The Sperm Donor Nurse Who Almost Wrecked My Orgasm  

sfvppl818 51M/51F
486 posts
6/11/2006 5:03 pm

Last Read:
6/12/2006 7:36 pm

The Sperm Donor Nurse Who Almost Wrecked My Orgasm

First off the only reason I went to see you had nothing to do with wrecking the bathroom. I was there was to verify I had no live sperm.

My girlfriend wanted me to verify I was not shooting real bullets because I was tired of feeling like my shaft was stuck in neutral because I had to wear a fricking condom. I told her I was tied off but we both wanted to make sure I was not "live" before I ditched the $5 a box condoms.

I came into your Lab with a doctor's order for a sperm sample. There were two other people behind me at the counter when you took the order from my hand and then asked me in a loud voice "When is the last time you ejaculated?" (I guess you wanted to know if I had enough spluge to give a good sample to run the test) WTF? Do you have to broadcast to the whole damn place that I'm there to shoot my load into a clear plastic cup? I told you that I should be good. You then have me go sit in the waiting room.

I sat down and rifled through a bunch of magazines and found a two year old Sports Illustrated. I read it from cover to cover. Then you came into the waiting room and handed me a cup to do my deed. You then led me back to the front desk area where the only bathroom in the place is 3 feet away from the counter.

Apparently I was expecting you to hand me a choice of porn material so I could get this done. But I now know that I will have to supply my own, in the future.

I went into the bathroom (aka sperm sample room) and took out my limp dick. I try to remember the girl on the front of Cosmo magazine, that I saw briefly, and work to get a hard on when I hear on the other side of the door, a woman visibly upset that her insurance requires a copay for her bloodwork to be drawn. WTF? The girl on the cover of Cosmo quickly exits my mind as I am now listening to you try to calm this woman down. I turn the water on to try and drown out the conversation so I can shoot my load into the cup.

At this point, I am now stripping all the way down to nothing so I can feel like I'm crawling into the sack with my girlfriend. I manage to get a rod up and proceed to stroke but guess what? There is no lotion. I NEED LUBE! I am going like a bat out of hell with both hands to know avail. I then discover the liquid soap in the liquid soap dispenser and damn near empty the thing into the palm of my hand. (sorry for using all the soap) So now I'm completely naked, jacking off in a public restroom and pink soap flying everywhere. (I flush the toilet to try and drown out the conversation between you and a coworker complaining about how your husband forgot your damn birthday and your remaining numbers on your latese bingo card). So with all this all going on it really is tough trying to stay somewhat aroused to get this sperm from inside my body into this cup. So I call my girlfriend, who is a corporate trainer, to see if I can get her to have phone sex with me. But of course she's training people and can't help me out, at all.

After 45 minutes of front desk conversation, toilet flushing, and water running I finally get done. My heart is racing a hundred miles an hour, my arms hurt and I'm flat worn out. I rinse myself, wash the walls, get my clothes back on and take my sealed sample to you. You then ask me how'd it go? What kinda damn question is that? I smile and say great and then walk out the door. BTW, I have no live sperm and now can have proper intercourse with my girlfriend.

Thanks for all your help nursey-poo. I hope I never have to see you again.

earthShiva 61M

6/11/2006 6:20 pm

Thanks. Thanks for everything! Now the image of a 1-handed workout with pink soap speckling the walls of a 3 x 3 bathroom is stuck in my head like 'American Pie'. (Well, at least in my version, I'm not totally naked. I'm wearing chaps and a bolo tie.)

MaggiesWishes 61F

6/11/2006 11:01 pm

ON a more informative note .... go view the rules for HIPPA on the web and sue the pants off the clinic for broadcasting your personal visit to the whole waiting room.
YOU have the RIGHT as a patient to make this a real issue.

Being in the medical community does not give her(idiot mouth) the right to do what she did. That is soooo not kewl. Call a lawyer, they would love this.
HIPPA is the confidential patient's right law.

AS a nurse ... I be pulling Woop-Ass on that place.

Go on, check it out.
It only take a moment.
Good Luck.

rm_ohsolustful 59M
859 posts
6/12/2006 5:00 pm

LOL, I am surprised you had any luck at all accomplishing your mission. I am with Maggie on this one. They should have been much more sensitive to your right to privacy, sue their balls off!!!!!!

TTigerAtty 63M

6/12/2006 5:58 pm

Call me if you seek aggressive legal representation!

Truman, Isaac, Gerhardt, Edwards, Reubenstein and Steele, LLC

sfvppl818 replies on 6/12/2006 7:35 pm:
Well, well, well!
So might wanna check out latest kiss the attorney's ass post, which clearly offers your garden variety fruit loop/dumbass crook some insight into the criminal mind and the sociopths who defend these freaks because the court requires us to fulfill our civic duties ... and we all could lose a day from our hectic lives, which gives us all a sense of gratitude for existing in such a great country, while clutching the remote control desperately. And pro-bono, being what it is in today's world of jurisprudence, most attorneys will bill the state 20 hours for rubber-stamping a plea bargain.

Mostly because they're totally guilty!

Then, again, my law firm is named Dewey. Screwem, and Howe?

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