different person, an overpaid idiot, churns out horseshit films that could not get greenlighted if his name wasn't attached to them. And to make matters worse, his son is in movies now ... nepotism? ... of course not! Oh, and I hated Forrest Gump if for no other reason than the fact that it was so sickeningly full of the same tired old 60's crap. That decade is over, its gone, forget it and never mention it around me again or I will cry.

Kevin Spacey - freaking bizarre. He has his moments but he is bit of a theatre queen and that is forgivable. However I will agree with the everyman comment, he can play uninteresting people rather well, but maybe that is because he is so uninteresting.

Ray Liotta - Is a generic Italian like Paul Sorvino and anyone else who has ever played anyone vaguely mafia related. Everything I've seen him in he's been the same forgettable greaseball. So what if he looks good in a suit and can come across as a slick snotpile. He is very overrated, only seems capable of pulling one face and his hair is even greasier than mine.

Ben Affleck - Talentless prettyboy and I am definately over him and Matt Damon being the new Paul Newman and Robert Redford, except with even less talent if that is possible. He is boring, very boring, and I am afraid I can not ignore Pearl Harbor and Armageddon. I really, really hate blockbuster disaster movies.

Tom Cruise - off the deep end, for sure. Has some talent but he is another of those boring shitheads, and the fact he won't take on any roles that make him look bad sickens me. And like Ben Affleck he seems to do a little more of the just taking up space in movies and looking good rather than being entertaining. He should immediately take on a role as a lowdown rotten bastard, maybe something where he can work in his natural smugness.

Michael Caine, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Russel Crowe - shithead extraordinaire! He should go back to playing skinheads in low budget Australian films. Either that or die. And his band sucks.

Harrison Ford - essentially, clueless. I grew up watching Star Wars and Indiana Jones and he was good when he was the lovable rogue type. Bladerunner was pretty good too, but I can't think of anything he's done recently that hasn't been boring as all hell, which is a pity.

Okay I think I am done for now, wow I like this judge business, yup I really do!


Cainseviltwin 37M

5/3/2006 5:25 am

love it! i might have to steal your idea and do this, too. i can't agree with everything, but certainly a bunch of it. My only really big issue is that Johnny Depp only gets an honorable mention. I could watch him eat soup and be entertained.


Intensity4U 53M
7432 posts
5/3/2006 7:59 am

Interesting list. Shatner - I thought both his career and priceline died fittingly hard, rapid deaths. Then... WTF??? I agree with most of your honorable mentions, too. Unfortunately, my lasting impression of Johnny Depp is how badly he screwed-up Willy Wonka. Did he really think he could improve on Gene Wilder's work?

I just have two additions to your honorable mention list... Owen Wilson, until Wedding Crashers (which I didn't bother to see) his one dimension worked well. .. and believe or not, Brad Pitt, particularly for Fight Club, but generally for not being Ben Affleck or Tom Cruise.

Other than Good Will Hunting where his character was useless anyway, has Affleck ever been in a movie that didn't suck? And Tom Cruise? I thought his talent went down hill after Taps and have never seen one his movies since that he didn't seem to be trying to play "Tom Cruise" in every role.

Oh yeah! One other moron... George Clooney. I remember seeing A Perfect Storm where his acting consisted of rolling around the boat deck yelling, "Ahhh! Arghhh! Ohhhh! Owwww!" I guess there's a connection to Batman - "SMASH", "POW", "CRUNCH" - but what business is he in now?


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